by Melissa Walker Horn | Apr 19, 2022 | Confidence, Personal
When I shared the Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls announcement post over the weekend, I was hoping for a little more opportunity to talk about this show, maybe even rave a little about it. I’ve seen it twice, some napping occurred the second time around, and I had so much fun watching it—short version. But there was more to it than that. It got me thinking about this blog and why I started sharing myself here.
When this blog became a style blog over a decade ago, it took something for me to embrace this new online space I had created. I had to push myself, face up to myself and learn a lot (usually through failing). In its current incarnation, starting this blog felt a lot like facing the challenges on the show week after week, actually.
Except that we all know, or should by this stage know, that I don’t dance. Shuffle maybe. Sway, yes. But dance, no.
It reminded me how the old Aussie Curves challenges would push me week after week to get out of my comfort zone and show up. It worked that way for so many of us. With the support of others in those challenges, I would have the safe space to take a long hard look at myself. Then, when I felt I’d discovered something, I’d share that.
It changed how I felt about sharing myself and my body online. It pushed me to talk about my relationship with my body and how others related to it. Over time, I discovered myself in those challenges, found my voice and stood for who I am.
And I think that’s why I loved this show so much.
Because when people see the big girls showing up online, they can’t believe we can do it. They can’t believe that we can be and often are happy, living life, loving, succeeding and growing. Sure, it would be nice if the world as a whole got its head out of its ass and just let us live. But we are changing minds even if the community has (quite literally) shrunk in the years following that challenge.
I know in a lot of ways, I lost my voice. Sick of being spoken for by women who don’t know, who inhabit smaller bodies and are lucky enough to be still considered acceptable. I found it hard to speak up when after a decade, the problems, especially online, felt like they were getting worse.
Sure, we have seen some progress made, but for whom?
It’s still almost impossible to shop for a body larger than a size 20/22 in this country. God-forbid if you’d like to do so in-store. Brands shout inclusion and clothing for everybody (and “every-body”) at us from every angle than call a size 20 a 3XL in their limited extended sizing. New offerings pop up promising larger size ranges soon! Then the months go by, and those promises seem long forgotten, replaced instead with an ad budget to drown out the voices of those left behind.
For the most part, we continue to be represented by people who don’t know or see our experiences. Every single woman on Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls says at one point she wished she’d seen a person that looked like her anywhere when growing up. And while I saw plenty of white women, even a chubby one here or there, I know a small portion of that longing. And this show reminded me of that.
It reminded me that I show up for myself first.
To remind me of my worthiness and willingness to grow, live proudly and change something. Next, I show up for my nieces and second cousins, great cousins etc., who will grow up in a body like mine. A body that, for all the progress we are told is being made, is still wrong. I show up so that they will see someone who reminds them just to be themselves. It’s the only thing there is to do. Exist comfortably in the skin you’re in.
And then, last but certainly not least, I do it for you and anyone else out there that looks at my size 24/26 (give or take depending on the year) self with my broad shoulders, big chest, deep voice, long torso, loud laugh, and big feet and sees something of me in yourself. Through me, I hope you find a way to sit comfortably with who you are inside and out. Through sharing my struggles, I hope you know that you’re pretty great, just as you are; inside and out.
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Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, haha. Have you seen the show? Let’s talk about it!
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by Melissa Walker Horn | Apr 6, 2022 | Books, Movies, TV, Drinks, Reviews
A little while back, I thought it would be fun to do favourite things kind of post. Feature books and products, homewares to skincare—stuff I’ve seen on the interwebs in a roundup style post. But then, from memory, it was Afterpay Day. And the very idea of sending out a post flogging stuff, even if it was for entertainment, was a no thanks.
But, some time has passed, and I’ve found more interesting things. I added an extra book and some sunscreen, an old favourite brand has a new offering, and some new-to-me products popped up. And since I feel a little better about the scale of emails in my inbox, I thought it was time. So, here they are, the many things that caught my eye on the interwebs lately; let’s do this.
(contains some affiliate links)
1. Sassy stationery goodness from Veronica Dearly
2. You can’t miss the ads for this stylish AF sunscreen by Naked Sundays
3. Rich, salty and sweet Alg Seaweed Raspberry & Rainbow Seaweed 63% Dark Chocolate
4. Cotton On/Schitts Creek Collab from mugs to cards and in between
5. East Coast Corner Insulated Wine and Cheese Picnic Cooler Bag
6. The New Hustle by Emma Isaacs is even better than the first book!
7. Sand Cloud Towels have towels and accessories for the beach, bath or pool. I’m a bit partial to the beach accessories myself.
8. Skwosh Club Cord Caps with Aussies sayings are a thing of beauty, my friend. I wish they would extend sizing for all their range.
9. Stanley Tucci – My Life Through Food – Preorder now because he’s the best!
10. One of my favourite authors ever, thanks for the intro back in the day, Jojo, back again with Again, Rachel by Marian Keyes
11. You know KeepCup, right? Try their new water bottles.
12. Mr Consistent Mixers are refreshing, delicious and just as good alone or with soda water. Yum yum.
What have you discovered this month, team? I’d love to hear more about what is landing in your cart. Big or small, silly or serious, I’m sure some retail therapy has been helping us all through these weird and wonderful times. Enjoy the post, and as always, shop responsibly.
by Melissa Walker Horn | Feb 19, 2022 | Books, Movies, TV
Ummm, excuse me, internet, but have you heard about Lizzo’s new show? “Watch Out For The Big Grrrls” is coming, and I’m not sure we’re ready, to be honest. It’s a dance competition for a chance to win a spot on Lizzo’s World Tour.
Now, I don’t know much about dance. My experience ended when I sized out of the ‘girls’ tutus around 9 or 10. But I know that dance hasn’t been kind to women who live in large bodies—deeming us incapable, unable or unworthy in varying degrees. So to see this opportunity for big girls to dance played out in a TV show, celebrating diverse women, bodies and personalities, well, I’m excited to see it.
For me, Lizzo brings plus-size representation to music and entertainment with style and unwavering nerve. But I understand that by existing in her body, she has no choice for the most part in the society we live in. Held aloft for all to see, judge and discuss. That can’t be an easy position to be in at all. So, I appreciate her hanging herself a little further out on that limb for all of us who need representation in media. For those of us who might need a reminder to go after our dreams.
Check out all the details on Lizzo’s Instagram, eeekkk!
And since March 25th is the day after my birthday, I think Watch Out For the Big Gurrrls presented by Lizzo will be an excellent addition to my birthday week celebrations. Don’t you think? Thank goodness I already have Amazon Prime. Haha.
by Melissa Walker Horn | Jul 5, 2021 | Body Confidence, Confidence
If you’ve spent any time on Pinterest in the past year, you would have noticed the increase in ads from a certain non-diet diet company. My streams were bombarded, and despite reporting them as irrelevant or worse, they would still be there. It was not ideal, especially for a site called out for its problematic associations with eating disorder ideation in its early days. HuffPost covers the issues and their actions taken in 2012. But it seems the users weren’t the only ones feeling meh about the diet ads.
Well, it happened; Pinterest bans weight loss ads!
In a news post on their website, the company said it would also not allow ads promoting or discussing weight loss or weight loss products or ads referencing body mass index (BMI) or similar indexes. This policy came into effect July 1st, 2021, referencing a pathway to a weight-loss ad-free summer. Something that was suggested to them through their relationship with The National Eating Disorders Association. Here is the announcement post and some quotes from the article making the announcement.
Ads promoting healthy lifestyles and habits or fitness services and products will still be allowed, as long as they don’t focus on weight loss.
This policy change was developed with the guidance and advice of NEDA. “The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) applauds Pinterest for taking a leadership position as the first platform to prohibit all ads with weight-loss language and imagery. NEDA is encouraged by this necessary step in prioritizing the mental health and well-being of Pinners, especially those impacted by diet culture, body shaming, and eating disorders. We are hopeful this global policy will encourage other organizations and companies to reflect on potentially harmful ad messages and to establish their own working policies that will create meaningful change,” said Elizabeth Thompson, Interim CEO for the National Eating Disorders Association.
(Also taken from Pinterest news page)
source: Pinterest newsroom
In the Pinterest bans weight loss ads announcement article, Pinterest talks a lot about body neutrality. A move towards living and existing in a body that serves you and isn’t defined by how it looks or performs. This is something that I’ve been working towards for myself. A move that takes me away from the body positive movement that has become so co-opted and overrun. Instead, I’m moving towards something that frees me from this conversation entirely. Imagine that, a world free from discussions about the worthiness of bodies; what would be possible then?
Imagine being free from discussions about restrictions, diet pills, the newest fad diet or no-diet-diet or whatever it is being framed as. As women, predominately, imagine the time we would free up to discuss more of what matters to us. We would be free to discuss more of what collectively keeps us in our place. More of what we need and want without the restrictions of a culture focused on our bodies. I think about that all the time, how often we are controlled by this narrative of being attractive, small, or this generation’s version of perfect. What could we be doing instead?
This feels like a step in the right direction for me.
So, what do you think about Pinterest banning weight loss ads? Do you think diet ads should be banned on all social media sites? Pinterest has done it. And there are restrictions when it comes to weight loss on Facebook and Instagram. Is it time to pull the rug from under the diet industry and get back to a place where we treat each person and their body’s needs individually?
by Melissa Walker Horn | May 23, 2021 | Body Confidence, She Wore What
Recently I spoke about how my mojo feels like it packed up and left. Which, when you directly relate it to this blog, means taking photos of myself mostly. It’s what connects me to you and ultimately does well in the general search/Pinterest/SEO world. But I’ve been struggling to get in front of a camera. That’s the long and the short of it.
My body has changed in the last year or two. It looks different, and I look different, and that can be hard to reconcile in photos. I look at them and don’t like what I see—discarding most of them, not feeling like I could post others. I know I’m not the only one in this boat. When I think about what the world has been through in the past two years, it boggles my mind. But we did it. We made it here.
Today I’m going to say what is troubling me out loud in the hopes that by confronting it, it will diminish. By pushing myself to get out and taking the photos anyway, it reminds me of who I am. I am more than my body or face or how I look in photos. I’m a person with plenty to offer, and the way I do that is by showing up for people on the internet. Come what may.
Once, I credited taking outfit photos for the blog every week with my strong positive body image. When you stare at pictures of yourself week after week, set after set, you get a little numb to your features, your faults and flaws. It just blurs into what is; nothing good or bad about it. I’m reminding myself of that right now when the little voice in my head does its worst.
And, if, like me, you miss out, opt out or make excuses to avoid being in front of the camera. Consider this post your reminder to stop doing that! You’re perfect just the way you are, and I don’t ever want your body or how you look to define that for you. We will do the work and show up, just as we are, and I know things will change for us.
How can I be so sure about that? I know because I’ve done it before. This blog has changed my life in many ways than I give it credit for. Have I mentioned that? When I started blogging didn’t have a single photo of myself to use as a profile photo (so I decided to blog anonymously, lol). Entire pieces of my history and life are gone, left to the vagueness of memory—an untrustworthy source at the best of times.
As I participated more, took the photos (and kept them!), the documentation of my life streamed along behind me; the people and places, the highs and lows. I want that for myself again. For there to be a record that I was here and I lived a big, exciting, joyful life. I want to be in the middle, undeniably living; I want to show up. Let that be my promise to you; that’s what I’ll do. Even when I don’t want to or don’t feel like it, imperfectly perfect, I’ll be here.
wearing
Shushuboose (last season) Longline Stripe Cardigan (L) – First seen on Sarah Woodward | 17 Sundays BASIC Dolman Tee (L) | 17 Sundays Marble Wash Loophole Joggers (24) | New Balance Sneakers | Quay Australia High Key Polarised Sunglasses
by Melissa Walker Horn | May 22, 2021 | Self-Care
On Monday, I shared a meme (I’ll drop it below) on Facebook, and it was a mood. It certainly seemed to hit a nerve with you guys too, and it’s still getting attention even now. That meme told me one thing about all of us – we’re tired. T. I. R. E. D. My plan to combat that is to encourage you to join me in a self-care weekend. That’s your challenge, should you choose to accept it and now, let’s talk about that.
Firstly, as much as I love a good book, a face mask or a bath as my form of self-care, it doesn’t have to look like that for you. Maybe you even resisted clicking on this because self-care as a term doesn’t speak to you at all. I get that. It’s another of those terms, like body positivity, that was corrupted on Instagram.
But, for me, it can mean any number of things that you do for yourself. A self-care weekend could be big or small, if they take you half an hour this morning or all Sunday to implement. It doesn’t matter, the outcome is simple. You must feel cared for, and you must do the caring. Why is that? Well, you know best what you want or need. That’s why it has to be you. speaking of which, you DO know what you want, don’t you?
For some of you, that may mean going slow and cooking your favourite meal, including something delicious to start and a decadent dessert to finish. Others may find comfort in some quiet time to plan their next move. To reflect and journal, to brainstorm some ideas and get it all down on paper.
Whatever a self-care weekend looks like for you, it is fundamental to living a life that works for us.
We humans can’t just keep going until we drop. I can’t, you can’t; none of us can. Self-care can be rest (do nothing, stare at the ceiling or nap, rest), or it can be active, but you have to listen. When you listen to yourself for a moment (in the shower, sitting on the edge of your bed or slumped on the couch), what do you really, really want? What do you need right now? And can you give that to yourself? That’s important work.
A short disclaimer here, my friend. I’ve been in the position numerous times in my life when I’ve been numb to that. Numb to what I want or need and to how to get anything for myself that I wanted. If that is you, be kind to yourself and don’t push. You don’t have to have anything figured out. I believe that ‘the numbness’ is a protection, and you can’t force your way through it. Go slow, keep asking, and find your way.
Because caring for yourself is crucial. In every big or small way that we choose to do it. Maybe you’ve been taught to put others first, and this will be uncomfortable. But, with love, it’s time to get past that. Remind yourself of all the sayings about filling your cup, applying the oxygen mask first, and happy wife, happy life, and break free.
You deserve this time to care for yourself. Are you willing to give it yourself?
by Melissa Walker Horn | Mar 20, 2021 | Personal, Style + Beauty
This week we saw another brand launch into the Australian plus-size fashion market. Fronted by one of the biggest names in plus, American model Ashley Graham, with the locals following loyally behind. The Commonry burst onto the scene with the sort of ripples a well-bought marketing strategy can buy. It’s reminiscent of other brands who have attempted similar in years gone by. Brands, which for the most part, don’t sell plus here anymore.
I’ll let you put two and two together.
Offering a range of elevated everyday styles, this is the sort of range I would normally be super interested in. Classic pieces, made with fit and quality in mind? Sign me up. Except that the fit seems to be more of what we’ve seen for years in plus, targeted at an hourglass figure. Yawn. Fit for an hourglass shape is basically all plus has done for the last decade. Maybe there’s more than meets the eye, fit-wise, but so far, the clothing fits women who are a certain shape and has seen bloggers have to size up (especially when it comes to arm sizing) to find something that works.
With marketing terms like ‘we made it fit’ and ‘without compromise,’ there has been some serious compromises made here when it comes to the size range. One can only assume, by choice, as this doesn’t appear to be a budget issue. When Chantelle started Ada and Lou, she reached out to her audience with a question, due to their limited budget for their initial collection, should it be size 14-24 or 16-26… I was one of the resounding voices for the 16-26 range. We get limited size ranges, we know it costs money and requires additional fit manoeuvring to make the larger sizes work, but it’s time.
How long will size 22/24 be the top of the range here?
With such a forward-thinking market for plus-size fashion in Australia (and New Zealand), how is it that we’ve gotten stuck in this 12 – 22 size range thing? That’s why it’s inexcusable when a brand who could afford to increase their range. Who flaunts fit as their key selling point. It’s a hard pill to swallow and one that, to be honest, we’re sick of swallowing.
More sizes are coming, they say. I mean, don’t they always? We want to get this right. There are already issues with the larger sizes (indicated by those in size 18+ having to size up or skip items altogether).
What is the point of this ranting, rambling post about a brand that just launched? The point for me is that it can be easy to get caught up in a new launch’s hype. Who doesn’t love a new plus-size option with storefronts? But the hype is just what it is, hype, and it’s up to us as customers to demand more from those who are showing up to take our money. More sizes for those who need them. Better fits above a size 18 because fitting actual fat bodies is what plus-size fashion is about.
It’s time we stop tip-toeing around it and call it what it is; disappointing.
by Melissa Walker Horn | Feb 7, 2021 | Body Confidence, Confidence
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, I wish I had that kind of confidence? Have you ever felt like everyone has confidence figured out but you? Well, team, what would you say if I said confidence looks different on everybody? And not just the body confidence side of things, but the confidence to start tat business, learn something new or stand up for yourself or others. Confidence comes in all shapes and sizes, and there is certainly no one size fits all method of having it.
I know that it can be a hard-fought battle, this whole confidence thing. But taker it from someone with some time spent in the trenches, the wins far outweigh the losses. When you find a way to step into being who you are, instead of worrying about what other people think of you, it’s life-changing. It will literally alter the way you live your life; day-to-day and in the long term.
But that’s not to say that you hit that perfect balance once and you stay there. You won’t. Some days I feel like my anxiety will crush me if I leave the house. While other days I am taken by surprise when someone seems to think that their opinion of me and my choices should matter to me. Because it doesn’t. I run my life, make all the choices (for better or worse) and live with the outcomes of that. Days like the later take a practice of being confident. Small habits and reminders day in and day out.
It takes finding what works for you!
Want to start improving your own self-confidence?
My best confidence tip would be to question everything. If you think you shouldn’t wear or do something, ask yourself why? Ask yourself who said so? Who says I can’t live my life exactly as I see fit? Do I care about their opinion? Why do I care? I find that when I continue to question when the limitations I put my myself or the negative conversations I have. Then they start to have less of an impact. I’m free or at least know where the bullshit comes from and can choose for myself. There’s power in knowing what motivates you to do things. It’s the secret to everything.
Then I think that you should fill your life with examples of people who are living life confidently; whether it be through body image and confidence books or social media. Seek out examples of what you want or where you want to be. Not to compare and find yourself lacking, but to inspire you to move forward, soak up their knowledge and keep from reinventing the wheel. Nothing has served me more in this life than curating the content I see on social media. Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel bad (for whatever reason) or that no longer serves your goals. I know I’d love to have you follow my accounts if you’re willing? Find me at Suger Coat It everywhere, or start with Instagram here.
And stick around, because sharing my story and giving reminders to live life confidently is what this blog is about.
wearing confidence swimwear amenia top and bottom (size US20 – custom sizes available at no extra cost, gifted)
by Melissa Walker Horn | Jan 22, 2021 | Body Confidence, Books, Movies, TV
If you feel like you’re under pressure from the diet industry machine to change your body in some way in the new year, think of how body image for girls must feel. New year, new who? Diet plans and ‘get healthy’ resolutions disguising less than ideal ways to treat yourself. It’s a minefield out there even now.
While we do our best to keep conversations about holiday weight, fitness resolutions and diet talk away from them (or I hope you do), they hear it. All of it. And it impacts them and the way they see their body. The choices you make and actions that you take impact them and what they grow up to believe is normal. Reasonable. Required, even.
So, with that in mind, I decided to put together a list of books for girls that will start some conversations and, hopefully, help them figure this whole thing out. I know that I found a lot of great stuff in them for myself too. So, if you’re looking for something for yourself, check out this post I pulled together for books for adults around body image.
Some of them are aimed at body image for girls in the younger audience, while others would be better for teens.
Books about Body Image for Girls
Minnie and Max are OK!: A Story to Help Children Develop a Positive Body (3 – 7 years)
Love Your Body: Your body can do amazing things… (6+ years)
The Girl Guide: 50 Lessons in Learning to Love Your Changing Body (10 – 15 years)
Body Brilliant: A Teenage Guide to a Positive Body Image (11+ years)
The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless (12 – 14 years)
Body Positive: A Guide to Loving Your Body (12 – 14 years)
No, Weigh!: A Teen’s Guide to Positive Body Image, Food, and Emotional Wisdom (12 – 14 years)
The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color (13 – 19 years)
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by Melissa Walker Horn | Oct 26, 2020 | Where to Buy
Buying clothes when your plus-size can suck. On this blog, its something we talk about a lot. But, what about where to buy clothes for plus size men? Are there a lot of options for on-trend fashionable pieces for the big guys? The short answer to that question is that it has come a long way from the Big and Tall shops of the past.
The idea for this post actually came from the search terms on my blog post Where to Buy Clothes for Plus-Size Teens. I realised, while there were lots of options for plus-size women in that post, by not including a few of the big guys, I had excluded those who are looking to dress in a more masculine fashion. I should have known better (I’ve since updated that post).
This is my attempt to offer some options for the plus-size guys who may find themselves here looking for fashionable clothing options. Let’s dive in.
Where to buy clothes for plus-size men!
Kel and my brother have both been roped into featuring in photos for this brand (see below). Since then, it’s where I go if Kel needs new clothes especially anything for special occasions or the sort of wardrobe staple I expect to last (jeans or dress pants, jackets etc). The price point is pretty middle fo the range and they often have great sales or special offers.
I’m happy to recommend this brand and we continue to shop there. However, I have to let you know our horrible experience with customer service over a pair of shoes that my brother purchased. They wore through (worn Monday to Friday for work) really quickly and they wouldn’t take them back/listen to our concerns as they reference the extensive wear which was the point of the concern in the first place.
To be honest I don’t remember how it was resolved as I left it with my brother. But suffice to say that it left a bad taste in our mouth. Maybe as far as the accessories go, shop the sales. 😉
I think you’re going to love the range and selection offered by ASOS. If I’m stuck and can’t find anything for Kel (and sometimes for me too) then I head to the ASOS Plus-Size Men’s range to see if I can find it there. Especially jackets, lounge or sportswear or basic tees.
With the mid to low price point, it makes for a good option for the on-trend pieces it can be impossible to find. Especially since they are added new styles and brands to their line up all the time. One of those big sellers that will become a resource for you, I’m sure.
One word on this one, Trendy! BooHoo has always boasted a low price point and up to the minute fashion pieces. Their BooHoo Men range is no different. I refer to this style of retailer as cheap and cheerful because if you’re looking for something fun or that you’ve seen your favourite wearing, this is the place to go. They’re always turning over new styles with fresh takes on current trends.
The bad news is that Boohoo is often listed as a thumbs down due to their manufacturing process and labour conditions. I won’t even make my usual joke about it being ‘not ideal’ because it’s worse than that. I do believe that with continued pressure a brand like this can be made to do better. But, always, I thought you should have all the information before making your choices. In this case, which happens too often in plus-size clothing options, for a lower price-point, this is what we have to live with.
I came across this brand when I was shopping for Kelvin recently for a wedding. This is more of a classic style, with button-ups and business casual attire then a lot of the other options. Things like sleepwear and swimwear as well. There are a lot of styles and fits, usually available in multiple colourways, but unfortunately, none of the clothing is shown on models for fit.
This is also a great spot for things like belts, suits and sports coat; the sort of staples you need to build a solid wardrobe. On my rounds, I noticed a lot of the retailers don’t merchandise a lot of accessories specialised for plus-size bodies (especially belts) which is such a missing. You can find a lot of that here.
When you head to The Iconic there is a more limited selection of men’s plus-size clothing with only a few brands featured. That said, there are some great wardrobe staple items here such a basic tees, classic polos and style jacket fits. For me, the range is a modern take on the casual classics I personally gravitate to.
The other thing that they’re great at is accessories. You’ll find an extensive range of modern, even designer, sunglasses, shoes and bags. Especially sneakers if you’re into such things.
There we go! Some great options for clothes for plus size men. Was your favourite spot covered here? I especially want to know if we missed any small retailers based in Australia or New Zealand. We love a local small business. Let me know if you have any questions as you go through, I’ll answer whatever I can and outsource the rest.
Before we go, here are a few more photos of Kel and my brother Dean looking great in Johnny Bigg items featured on the blog in the past. No brand association currently exists, but when we took these photos it was for either sponsored posts or content creation for the brand. Full disclosure, you know how it goes.
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by Melissa Walker Horn | Jul 13, 2020 | Body Confidence, Confidence
I thought the time for this post had passed. Back when we first went into lockdown, it was a hot topic to discuss gaining weight, being ashamed of that, and generally cracking jokes at coming out of quarantine (gasp!) fat. Then it tapered off, and I thought, okay, good, I don’t have to say anything.
But hello, it’s back.
And not just because our friends in Victoria are back in lockdown or that second wave clusters are popping up all over the shop. But because it seems, the I don’t fit my clothes angst is cropping up again along with the ‘jokes’. I am to tell you one thing, friend. You didn’t fail if your pants don’t fit. You didn’t somehow do quarantine wrong or let yourself go.
It’s been a lot; a lot to handle and a lot to process. For some, especially those with a past of disordered eating, conversations about panic buying and lack of certain foods have been triggering. Unstable incomes and new work from home arrangements with partners or children have challenged us. Maybe there are cracks in your world that you hadn’t seen before the glaring light of a global pandemic was shone on them.
Let’s say; you’ve had other things to worry about.
Consider for a moment that the way your body reacted to this time in our lives was as it should. Maybe it needed those reserves or the comfort of your favourite meal, beverage or treat. Who is to say that’s wrong? Who is to say that your body isn’t better off without the restriction and boundaries of your everyday life. What if this is how it was meant to be all along?
I want to you think about that next time you are faced with a situation, conversation or thought about how things should look. Not because your health or wellness doesn’t matter, but because they do. I don’t know how long we will be living life this way. But I do know that you shouldn’t live your life waiting for the next thing to come along. Find some peace in your situation now.
And for goodness sake, find some different pants.
I personally recommend soft pants. 😉
by Melissa Walker Horn | May 28, 2020 | Body Confidence, Confidence, Relationships
What would you say if I told you that I don’t think your partner should be your reason for your positive body image? My boyfriend loves my body, he embraces my curves, but I just can’t see it, she said. They love my body, me? Not so much, they said. I see it and hear it all over the internet in Groups and mentioned in the comments. It’s worrying, to say the least. I worry about these people. Almost as much as the ones that say their partner doesn’t like their body.
But, my friend, your body image is NOT your partner’s job. It’s yours.
Not just because they could change their mind, leave or even not end up being who you thought they were. But because this sort of work should never be an outside job. You are responsible for doing the work to disassemble the conversation you are having about your body. Unfair, I know. You didn’t start this rubbish, and you certainly didn’t put it there. But the work is for you to do.
Your body image is not your partner’s job. Unfortunately, if you are looking for someone to deem you beautiful, it’s always dependant on them. If you need a parent or friend to tell you that you’re worthy of love; they may not be capable of that.
And yes, I think it is helpful, valuable even to have someone in your corner it can’t be the be-all and end-all. For me, when I’ve struggled to see myself, Kel has been great. He has been supportive, constructive and has never brought up my body without me starting the conversation. There are some tips in this article for helping your partner love their body when they don’t. But treat this love and support, when you get it, as a bonus.
A cherry on top of your body image.
Not the whole sundae.
We put so much stock into how our partner feels about our body we stop doing the work if I’m being straight with you here. We need to stop valuing ourselves by how attractive we are (or think we are) to someone and start doing the work to shift our beliefs around what a good body is. Spoiler alert, it’s actually got nothing to do with how it looks. Annette on the Facebook page has it right, we need to move past the idea of being seen as attractive, beautiful or sexy to someone else, even to ourselves. It’s time to start seeing the value in our body for being our feet on the ground in this world. A means to an end.
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Photo by AllGo – An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash
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