Recently I spoke about how my mojo feels like it packed up and left. Which, when you directly relate it to this blog, means taking photos of myself mostly. It’s what connects me to you and ultimately does well in the general search/Pinterest/SEO world. But I’ve been struggling to get in front of a camera. That’s the long and the short of it.
My body has changed in the last year or two. It looks different, and I look different, and that can be hard to reconcile in photos. I look at them and don’t like what I see—discarding most of them, not feeling like I could post others. I know I’m not the only one in this boat. When I think about what the world has been through in the past two years, it boggles my mind. But we did it. We made it here.
Today I’m going to say what is troubling me out loud in the hopes that by confronting it, it will diminish. By pushing myself to get out and taking the photos anyway, it reminds me of who I am. I am more than my body or face or how I look in photos. I’m a person with plenty to offer, and the way I do that is by showing up for people on the internet. Come what may.
Once, I credited taking outfit photos for the blog every week with my strong positive body image. When you stare at pictures of yourself week after week, set after set, you get a little numb to your features, your faults and flaws. It just blurs into what is; nothing good or bad about it. I’m reminding myself of that right now when the little voice in my head does its worst.
And, if, like me, you miss out, opt out or make excuses to avoid being in front of the camera. Consider this post your reminder to stop doing that! You’re perfect just the way you are, and I don’t ever want your body or how you look to define that for you. We will do the work and show up, just as we are, and I know things will change for us.
How can I be so sure about that? I know because I’ve done it before. This blog has changed my life in many ways than I give it credit for. Have I mentioned that? When I started blogging didn’t have a single photo of myself to use as a profile photo (so I decided to blog anonymously, lol). Entire pieces of my history and life are gone, left to the vagueness of memory—an untrustworthy source at the best of times.
As I participated more, took the photos (and kept them!), the documentation of my life streamed along behind me; the people and places, the highs and lows. I want that for myself again. For there to be a record that I was here and I lived a big, exciting, joyful life. I want to be in the middle, undeniably living; I want to show up. Let that be my promise to you; that’s what I’ll do. Even when I don’t want to or don’t feel like it, imperfectly perfect, I’ll be here.
Shushuboose (last season) Longline Stripe Cardigan (L) – First seen on Sarah Woodward | 17 Sundays BASIC Dolman Tee (L) | 17 Sundays Marble Wash Loophole Joggers (24) | New Balance Sneakers | Quay Australia High Key Polarised Sunglasses
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.