I’m serious when I tell you when I gave up drinking, I hadn’t intended to. One day I was changing how I ate, looking to achieve a whole host of things, and I decided alcohol wouldn’t fit in with those changes. So, I stopped drinking. Now, It’s been three months since I gave up drinking, and I don’t miss it. Thinking about it now, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve even given it a second thought.
Very strange for someone who enjoyed a good drink or two but here we are. Most people who have heard about this recent development are confused about why. Others, I’m sure, weren’t surprised at all. Team wine, that was me, and the frequency with which I would consume a glass or two had been growing over the years. Add in my friend, vodka, and it was becoming a free for all.
After these few months, what have I discovered when I gave up drinking; about myself, alcohol and the whole darn thing?
A small disclaimer before I get into this. I’m not a professional medical type, nor do I have any experience with addiction recovery or counselling. This is not advice, medical or otherwise, and it certainly isn’t a comment on addiction. It’s simply my experience, what I’ve noticed about my life and health since I gave up drinking after being a regular, if not heavy, drinker for decades. If you’re feeling like alcohol might be a problem for you or someone you know, try this link from Lifeline Australia.
The effects on your waistline
I learned that alcohol, such as wine and its mixer friends, have a lot of calories that seem to enjoy adding to your waistline. There are no ifs, buts, or maybes about that. Add to that general puffiness and dull skin. What’s not to love about that? She says sarcastically. But remove them from the equation; the extra weight (and the rest) leave as quickly as they arrived. Or that has been my experience anyway.
The Money Honey
Next, let’s talk about how much money I was spending! Between a wine subscription, trips to the local bottle shop and a taste for the good stuff, vodka-wise, the costs were adding up. A few years ago, I talked about how I felt entitled to upgrade my spending as our lives became more financially stable. Well, this was one area I did that and then some!
Tallying it all up in my head, I was astounded by how much money we spent on drinks. Between that and trying to kick the takeaway habit, our transaction account got cleaned up really fast! But to be fair, it’s not like I’ve saved a lot from not drinking these last few months. I have a new thing to spend my money on… plants. (How Millenial of me, haha).
Sleep and general mental clarity
That last subheading sounds serious, and it is. The biggest thing I’ve learned since I gave up drinking is that drinking ruins your sleep and mental health. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but with regular drinking comes crappy nights of sleep and the subsequent days of fogginess and all-around sluggishness.
It may be me, full disclaimer, but I’ve improved my sleep quality massively since I gave up alcohol. My apple watch/health chart-thingy has an impressive graph to reflect that. Even with my higher-than-average caffeine consumption, almost immediately, it was better. Which, if it were a weight-related thing, wouldn’t have shown any real improvement until weeks later? But there it was, an immediate spike.
Then there’s the less easy-to-track mental clarity. Based on how I feel, this has improved dramatically. My business has been booming, and I’m busier than ever. While sometimes I get tired, I don’t feel burnt out or exhausted like I once did as I poured a glass to end my day. Sure, this could be an improved mental health state, but interesting to note this upswing in brain power.
So, what now for me and booze?
In conclusion, I don’t intend to quit drinking forever. That might change; never say never, but that’s the current feeling I get. Because I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, celebrating with my sparkling favourites or a frosty beverage at the beach. Even over Christmas, I won’t rule out a beverage or two. But this time off of the booze has completely changed my relationship with drinking.
Before, I felt like I had to drink to be social. To quiet the voice of anxiety so I could forge ahead in situations that put me out of my comfort zone. In the more difficult mental health times, even at some places in my comfort zone. But that was an excuse, short version. Drinking made those things worse in the long run. Even if I didn’t feel the effects until the next day or once the alcohol had worn off. And giving up drinking made them better, over time, with a distance between me and what my life used to look like.
It’s been big news around here. The kids’ YouTube channel finally (fiiinnnnaallllyyy) reached 100 subscribers. We are all pretty pumped to achieve this first milestone. Especially as a channel made for kids with no specific purpose and, thanks to me, sporadic videos. It was level 100 excitement around here when the number ticked over. And because kids know what is what and they decided to celebrate.
Let there be cake!
And so we did, they talked about it, asked about it, and prompted me until we finally had a celebratory cake sitting in front of us, talking about what we love about making videos. It was a celebration of our win and something I know that I need to get better at. Maybe you do too.
A couple of years ago now, around this time, this blog turned ten years old. And there was little more than a blog post to mark the occasion. Which is, even now, disappointing. That kind of longevity and milestone deserved better than that. But at the time, I think I was too caught up in day-to-day life to acknowledge that.
Then, because time waits for no woman, the moment was gone.
Opportunity missed, another moment passed me by, lost to the sands of time. Which may, and probably does, sound dramatic. What can I say? That’s the way I look at it now. No, it doesn’t change the actual milestone. We still managed to keep this blog world afloat for ten years, and that can’t be taken away from us. But that was a win that deserved to be celebrated; for you and me.
And that’s the crux of it, I think. Where I was, mental health-wise, at that time wasn’t the best. Things I used to love to do were washed out, colourless versions of their former selves. I didn’t take the time to celebrate because I didn’t think I deserved it. It didn’t feel important enough to celebrate myself and my achievements for no other reason than I said so; it felt like a stretch.
But I was wrong, it was worth celebrating! I am worth celebrating.
And you, my friend, are worth celebrating as well. I know I needed to hear that and maybe right now, you are waiting for a similar kick in the pants. Too often we wait for those milestones society tell us are a celebration. Things like weddings, graduations, babies. But I’m becoming a firm believer that we shouldn’t wait for these things.
Firstly, because some of them may not happen for you. Weddings and babies especially are tricky things to ‘make’ happen. But also because if it means something to you, you should celebrate it. Don’t wait! Order a cake, pop a bottle of champagne or take a day off. Celebrate your wins and remind yourself and those around you that you’re worth it.
We’ve been having work done at the house recently, so when my alarm goes off, I’ve been bouncing out of bed to avoid being spotted by tradies in my PJs. After a week or more of doing this, I had a tradie free day ahead of me and decided to snooze the alarm a few times. A present, a reward of sorts, to myself from myself.
So, snooze I did! Many alarms later, I dragged myself out of bed, moving slowly and feeling poorly for the first time that week. Not even my first coffee of the day, with too many shots of coffee to admit to, I was still meh. Had snoozing my alarm gotten in the way of starting my day right just like they said it would? I mean, the short answer is probably. But let’s talk about that.
Why does snoozing often leave you feeling worse?
There’s no lengthy personal research or extensive list of findings to back me up here. But I know that the next day when I skipped the snooze button, I felt better. Getting into my day was easier, brighter and generally felt good. So, I went looking for why that is and was pretty interested in what I found. It turns out there’s a pretty simple reason.
“That grogginess and disorientation that we experience upon the first few moments of waking is called sleep inertia. Hitting the snooze button repeatedly disorients your body, raising the chances of this sleep inertia extending two to four hours into your morning. We’re sure the last thing you need is to be tired for longer.” By Jared Sebastian via Reverie – The Button Punches Back: Why Snoozing is a Bad Idea.
So, it’s totally a thing. That meh feeling is just your body in a state of confusion about whether it is sleep time or go-time. A bit like when I start drinking coffee after dinner and then try to wind down. Okay, great, so now we know that snoozing the alarm is creating this wobbly start to the day, now what?
Stop doing it. That’s been my plan, and so far, so good.
But, what if, like me, you are looking to grab those few extra moments of sleep via snoozing (which we now know doesn’t work)? It could be a symptom of something else, sleep-wise, not going so well for you. Darcy McDonough, M.S. believes it could be a function of poor sleep hygiene.
What does sleep hygiene mean? Well, she talks more about it here, but the gist is that it refers to the conditions or practices conducive to good sleep. Short version? You’ve got a bad habit hidden somewhere that leads to bad sleep, which leads to you wanting more.
Not sure how to go about getting better quality sleep?
Head over to the freebies and downloads page and grab the better sleep guide. I put it together a few years ago in a camper somewhere on the New Zealand coast for the Confident You body Image challenge. There’s even a spelling mistake on the cover (and I’m sure within), so you can tell it’s legit. Haha. The eBook has some simple ideas to improve how you wind down to sleep and tricks for sleeping better once you’re there.
Sleep has always been a thing for me, can you tell? I started this blog in the long insomniac nights of my twenties mental health. It’s been something I’ve been working on, improving and sharing here ever since. So, I’m happy to pass what I’ve found onto you. Let’s just say, moving forward, I’m going to do what I can to resist the call of the snooze button.
When I say that I’m all about working less and living more, what does that mean to you? Books such as the 4-hour workweek springs to mind or every single clickbait online ad for making money while you sleep. And no, this isn’t some passive income post. However, I would highly recommend finding a way to leverage that in your life. There is a multitude of different things that could be coming to mind for you. But for me, it’s about buying back my time. For what, you might ask? For freedom, thanks.
It’s about working fewer actual hours to enjoy your life more (with those extra hours).
You would know that I’m a strong believer that sitting at a desk isn’t the same thing as getting work done. Or that time spent equals work produced. I’m not too fond of the hourly rate, and it’s a big reason, I guess, that my work is often billed at a project or retainer rate. It’s about doing more with less time spent on the work. Not cutting corners, but streamlining what you can finish sooner.
Producitiy and time management have become the sort of catchphrase we are exhausted with hearing about. But the appeal for me has always been how do I take these tips and turn them into an extra hour at the end of the week. Or an extra day to my weekends, perhaps. And so I use checklists and plans, drafts and templates, and I do my best to avoid distraction. Always a laughable challenge in this place. And I find that without too much effort or strain, I can do the work that I need to do in about four hours or so a day, maximum.
Because yes, in my books, working less does make you happier.
Especially if you can maintain (or increase, but I said this wasn’t about passive income, haha) your income. Who wouldn’t want that, right? Working for myself, it’s easy to schedule work at times that I know I’m most productive. Some of those hours happened a solid two hours before I even started work at previous jobs. I trust myself to wander sometimes because I know I’ll come back clearer. And the work gets done. I have space for other things. For days off to do other things or time for personal projects.
But, it’s not just for those who work for themselves. Easier, though, perhaps than having to explain your tendency to wander to a boss who expects you at your desk. I know many people who have negotiated shorter workdays or weeks on the promise of delivering what they are supposed to deliver. The work gets done, and that’s what matters, right?
If you’re interested in making a shift to your lifestyle, start there. Is there a request you could make? Could you start earlier and finish sooner if that suited you? Are you able to work from home where you know the loud music and occasional kitchen based distraction that is your ‘process’ won’t distract anyone else? Work four days instead of five, two instead of three? Longer if need be or more based on achieving what needs to be done rather than filling a seat. Come up with a plan, be prepared to be accountable for it, and ask.
Because life is too short to live for work.
Trust me; there are so many better things you could be doing with your time. Quit your job and run away from home might be a little much for you, but what would your life look like if you owned more of your free time to be free? That’s the real question, right? The best news is that the answer is anything.
On Monday, I shared a meme (I’ll drop it below) on Facebook, and it was a mood. It certainly seemed to hit a nerve with you guys too, and it’s still getting attention even now. That meme told me one thing about all of us – we’re tired. T. I. R. E. D. My plan to combat that is to encourage you to join me in a self-care weekend. That’s your challenge, should you choose to accept it and now, let’s talk about that.
Firstly, as much as I love a good book, a face mask or a bath as my form of self-care, it doesn’t have to look like that for you. Maybe you even resisted clicking on this because self-care as a term doesn’t speak to you at all. I get that. It’s another of those terms, like body positivity, that was corrupted on Instagram.
But, for me, it can mean any number of things that you do for yourself. A self-care weekend could be big or small, if they take you half an hour this morning or all Sunday to implement. It doesn’t matter, the outcome is simple. You must feel cared for, and you must do the caring. Why is that? Well, you know best what you want or need. That’s why it has to be you. speaking of which, you DO know what you want, don’t you?
For some of you, that may mean going slow and cooking your favourite meal, including something delicious to start and a decadent dessert to finish. Others may find comfort in some quiet time to plan their next move. To reflect and journal, to brainstorm some ideas and get it all down on paper.
Whatever a self-care weekend looks like for you, it is fundamental to living a life that works for us.
We humans can’t just keep going until we drop. I can’t, you can’t; none of us can. Self-care can be rest (do nothing, stare at the ceiling or nap, rest), or it can be active, but you have to listen. When you listen to yourself for a moment (in the shower, sitting on the edge of your bed or slumped on the couch), what do you really, really want? What do you need right now? And can you give that to yourself? That’s important work.
A short disclaimer here, my friend. I’ve been in the position numerous times in my life when I’ve been numb to that. Numb to what I want or need and to how to get anything for myself that I wanted. If that is you, be kind to yourself and don’t push. You don’t have to have anything figured out. I believe that ‘the numbness’ is a protection, and you can’t force your way through it. Go slow, keep asking, and find your way.
Because caring for yourself is crucial. In every big or small way that we choose to do it. Maybe you’ve been taught to put others first, and this will be uncomfortable. But, with love, it’s time to get past that. Remind yourself of all the sayings about filling your cup, applying the oxygen mask first, and happy wife, happy life, and break free.
You deserve this time to care for yourself. Are you willing to give it yourself?
Not sure where to start when it comes to creating a life you love? It can all seem overwhelming, right? But what if I told you that by taking on these small, everyday habits, you could start to cause a significant shift in your life? You’re in luck because that’s what I’m talking about. Because significant change is tricky, hard to face and can be overwhelming. But when you start creating a life built entirely on how you choose to live, it’s the small things that are in your control.
What it took to change my life wasn’t big, knee-knocking change, it was the small things. Taking small easily actioned steps in my everyday life that improved the quality of my life in a big way. Sure, they may look simple from the outside, but how many of these little things do you let slip through your fingers on a daily basis? How many of them could you start doing today and cause a real change for yourself? Let’s get started because I can’t wait to share them with you.
Drink more water
I know, I know, you’ve heard this one a million times, but that’s because it’s true. Get yourself a giant-ass water bottle and take it everywhere. Make it so big that it’s inconvenient to carry; there’s no way you’ll forget to drink your water then. At your desk, next to your favourite spot on the couch and especially in your car, carry water. Drink water. Hydrate your body fully, and you might just find a lot of those dull headaches and general ugh feelings start to slip away. I come from a long line of water drinkers, we love all things water, soda water, mineral water, flat or sparkling. Sure, some of those options have more salt that you want in them, but find your preferred vehicle of H20 and get drinking.
Stop trusting your memory
I talk a lot about lists on this blog, plans and planners make up the foundation of my life. Why? Because with everything I have going on, there is literally no way that I could remember everything I have to do, every place I have to be and all that comes with having a life. And that’s okay! We aren’t built like that. So, take the weight off your shoulders and write it down. I have a few planners/to-do list type printables on my free resources page. Grab some of those and print them off as a place to start. Believe me, the sooner you stop relying on your memory to save the day, the more space you will have to get stuff done. Write it down, have a plan, free yourself!
Send them packing
There is something to be said for letting go of the people or situations you’re holding onto. This one is hard and takes work, especially if you’ve experienced something unfair, hurtful or negatively life-changing. But start now to do the work. Find a counsellor or get a referral to one if you need to. This could be a conversation you shouldn’t be having with yourself or those close to you who just want to fix it for you. Get the tools to begin to free yourself from whatever it is that is holding you back. And it may not be apparent right now what that is; that’s okay. Start to look, do the work and send those losers packing.
Do one thing you love
You want to create a life you love, right? Live your best life? Well, why not start with doing one thing every day (every week if you’re pushed) that you love to do. Something that if it was incorporated in your routine would bring a smile to your face and that warm glow of success. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. For me, when I was first preparing to leave my job, I started spending more time in my home office, just writing or reading or looking at beautiful things online. Sure, I wasn’t at the point where my dream had come true yet, but being there, feeling so good in those moments, it made it seem close. So close, I could smell it.
Get better sleep
I know you’re busy, you’re up to big, exciting things. But if there is something you could be doing to get better sleep, if not more, then start doing it. Practice habits like leaving your phone on charge in another room while you sleep, get some darkened curtains or take the opportunity for a day nap when it arises. People scoff at the sleep when the baby sleeps thing, but seriously, 30 minutes will recharge you. Also on the resources page is my How to Get Better Sleep eBook I put together for one Confident You challenge (it has a spelling mistake on the cover, this does not reflect the quality of the content, haha). Out of ideas on how to get more or better sleep? Try that.
Face your finances
Lack of funds or worrying over money is something all of us have in common, I think. We’ve all done it, and it sucks the life out of you wondering how you’re going to make ends meet. While I can’t help you solve all your money worries, I do find that it helps to know exactly where I stand financially at any given time. The way I do this, and it may not work for you is to keep a spreadsheet of upcoming/arrived bills. Just having those figures there gives me room to figure out what to do next. Or for some of you, this could mean getting better acquainted with how much money is in your accounts. Or what you actually owe which may be uncomfortable at first. The first time I added up all my credit and store cards (in my early twenties) was a shock! Know your position, get to know how your money comes and goes. Start today and build a relationship with your money.
Say no a lot
A large part of creating your life as you want to live it is not allowing yourself to be dragged with the whims of others. How often do you have time to yourself to work on what matters to you and it gets taken up directly or indirectly by others? One of the best habits I’ve learned is to choose my answers wisely, and if I can’t do it or don’t want to do it, I say no. It takes practice but carving out time for yourself, and your dreams are important. Just like finding the time to do one thing you love, it’s a practice that feeds the shift towards you living life on your own terms. Saying no is something I’ve written about a few times on the blog, this post seems to be a favourite. If you’re struggling, pop over and check it out.
And then, say yes
The best part? When you’ve learned to say no, you get to decide when you will give an enthusiastic yes. This could be running an errand for your partner, grocery shopping for the family or helping a friend with their to-do list. All great things to do, necessary even, but what is left for you? I’ve always said the life I live is about being available for my family. To help my siblings with childcare or fix my parent’s computer issues. All of that makes up how I see my best life being lived. But before I had the space to say yes to those things, I had to learn to say no first. I had to learn to put my needs ahead of theirs, to ask if I could do it later or another day. Learning how to say no, enabled me to set the structure and the boundaries to now be able to say yes.
Embrace yourself
You are you; uniquely and without comparison. It is time to embrace that. As a child and well into my teen years, I wanted to be different somehow. Whether that be how my body looked or the weird way my mind worked. I wanted to make friends easier and fit in with large groups like others around me. But, that wasn’t who I am. As an adult, while I have practised and developed new social skills, it’s still not who I am. I’m a little bit awkward, often overthinking things and should apply a filter a little more often. But now, more than ever, I love who I am. Faults and all. Social challenges and everything. This acceptance followed by being able to embrace who I am changed what I think I’m worthy of, and it will do the same for you. I know that for sure. Be yourself, right? Everyone else is taken.
This is where I leave you, friend, I can’t wait to hear how life changes for you when you start applying these small habits to your daily life. Don’t forget to head over to our resources page and download the Get Better Sleep Guide for free (no sign up even necessary). There are also planners and checklists if you need a way to improve your daily/weekly or monthly planning.
My skin is notorious for being neglected, mostly. But I try and face masks are one way I do that. My skin has also been exposed to way too much sun, is prone to breakouts with large pores and considerable congestion and oil issues. Fun times. All that aside, I appreciate all my skin does for me (literally holding it together). I also think it’s essential to take some time with yourself like this sometimes and do a mask.
Self-care, baby.
I love the occasional face mask party; a little spa day at home. When I asked for recommendations for what I should be buying, you guys delivered! So, with all that fancy feedback under my wing, I went online shopping. I was looking for cleansing, anti-blemish sort of stuff, but also hydrating and anti-aging too. All the things. Haha.
Before we start, important to know that I didn’t try any DIY facial masks, but maybe I will during winter this year; fill in some time on those nights I’m ready for bed at 6 pm. But for now, I bought enough masks to fulfil the needs of a much larger, more skincare dedicated household than ours. But, that means it’s face mask (the skincare kind) buy and try time. These are the ones I have with my thoughts and feedback for those playing at home. Let’s go.
Buying + Trying at Home Face Masks (Skincare)
Frank Body
First, I picked up the MEGA Complexion Kit because I wanted some variety. Plus I already use the face wash, and Kel uses the everyday moisturiser, so it made sense. My favourite of this little package is the Anti-Drama Mask. I’ve used it three or four times, just in general use, which given the volume of masks I currently have in the house is a lot.
The best part is, as a coffee lover, I’ve always been a massive fan of the coffee smell of Frank Body products. The masks aren’t overly scented, I think the smells you get are just from the ingredients. I should have checked on that for sure, but that’s my guess.
Secondly, the Facebook team recommended trying the Brightening Vitamin C Mask, which is a new’ish product. It wasn’t on the radar. Of all the masks I bought in this round, it’s my favourite. It’s like a gel, easy to apply and doesn’t have to stay on for much longer than 5 minutes. And despite saying that I like the smells, this one doesn’t, and I’m into that.
This is a restock for me, I’ve used this Loreal Pure Clay Marine Algae Anti-Blemish Face Mask (RRP AU $19.99) on and off since they first came out. I’m a sucker for the beautiful blue colour, but mostly, I like it because it’s always done good things for my skin. The best part is that it doesn’t end up leaving my skin overproducing oil which can happen with some of the pollution/congestion-busting ones I’ve tried.
If I know that I’ll be wearing makeup, I’ll do this mask a few days, up to the night, before and it gives me a decent base to work with. It can ‘bring out’ some pimples, so keep that in mind for this makeup strategy. Hence the leaving it a day or two. I’ve used the blue (Pure Clay Marine Algae Anti-Blemish Face Mask) and the black (Pure Clay Detoxifying Charcoal Mask) versions. There are soothing and exfoliating versions too.
This was another recommendation that I’m glad I decided to buy, the Anti-Pollution Facial Masque (Oil Balancing – RRP AU $19.95). This one was a lifesaver during my last period when the combination of self-isolating and hormones hit me HARD. It felt gentle enough to use every couple of days. It was great at improving the overall texture and condition of my skin. I used it in combination with the Vitamin C mask, which can be used 2-3 time a week.
It’s made for combination skin and to be honest, at this time of year I definitely have some dryness with my usually oily skin; weather-related for sure. Overall it’s a great, easy, go-to mask that works for my skin. This mask does leave my skin a little shiny in some places for the day after using it. Possibly due to some of the hydrating aimed at drier skin. That’s not a bad thing, but for me, I avoid if I’m going to be trying to wear makeup within a couple of days.
And that, team, is my little face mask round-up.
I’m in no way, anything remotely close to an expert on skincare. I certainly hope you didn’t come here for THAT kind of advice. Eeeek. But, something like face masks or doing something for your skin, is the perfect way to show yourself a bit of love. And I know, it’s beauty focused and can it not ALWAYS be. Sure, consider this one of many arrows you should have in your self-care quiver. Sound good? Excellent.
Tell me, have you tried any new face masks lately that you’d like to recommend? Or have tried one of the above and want to give your feedback on it?
I mean, this post was bound to happen. As soon as we returned home from the beach, we went into self-isolation. We followed the rules and did what we needed to do. We still had some work on, but ultimately we found that in the changing world we live in that we had a little more free time on our hands. Which, if you know either Kelvin or I is a recipe for disaster.
We need stuff to do.
It only took a few days at home for me to start making lists for everything. Lists of the chores we had to do now and the wish list type jobs we had meaning to get around to for ages. Everything from household chores to what we had on for the day. I’ve been using a diary system for a while now, so I had some order. But Kel hasn’t had the need before now.
Bit by bit the aimless wandering around the house lessened. The piles of started but not finished projects began to disappear. We used those checklists to clear our heads of the noise and get to it. (I’ve exported any we found useful and uploaded them onto the Free Downloads page, link below). It became less about achieving something or getting somewhere, and more about knowing what there was to do.
Often, I think, we end up overwhelmed because we assume that things are worse than they actually are. For years I’ve been writing about overwhelm and how it helps me to get it out of my head. Times like these, are no exception. Whether like us, it’s just about things you would like to do. Or if you’ve got a few more things on that list that needs to be done. Either way, lean into lists. That’s my top suggestion.
My second suggestion is naps.
Isn’t it always?
And I can picture those of you with kids and partners home screaming at me that SURE, SUGER, THAT WOULD BE NICE!!! But, hold on, it’s about finding some way to be quiet and let you mind rest. We are all processing a million and one things right now; you need a break. So meditate if that makes you feel better than saying you nap, or walk or stretch or lay in the bathtub. Whatever it is, do nothing and just be with the whirring in your head for a while. Hopefully, some peacefulness will be on the other side.
And finally, because I know some of you need to hear this, you are NOT being graded on this. There is no gold star for juggling a pandemic with your hair perfectly styled, kids perfectly educated and bread baking in the oven. You do not need to be perfect and have it all together right now.
EVER, FYI, but one thing at a time.
Do not buy into what you see on Facebook or Instagram; the happy smiling faces and spotless homes. It’s a tiny window into the day of those people. Probably styled and most definitely not everlasting. Sure, I want you to do your best, but in the end, just making it is okay too. I know that right now that those around you are probably pretty excited to get to see more of you. Isn’t that the best?
So, bake if you want to or learn something new. Join in science or art with the kids and make a mess. Go for a run even if you’ve never done just because, heck, who’s going to be out and about to see you try? Write, draw, dance or TikTok because when do we ever take the time to do these things usually?
Give yourself a break, friend.
Trust me, whatever we do, however, we do it, no matter what we are coming out of this differently. I’m almost sure that normal will never be the same again. So, take a look at how you’re living your life and make room for good things. Breathe in and out. Stay home. Wash your hands. And I’ll see you back here again sometime soon. Because look a that, I finally had something to say. Magic.
The problem with working from home is that my office is literally five steps from my backdoor. When everything I want is within a few steps of my desk, it becomes pretty easy to just get set up and stay there. Or if I want a change of scenery, move to the couch with the laptop. It’s hardly the ideal way to get in any incidental exercise. Without specific intention, my activity levels are low. SUPER LOW. Like, less than 1,000 steps per day low.
Yeah, you read that right.
And 1,000 steps per day are NOT ENOUGH. Sure, my phone doesn’t count the Aqua classes I do. It doesn’t measure the trips when I don’t take the phone. But even being generous, it’s not enough. It’s like 10% of enough, IYKWIM?
Kel and I were talking about this the other night and how in a day he can do 6,000 – 7,000 steps as part of his average day (we’ve seen as high as 20,000 recorded in the past). That is what his phone has recorded. Standard. He has a pretty active job that has him outside pretty much all day. Being active isn’t something that he needs to worry about.
Me, however…
With mine hovering around 1,000 steps a day (shakes head) I knew it was time to make some changes. Yes working from home, for myself, doing the whole hustle thing makes it difficult. But also, not really, right? I have the freedom and flexibility to do whatever I want. And right now what I want is to be more active (shake out those cobwebs). Why not share my plans with you guys so that I have some accountability to the plan?
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Here’s my plan to be more active!
Get a Tracker/Smart Watch
If I want accuracy, this is the only way. We say it time and time again on this blog; you can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you are! So. I’m going to figure out exactly where I am. I’ve ordered Kel and I smartwatches to track ALL the things. He wants to look more into how he’s sleeping (there’s an app for that) and I want to dig in and get more steps in my day. Come next week, we’ll know where we are, and the only way is up from there.
Use the reminders
I’m going to set up all the reminders that that smartwatch has to offer. Reminders to stand, move, sleep and drink (water, I promise). There is nothing in my life that I do that doesn’t require some kind of reminder, I’m not sure why I haven’t thought to incorporate reminders into being more active. Focus is a beautiful (in my case often fleeting) thing, but being at my desk in a head down, bum up mode for literally hours upon hours isn’t good for me. I’m going to remind myself to care more until it becomes just another part of my day.
Take more classes
At the moment I might get to one, maybe two Aqua classes a week (worse of the Christmas break). I plan to go on days with back-to-back classes and do two classes for one trip to the pool. When Desiree and I started going together last year, we got into a real groove with things. It’s time to shake off the post-holiday slump and get back into them.
Go out more
When I need a change of scenery, I’m going to go out more. Find a place nearby I can walk to or drive to a park or cafe. Anything to get in some more steps that aren’t inside my house. And yes, some days this won’t be possible. But I live on a quarter-acre block, walking to the back fence and back would work too. Heading into the small wooded area behind my house could be a picturesque change of scene.
Stand up
For years now I have deliberately purchased (or built) standing desks. I know the impacts of sitting especially for the timeframes I’m in my office. But I’ve always copped out of doing any real length of time standing by using stools or drafting chairs to sit at the standing desk. Tricky, right? Moving forward, I’m going to commit to standing half of the time I spend at my desk every day. It might take me time to work up to that but, that’s okay with me. Progress is what I’m looking for here.
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And that’s it, team, my plan for turning around this stationary lifestyle I’ve carved out for myself. Does it sound like something that you could benefit from? Join me. Find a few key ways that you KNOW you can improve how much activity you get in your day. It’s not about being perfect, its about making a change towards something that matters.
He asked me to catch up in a cafe. I’d been working for his family for years at this point, and he wanted to know more. More about me and my life. Where did I see myself in five years? What was it that I wanted for myself and my life? I know now that what he wanted was a way for them to help me get there. To see me achieve my dreams and goals, but at the time, I didn’t know.
There was a brief flickering of the usual suspects; weight loss, more money, happy ever afters. But as far as what I REALLY wanted. What was going to be MY line in the success sand, I didn’t know. I cried (sobbed) because it felt like such a stupid thing to not be able to answer. Who doesn’t know what they want? Who doesn’t understand why they get up in the morning or have something to inspire and motivate them. It seemed ridiculous. And the last thing I wanted to be in front of this person I admired was ridiculous.
Let’s be honest; the snotty ugly cry wouldn’t have helped.
Hear me when I say; I know what that feels like. I know what it is not to see the answer to a question that people seem to answer so quickly. Where do you see yourself in five years? What inspires you? Tell us about your goals or your biggest dream! Terrifying. All entirely sob inducing if you don’t know the answer, or in all honesty, have never taken the time to think about it.
I just always assumed I had some idea. But by this stage, the ‘perfect’ series of life goals had already started to crumble. I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t get what you want and that life isn’t always fair. There had been loss and grief, highs and lows, and challenges that I never expected to face. There had been lessons to learn, but it had never occurred to me that I stopped dreaming. The girl with the plan, all about those goals, was here with nothing. No idea. And no clue where that part of her had gone.
That day something changed.
Not only did I take on the challenge of some personal development courses, but I started to ask myself more questions. That day I began to question everything. Why did I want the things I wanted. Who decided that they were for me? And, if it hadn’t been my choice, then was it something I wanted. It took years of this to develop anything more than a wish list of consumer items and surface-level goals. I wanted more money, time and things. Fine.
Then, as I got better at wanting, I learned to dream again. To focus on a picture of my life as I wanted to live it. A life of creativity and freedom. Sure, I’d need money for that, but the ‘why’ became stronger than any bill that I wanted to have paid. And pictures started to form in my head of days spent making, of free time with family and friends, space to explore who I am and the things I enjoy. I started to see, very clearly, what I wanted and, more importantly, who I wanted to be.
I’m creative, a maker of things, and I thrive on freedom, love and space.
From there, I started to create the life I wanted. Not by making yet another list of things to do, by chipping away at everything that was not that. There I was, years from that first conversation, and I knew what there was for me to do. Finally, I could answer the questions. It’s been about five years since that happened to me since I started to create a life entirely around what I wanted. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, but the course has been steady. I wanted you to know that.
If you are stuck, surrounded by new year/new me goals type posts based on envisioning the year ahead but not knowing where to start, I see you. Know that you don’t have to have it all figured out – I’m not sure we human-types ever do. Start asking yourself more questions about your life; that’s my one tip. Question everything and start to determine who or what designed this life you have. Forget the five-year plan or the goals for 2020.
Get to know yourself instead.
Take this new year, heck this new decade, as a chance to get in touch with yourself and what you want again. Start a conversation with yourself that lasts the entire year. Be kind and let it develop slowly. There is no rush – you don’t need to know what you want or where you are going right now. That’s where ‘they’ get you. It’s a lie. You’ve got time. Practice checking in with yourself. I know, for me, that’s top of my list of things to do in 2020. So why not make it yours?
I want to talk about something with you. It’s about the way that women invest so much energy into controlling our bodies. You know the story; food, dieting, exercises, surgeries and all that beauty standards b.s. Patriarchy, blah, blah, blah. At this time of year, between the summer body hype, food and drink excesses, and family expectations conversations.
It’s a lot.
I have a thought for you about how to frame ALL of that for a more positive experience. For you, because that’s what matters to me. We’ve all been there. Stuck in the cycle of endless, honestly wasteful, conversations that don’t add to our experience as a person. They go on and on never once changing anything. I mean low-carb will always be low-carb, and women will always be expected to care more about how attractive they are. But what if…
Next time you look in the mirror, find yourself in a conversation about weight or berate yourself for food choices, I want you to ask yourself one thing. Ask yourself, what could I be doing instead? Seriously. WHAT is there, in this whole world of possibility, for me to be doing now that would be a better use of my time. Go big or think small, whatever it is that breaks you out of it.
What could I be doing instead?
And not because you should always be productive or busy, but because who knows what you COULD achieve if you just stopped. Imagine it for a moment. Take all that you spend in these conversations with others or yourself and imagine. You could take up a new hobby or finally do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe you’d eat the thing and not worry about it. Perhaps, without giving a thought to what others might think, you pull on those swimmers and jump in!?
As you may know, I started this week embraced by the sunshine and rolling in the waves. I did that because I knew the week ahead was going to be a busy one. It was a preparation for the storm and a recharge of my batteries. So, with lists and plans, I powered through this week getting what there was to be done, done. Kicking the goals, there was to be kicked, and before I knew it, it was Friday.
Even working for myself, I love a good Friday.
There’s an energy about it. Even if I have plans to spend my weekend in my office, I always make time on a Friday and take stock. I think it came from when I was a child. My parents, at the time, owned a general store/takeaway in the small farming town we lived in. Every Friday night, we were allowed to select whatever we wanted for dinner from the menu, followed by a treat from the shop. A reward for a week well done and in a lot of ways, my first practice of unwinding from the traditional ‘working’ week.
As I grew older, that takeaway meal continued, but the treat became wine or a vodka soda. No one wants to cook on a Friday, right? Who wants to even think at that point? But more and more I’m trying to remove alcohol and food from my ways of coping with things; especially stress and pressure.
I’m looking for an alternative, a new go-to. So, on the socials, I asked what your tips and trick are for doing the same. Sheri shared with us her practice of winding down on a Friday night with a bath and a glass of wine. Her tradition born of a ritual stepping from the workweek into the weekend. Some of you encouraged an early night. There were gamers and bathers. Meditators and Yogis. Some looked for positive stories on their newsfeed or Netflix. And then there was dancing!
Who doesn’t love finding a song that lifts you up for a good spin around the house? Or maybe you left the house to unwind? I’m much too much of an introvert for that to be true for me though. Haha. When I recharge, I mostly do it alone. Finding space, even in a house with just the two of us, can be difficult sometimes. But it’s essential to me being able to recharge.
Things to do to wind down from a busy week;
Take a bath – Or a longer than a normal shower with sudsy body wash. Whatever it is do a physical something that symbolises a fresh start for you. Oh man, if I had a pool, this would be where I would take a dip.
Treat yourself! – You know me, I’m into treating myself with wine, take out, a new book, or doing a face mask. What YOUR thing is, whatever makes you feel a little special, do it for yourself at the end of the week.
Complete your week – This one is a little woo-woo. But when I’ve had a particularly hard week, make a list of wins and losses, and brain dump leftover tasks to do later.
Play a game (digital or go old school) – I love this one, not as much as my sister does, but it’s fun. How many times have you used a game to switch off, decompress and recharge? I mean, monopoly probably wouldn’t help with the de-stress thing, but you know what I mean.
See people! My siblings and I, when the kids were babies, used to catch up as often as possible on a Friday afternoon. It was such an awesome way to check it with each other and kick off the weekend.
Work out – Take advantage of the fact most people will ditch the gym on a Friday afternoon/early evening and go for a workout. The amount of times I’ve been put on the breathalyser on my way home from the gym on a Friday night is crazy.
What about you?
Did you answer my question, or do you have something to share? I know there have to be more options for great practices to unwind, de-stress and get ready for what comes next. I’d love to hear them. And that, my friend, is your challenge this week; share something that does that for you, and then do it (if you can find a moment). You can thank me later for how great you feel.
