This one is easy, as far as choosing one thing every day to be grateful for, because today is Kelvin and my 16th wedding anniversary. Go, team. It feels like so long ago that we first met, and yet, not simultaneously.
There we were, just a couple of kids with no idea. The night you casually dropped by our house sticks in my mind, even now. Even if we can’t remember the year or the date or anything helpful. The heat of the day had finally burned off, and the evening, or perhaps my skin in response to the loss of heat, felt cool. But the drinks were cold, and the casual gathering on the front veranda started gathering steam.
So, with a pack of Angel cards at the ready, I declared it time. Time for each of those assembled to take turns drawing cards. The focus was simple; we were young and broke. Tell us our futures! The circle drew closer, and one by one, everyone selected their cards. I started, then shuffled and allowed the next person to draw. Repeating over and over around the circle until it was your turn.
You selected the same three cards from the pack that I had despite numerous shuffles and people in between. We laughed it off. But you and I would continue to draw variations of the same cards, matching each other at every step, the entire night. They were my cards, and even I didn’t believe when they indicated that our futures would be entwined from that point on. I mean, one of my cousin’s friends who slept until noon in bright red novelty boxer shorts? I don’t think so.
But those angel cards weren’t wrong. After almost two decades together, sixteen years of which we’ve been lucky enough to be married, here we are. Entwined. With a home, a couple of businesses and a veggie garden that now grows more flowers than veggies. Adventures and quiet nights in, long chats and text messages that read like a meme sharing page with requests for milk or takeout at regular intervals. A whole, full, bursting at the seams with gratitude life.
As each year passes I find even more things to love about you. And a couple more things that drive me crazy. I’ve never met anyone as generous as you; you’ll always find a way to help out if you can. No one has made me laugh as hard as you do. Sometimes not deliberately. Your love of mixing patterns, though rarely on purpose, never fails to make me smile. It’s a weird and wonderful time being your wife and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love you lots, Kel. Here is to many more years together, quietly living this life we’ve created for ourselves.
Alone a lot? Yeah, me too. Let’s talk about how to manage being alone whether you’re working from home or otherwise homebound. This morning, I was speaking with a family friend, and she was booking in a time to see me (for work stuff). When are you next coming into town, she asked? Town, to clarify, is less than a 5-minute drive from my house. Maybe seven, on a busy day. But the reason she asked is that I’m well known for my home base setup. I run my business from home, eat, sleep, babysit, and entertain here (the majority of the time). I order groceries online, and when it comes to buying anything else, it’s usually delivered to my door in a box. Wine included.
By design, I don’t get out much.
So, by default, I’ve become pretty good at being alone. Since I left my last paid employment, there are only a few of my clients that I would see regularly. Think monthly check-ins, usually. In the beginning, I would joke about getting my word count-out. Going from being in an office three or so days a week to being alone in my office at home was a change. Kel works pretty long hours too, so there’s rarely anyone around to speak to; unless you count me bailing up the postie.
But as time passed, I got better at being alone. I learned to make time for conversations with people I cared about. Sometimes that was just Kel at the end of a long, quiet day. Other times it was booking calls with clients or other people in my industry to talk about what was happening. This enabled me to have some interactions with people, without diverting from the entire purpose of my day.
That’s my first tip, reach out.
If you are missing people or having them around you, reach out to someone for a chat, a visit or lunch. I’ve even found that the back and forwards of a casual email can break up the loneliness of a day. Reach out and remind people you still exist. Because we work from home types sort of vanish otherwise. This goes for stay at home parents too. Whatever your cause for the current season of isolation, I hope you do this.
Another way that I manage being alone is to participate in the sort of events that other workplaces participate in. I celebrate and mark special days, even if I’m just buying myself something nice for morning tea or a better coffee. It helps me feel connected to other people when I otherwise really need to be focused on what I’m doing. I don’t leave the house, I have a plan for whatever I want to do, and at some point, I stop and enjoy that moment.
I’m still alone, but the shared experience is almost as good.
By jumping on the scrolling through a hashtag can go a long way to decreasing that need for interaction in the short term. It also gives me something to talk about or interact with if I want to do that later. I don’t know about you, but when I’m here in my office with only the walls, new information is hard to come by. Which is another thing I recommend to feel less alone, look for new information. In whatever form it comes in, new information is a great way to feel connected with others when you’re not physically with anyone.
I make time throughout the week to read through some of the links I save or the pins I’ve pinned. I devour articles, videos or podcasts from new sources. This keeps me connected to my creativity when there’s not a lot of ‘different’ happening around me. Do you feel like that sometimes? One thing I’ve certainly underestimated is how much being in the company of other people influences you in ever-changing, occasionally challenging, ways.
Being with other people is always new in some way.
Being alone can become very same-same if you’re not deliberately seeking out new stimulus. By constantly widening my circle of what I’m reading, watching or listening to, I find that makes up for the not-people-ing. Somewhat.
These tips have worked for me because I’m one of those extroverted introverts. I thrive on being with people and love to share conversation and meals and ideas with people. But it takes something for me to do that. It wears me out. Which is why the adaption to working alone has been an unusual one. I didn’t expect to miss the conversation. Nor did I expect to love being alone in my office as much as I do. Finding ways to seek connection while protecting what actually makes me productive and go at what I do has taken work. If that’s you too, I hope this post helps you manage being alone.
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What would you say if I told you that I don’t think your partner should be your reason for your positive body image? My boyfriend loves my body, he embraces my curves, but I just can’t see it, she said. They love my body, me? Not so much, they said. I see it and hear it all over the internet in Groups and mentioned in the comments. It’s worrying, to say the least. I worry about these people. Almost as much as the ones that say their partner doesn’t like their body.
But, my friend, your body image is NOT your partner’s job. It’s yours.
Not just because they could change their mind, leave or even not end up being who you thought they were. But because this sort of work should never be an outside job. You are responsible for doing the work to disassemble the conversation you are having about your body. Unfair, I know. You didn’t start this rubbish, and you certainly didn’t put it there. But the work is for you to do.
Your body image is not your partner’s job. Unfortunately, if you are looking for someone to deem you beautiful, it’s always dependant on them. If you need a parent or friend to tell you that you’re worthy of love; they may not be capable of that.
And yes, I think it is helpful, valuable even to have someone in your corner it can’t be the be-all and end-all. For me, when I’ve struggled to see myself, Kel has been great. He has been supportive, constructive and has never brought up my body without me starting the conversation. There are some tips in this article for helping your partner love their body when they don’t. But treat this love and support, when you get it, as a bonus.
A cherry on top of your body image.
Not the whole sundae.
We put so much stock into how our partner feels about our body we stop doing the work if I’m being straight with you here. We need to stop valuing ourselves by how attractive we are (or think we are) to someone and start doing the work to shift our beliefs around what a good body is. Spoiler alert, it’s actually got nothing to do with how it looks. Annette on the Facebook page has it right, we need to move past the idea of being seen as attractive, beautiful or sexy to someone else, even to ourselves. It’s time to start seeing the value in our body for being our feet on the ground in this world. A means to an end.
You know the story; Kel and I met when we were barely twenty. Engaged six weeks later, broke the news to our families a few months after that. Then married at 22, moved around a lot in the same town, had some businesses but didn’t have babies. You know, CliffsNotes version. Which brings us to here; 16 years later and in our mid-thirties.
Grown-ups. Something that resembles being a grown-up, anyway; we’re trying. You know how it is, juggling a busy schedule of Fortnite YouTube videos, beverages on the couch and arguing over who’s turn it is to order the pizza. We’ve grown up together and to be honest if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here right now. Because we changed and life changed, and so, naturally, we as a couple HAD to change. Without leaning into who we are now and the things we want now, it’s possible I could have still been in love with that 20-year-old dude I met in Central Queensland. Possible, not entirely probable. And the same goes for me.
If Kel hadn’t adapted to the person I was becoming, the person I am in our relationship now, things would have looked very different.
We didn’t get far before there were challenges to face. Kel first met half of my family, then the other at funerals only months apart. Considering I had only known him myself for under six months at this point, the man he showed up as was a clear vision of who I wanted to be with. There were days between then and now that that man is nowhere to be found. But during those times, when I needed him the most, he stepped into our future and was there for me.
I’d have the same opportunity only months after our wedding. His father was diagnosed with cancer, that would ultimately take his life only days before our first wedding anniversary. We were 23; as I stood in the kitchen of his family home, cooking pancakes because that’s what I do. There was no fanfare or romantic dinner for two planned. Not at a time like this. And I didn’t want anything other than to take his pain away. Before, ensuring we’d had the honeymoon we’d postponed or received that special first-anniversary gift would have been important. But they weren’t.
That day, we both had a clear idea of what matters in life, in relationships and especially in marriage.
When the time came to sell my first business, or for Kel to start his own we made these choices together. By this stage, we were in our mid-twenties and things had never gone off plan for us. We had somewhat smugly, on my behalf anyway, continued to tick things off our list and do so happily the majority of the time. But now, with my business struggling and him looking down the barrel of some big changes, it was time. Time to have a conversation about how our lives would change and where we were going from there.
On the podcast, I talked about it as a renegotiation of terms. That’s how I see it. Checking in with him, making sure he can communicate where he is at with things is important. Being able to share is just as important to me. When we got together, we had an idea of what we wanted and where life would go. I’m sure that’s not uncommon, who doesn’t. But what happens when that picture you had of how life would look doesn’t line up anymore? Or the path changes so dramatically that you can’t see your way back there? Then what?
In my experience, things break.
But it’s not all doom and gloom, hard times and bad, right? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lightened up a bit. I take myself and life way less seriously than I did before. Together we have learned to embrace ditching the responsibilities and getting away from it all. Finding time to laugh, hang out and enjoy each others company. A long time ago someone was talking about marrying your best friend and I honestly didn’t feel like that described us. It all felt a little cringe and co-dependant to me.
But now, not so much. There’s no one that I want to share my good news with than Kel. He’s always the first person I text when I pick up a client or get an offer in my email. He helps me debrief when things are challenging me and I look to him for advice as someone who knows me better than anyone. Even though, let’s face it, his track record with recalling those little details SUCKS. He maintained up until the cruise that my favourite drink was a Long Island Ice Tea… Um, what?
It’s a mojito if we’re talking cocktails. Otherwise, a vodka soda with lime or a Sav Blanc will do the job.
Not the point. But now you know. He’s the go-to guy. And while I don’t know if he would consider me his best friend, I know that no one can calm him down as I can. No one knows how to make him go slow when he’s spinning off into another dimension. We get each other, and after all this time together, we are lucky to have been able to work out what works and what doesn’t for each other. AND, probably most importantly, we continue to update that information as we change.
We’ve got a long way to go in this life together, touch wood, and one day maybe I’ll look back at this post and regret thinking I knew anything. But for now, looking over at the guy next to me, I’m proud of us. The people we are, the life we’ve made and mostly that we have had each other’s back every step of the way. I hope that no matter what the next 16 years has in store for us that we remember that. And I promise, if I’ve still got a blog then, I’ll make sure you guys get the update.
When you’re happy, that’s my favourite thing sings Elmo loudly from the tv screen I’m using to distract my niece. She dances to the song, and I smile that she’s settled into her visit. Elmo is right; we love being surrounded by people that lift us. Happy people are great to be around. It’s a mood. And that starts me thinking about how what I’m feeling impacts those around me.
Or even if there ARE people around me?
(hello, anxiety, this one isn’t for you).
My Dad used to say to me, especially as a teenager, that I need to use my power for good, not evil. He was talking about my energy because I have a gift for sucking the air out of a room. You’ll know if you’ve ever been around me while I’m in a bad mood, you wouldn’t have any doubts about how I was feeling. *insert grey clouds overhead* The good news is that I can fill the room up too; lift the energy or cause a shift towards the positive.
I’ve got big energy for better or worse.
Mostly in life, it’s for the better. And If I know the type of person you are, I’m sure you do too. We can charge people up, or we can pull the plug. A former boss once requested that I consider my energy before coming to the office. She knew the power of setting the tone for those around me; I didn’t even realise what I was doing. That how I showed up was causing significant shifts in those I worked with. Not always for the better.
How do I tip the scales towards better? That’s the real question. I want to be a positive influence, to contribute and uplift. How do I empower and inspire those around me by being a living and breathing example? Sure, I’m going to have bad days and bad moods. Hello, human over here. But, how can I insulate people from the bad moods without isolating myself?
I think the answer lies in being aware of yourself and what you’re bringing to the table.
Check-in with yourself and practice being aware of the mood you’re setting. For me, each of those reminders was just what I needed to touch base with how I was feeling. Being unaware of the trail of destruction you leave behind you is not going to work. Sometimes this will lead to facing up to your bullshit and owning that you are creating your own experience. Self-awareness is key.
From there, it’s always my intention to shift the vibe if it doesn’t work for me. Uncomfortable people? Make them feel comfortable. Anger or discomfort? Clear the air. I start with myself, get right with myself, and then I spread it out from there. The awareness you practice for yourself and what you’re feeling will soon be easily applied to other people. You learn to read people; to read the mood of the entire room and correct.
Practice, absolutely, in this case, makes perfect.
Get out there, and don’t be afraid fo this gift you have. I can assure you all the people in the world that ever did anything significant (big or small) had big energy and had to learn to control it. You know what they say with great power comes great responsibility. You can cause a shift, we can, and from there, the possibilities are endless. Don’t you think? Do you have big energy or know someone that does?
p.s. High five to me for getting through this without a big dick energy joke. I’m such an adult.
I’ve been called a lot of things in life. You know the drill, I’m sure. The no one escapes the being called ‘things’ thing. The words and the descriptions that define you, the ones you take on and stick to you like glue. Some stay to be a trigger for years to come. Like spoiled or crazy are for me. (I dare you to call me spoiled; I double dare you. Ugh, hate that still. Haha.) But I realised this week I’ve been working to set aside one of them in particular for a while now. The big one (for women especially) SELFISH.
Something has clicked and it changed the way I think about it. How I relate to myself as someone who could easily be considered selfish by those looking from the outside in. Genuinely, I don’t care if you call me selfish anymore. I’ll wear selfish like a badge of honour. In the same way that I reclaimed the word fat for myself; I feel like I’m selfish in the best possible way. Now I take pride in putting myself first, in knowing my limits and knowing when and where to say no with strength.
I love to say no and do it as often as possible. Give it a try; it’s the best.
I am a woman in a relationship that doesn’t require my constant supervision or dependence. A woman that doesn’t have children, a regular day job, personal debt beyond my home or parents incapable of caring for themselves. Plus I have a range of skills which enable me not to have to work a nine to five like most. As far as responsibilities go, I have very few apart from myself, Kel and the world at large (as an idea, a concept, not literally everyone).
I like doing things I like to do. Some of you are probably sitting out there right now thinking, I’m a jerk. That’s fine but consider for a moment that of course, you do! That little voice of the ‘they’ showed up on time to remind you of your place. That we, as women, are trained to hand our lives over to our partner, children, parents, friends. And not just that, but to do so without complaint or consideration for ourselves and our personal needs.
So, I’ve reclaimed the word selfish and made it work for me instead of allowing it to continue to trigger me. My Aunt says that people who don’t have children are more selfish than those who do. Sure, I tend to agree to a certain extent. I put my needs, first; pretty sure that’s the definition. But being selfish doesn’t mean I’m not a good person or incapable of being selfless. The two CAN live in the same body. I promise you that.
Yeah, it sounds all about me.
That’s because it is. I love my family and friends, but they have their own lives to run. But I refuse to let them live mine for me (not that they were asking to). For me, this version of being selfish doesn’t mean being wrong. Because I know for some of you selfish is the worst thing you could be called. You put other people first, and you want (desire!) acknowledgement for that. When you don’t get it, you feel lost, angry, sad or hard done by.
But here’s the deal, you need to take your power back. You can’t change the world, but you can change how you react and respond to ‘things’. Offer your acts of service as gifts to other people, be as available as you’re comfortable with. Just don’t do it because someone might call you selfish if you don’t. It never works to live your life under the weight of other people’s expectations.
The thing about expectations is that the more you can identify them and put them aside, the better! When ‘they’ tell me how to live my life, how to be myself and where to from here, I listen. I’m not rude or trying to be. But I don’t put these opinions above my own. Not anymore, I’m living this life for me and doing what, hopefully, will make me proud of myself should I be lucky enough to live to old age. It’s an entirely different way of looking at things than the programming that I grew up with (and I was luckier than most!).
So, I challenge you to find something you can be selfish about this week. Every week! But let’s start with one. Shift your focus to yourself and see what shows up for you next. I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Monday was our 13th wedding anniversary. This dude and I are the lucky holders of the 13 years of marriage, 15 years together, trophy. Which, they tell me isn’t a thing but I’ll raise it high anyway. Because marriage is hard and making it work can be harder.
Can I be honest with you?
Pffft, of course, I can. Some of the smugness I felt about the success of our marriage has worn off in the last couple of years. You never know how things will go and it’s pretty naive to believe that it will never happen to you. I feel like I have a healthy respect for what it takes now. That’s got to be a good thing, right?
Challenges and new horizons have pushed us recently. Nothing major, just the day-to-day of life and our evolving expectations of ourselves and each other. We’re growing and changing again. And for now, we are doing that alongside each other. I’m proud of us for continuing to have that conversation.
That said, I have settled way too comfortably into the habit of complaining about the annoying things he does rather than celebrate the good. My Dad warned me about that!Do you remember I wrote a blog post about it? He was right. It just crept up on me, and I was harping on everything. Not good.
Attitude adjustment required!
Despite that, we love the life we have created together and we love each other. For whatever annoying, niggly habits we both have (dear lord, I’m a nightmare) one thing I know for sure is that he is generous, kind, loving, and will always laugh until he’s red in the face with me.
He does this thing where even though he thinks my choice of YouTuber usually sucks, he asks about them as if they’re my friends. (They are, aren’t they?). He asks me to catch him up on their lives and will sit and laugh at the stupid adventures they have. It’s a small thing, but that involvement in something that I love, matters.
And the bins, dear lord. I hate the whole bin day thing. Almost as much as I hate how repetitive the dishes are. So every week, without fuss or circumstance, because he knows I hate that job, he just does it. It happens, I have nothing to do with it, and I’m so grateful for that.
That, my friends, is where I’m going to wrap up this little ode to this marriage of ours. It seems to be an annual event now, the reflection and sharing of where we’re at. I love that about blogging; the words are there for years to come to look back on and enjoy. Or just remember. I’m glad I made the time again this year.
I’ve been a little quiet for the past couple of weeks. From the high of daily (ish) blogging, it was a bit of a comedown. So, without excuses or blame, I want to tell you what was going on in the hopes it might clear the way for some words to show up.
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
― Anne Lamott
You know the quote, right? Maybe you’ve heard of it. I was never sure how I sat with that. After all, we each have our experiences of things. Who says our version is THE version? In fact, it’s something I’ve always been cautious about on this blog because even when people THINK I might be talking about them, usually I’m not. So, I avoid blogging about things that weren’t my experiences or things happening in other people’s lives. Which, as I said, has served me. However, this past month and I felt like there was nothing to say, alluding to someone else’s situation or even offering an opinion/preaching.
I’m questioning everything.
It’s the worst.
To shake it, I just sat down to write. Monday was our anniversary; we celebrated 13 years. While I was pondering what I write about marriage and relationships, I worried about how that would land for some people in our life. Then the other day, I was feeling overwhelmed by social media, and when I went to write about it, it felt like I was having a dig at people who ‘do the thing’ that was overwhelming me.
See what I mean? Those are just the two most recent examples. I’m sure it occurs to some of you (myself included) that my procrastination technique of discarding everything I write before it has been published might be back. I get that; I wonder about that too.
But, I also wonder if sometimes it’s the right thing to do.
The last thing I would want is for someone to read what I have written and feel like them enjoying their Instagram moment was making me feel like crap, and they should stop. Or that someone who has recently confided in me is now the topic of a blog post. I choose to share my life here, and others have the right to choose too.
Boundaries have long been a question for bloggers, certainly those that share their children’s lives, but it goes further than that. We are responsible for the words we use and the stories we tell. Most importantly, to the context of this post, how we tell them. The tone and the intended outcome.
How do I write, share and document my life when my thoughts and ideas feel so tied up in my experience (and the experience of others) right now? This is the question. My current age-old question, which, as I write this, it occurs to me that there’s a pretty simple resolution.
Ask myself, what is the intention of my writing?
If I’m worried that there’s judgement or opinion about how someone is living their life, maybe there is. And I need to take a look at that. What if what I’m writing is coming out as judgmental and preachy because that’s the space I’m in right now? Possible, right?
When I look at a post, and the intention is to help or serve, not shame or judge, that should be clear. It’s something that I can stand by if it does come up as a problem for someone. I think that’s the way I’m going to go about it. Because giving up and saying nothing, well, that won’t work for me. I think we all knew that.
I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever crossed the line with someone else’s story? How do you balance sharing what is true of your experience and other people’s version of things? Do you think my intention thing will work, or am I just giving myself a free pass?
This weekend we celebrated my cousin’s 40th birthday. If you’ve been around for a while now, you know that cousins are something I have plenty of! My Dad is one of eleven children, and my mother is one of five. There’s a lot of us. And when we get together it’s always the best of times.
There’s something about being around people who you’ve known your entire life. People who are somewhat obligated to care about you and want the best for you. For me, my family is a place I find a genuine sense of belonging. A grounding place that I can go to when I’m not sure where I’m going, or even who I am.
A place to belong.
I think it’s the shared history and understanding of the person that you were and who you’ve become. Who knows. But whatever it is, I spend some time laughing and talking and sharing with them and all is right in the world. It’s restorative and I can’t believe that for the past few years I really haven’t made an effort to seek out these occasions.
There have been times in my life that I wondered if my family stopped me developing the skills I need to make friends. Having an inbuilt crew my entire life was the best. But it sort of turned off that switch in my mind that needed other people. I’ve never made friends easily and even as a child, it occurred to me that I didn’t really need them.
I mean, I have at least six cousins born within 18 months of me, I’m set.
But whatever way that coin lands, I wouldn’t change this large, crazy, hilarious, infuriating family for a thing. You know how I am about my parents, siblings and the kids. I’m glad I get the chance to extend that love further and further to cousins and their kids. A foundation I can build my life on. Strong, sure and secure.
I know not everyone has that. For some, this will be a big old slap in the face. But if you don’t have it, look for it and find it with the people who have known you longest. Find that place where you belong and seek it out when you need to ground yourself. Still looking, I can loan you my lot. They’re great at parties!
There’s an order to things and sometimes you just have to stick to it so things WORK. But, I mean, how the heck do you tell the difference between the order of things and change? How does one know whether they’re being a change-maker or a jerk with no consideration for others? Or really, are they the same thing.
These are the thoughts I had while we ate at sushi train.
You see there was a jerk amongst us, an anarchist of sorts. Despite the marked ‘place lid here’ sections placed at intervals around the belt, they just kept placing the lids on the track. One here. A couple there. Just randomly placed, sometimes within arms reach of a designated area. As the belt went round and round it happened over and over.
I’m going to go on and admit right now that on more than one occasion, as I cast steely glances around the restaurant, I picked them up and placed them where they belonged. Then along would come another. Later, another. Someone was fucking with me, for sure. But in the midst of this need for order, I wondered, am I the man?
Not, THE MAN, like they say he’s the maaaaan.
But the man, like ‘Damn the Man’ from Empire Records.
Does conforming to the designated drop off points for the lids make me part of the system? Am I impeeding this person’s expression? Making assumptions about their ability to read and comprehend? Is there a lesson here for me about live and let live, because we all know sometimes I suck at that one. Perhaps I need to sit back and let things happen more, be less reactive? Does it reeeeally matter?
But it DOES matter. Lids placed all over the tracks just doesn’t work. It messes with being able to effectively deliver fresh plates to the train. It messes with the order of things! To me, and that’s important to clarify because maybe to you it doesn’t occur this way, it DOESN’T WORK. The order of things, the way things work, occurs sometimes to ensure that things work. Order and following the rules helps the world go round.
Or maybe, that’s what THEY want me to believe? What say you?
Oh man, sometimes I just wish I could go out to dinner without having a mind-bending existential crisis, seriously. What’s up with that? Lucky I blog, otherwise this could be swirling around in my brain all week!
Last night dinner ran late so I decided to watch a movie with the Mr instead of writing this blog post. I’m glad I did because now it’s about appreciation and taking the time. Rather than whatever other b.s. I was going to pull out of my butt yesterday.
Appreciation. Gratitude. Acknowledgement.
When it comes to relationships whether they be for work or for play, you just can’t go past being appreciated. Turn that outwards, and appreciation can go a long way toward keeping your partner, team or organisation happy.
But often it’s the first thing to be forgotten. A thank you here and a well done there. I see it all the time as I work within all types of organisation. Sometimes all it takes is a reminder, others it takes an entire culture shift. But one thing I know for sure is that showing people you appreciate them is always worth it.
Work, rest or play.
It’s like they talk about in the whole love languages thing. It’s about finding the way to best communicate that with people and doing that. For Kel, it’s always about the touch. A back rub or a hand placed on his shoulder is what really makes him feel appreciated. He’s also a Sagittarius, so he loves a good present.
Me? I like people to use their words, to tell me how they feel and then back that up with actions. No gifts, I’m okay with a gift, but what really shows me you appreciate me is making an effort. Using your words and backing that up by showing me. Forget big gestures or crazy displays, I’m a simple girl. Make time for me during your day, check in on me, and I’m good with that.
I want to talk to you today about a woman named Anne. A woman who through actions taught me how to show up for people. But first, let’s go back to go forward, shall we? Anne worked for my parents and as kids, we saw her anywhere up to three times a week.
She was Annie Oakley, to my Mother. We called her Anne.
Which is weird because we called everyone Mr or Mrs, or Aunt or Uncle. Anyway, she was Anne and to a kid who had lost all but one of their grandparents before she was 12, she was that for me. Anne was the grandmother we didn’t know we wanted or needed.
Not just because Anne was never afraid to reprimand my siblings and I if we needed it. Or because she would ask how school went that day and genuinely want to hear the answer. She was like a grandmother to us because she showed up for us long into our adult lives. After she stopped working for my parents. And well after a time when she had enough grandkids on her hands to worry about us.
Seriously, every single musical I was in, she came to. Nuts.
Anne came to our plays and shows, to birthdays and family celebrations. She was there for our weddings and sent gifts or cards when my nieces and nephews were born. Anne always showed up for those she loved. It’s something that I try to do in my life. Sometimes I’m better at it than others, but I know how because of the example she set.
I’ve been blessed in this life to know so many people who can be counted on. Who shows up when you need them, and sometimes just because they figure you might need them. If I can get the hang of one thing in this lifetime, I want to be that person for somebody.
I want to be the one that shows up. I think that would make Anne proud.
