I don’t often lose my temper, but I often have to use it – Dolly Parton. The quote popped up on my newsfeed like a reminder from my inner self to do what I know to do. I needed the reminder to express myself and set my boundaries. I couldn’t wait to listen to the podcast that it was promoting (details below). You see, I feel the same way about my temper. I try to use it, instead of allowing it to use me.
Using my anger though is not something that came easily. I can be quick to anger and often that anger got out of control; things would be said, actions taken I couldn’t take back. I’ve never been a fighter, but when it came to psychological warfare that was a questionable gift that I possessed. A strange combination of an overthinking mind and the ability to read people (and therefore their weaknesses).
Along the way, I learned to control my anger and invoke it; not let it rule me or my actions. I take no pride in the hurt I’ve caused in the past. Given the opportunity, I’ve expressed that to those that it impacted. The reality though, is that it impacted me most. Losing my temper and allowing it to rule over me was isolating, often embarrassing and often put me in tough situations. I talked about finding my way through that in this short post.
But what’s the difference, right?
How do you know if you’re using your anger or if it’s using you? For me, it was how I felt at that moment and specifically afterwards. Was my anger intentional and used in a way that was powerful? Or was it let loose, spraying or firing all over the place? Identifying that difference was all it took for me. Before, during or after, if I could see that there was any ‘spraying’ of anger or choices that were not in keeping with who I am as a person, my temper had been lost. When I draw on my anger and use it, it’s calm and pointed. Direct in a way that it never is if my temper is lost.
It took practice and in many ways, it still does. In general, I don’t consider myself an angry person, anymore. It’s like an arrow in my quiver, something I can draw on when it’s required. Not in a fake way, but in a way that serves me. In the episode, Dolly references holding employees accountable for what they said they would (or even could) do. She also uses anger, when needed to set or maintain her boundaries. I love that. To be able to call upon anger in such a powerful way is exactly the kind of angry I want to be. Not to mention the next level which is to use my anger to call out injustice or inequality.
So, I keep learning and asking myself What WOULD Dolly Do?
Podcast description: Brené with Dolly Parton on Songtelling, Empathy and Shining Our Lights
This episode is proof that dreams do come true! I get to talk to Dolly Parton about love, empathy, and the power of truth-telling. We talk about everything from her new book, Dolly Parton, Songteller: My Life in Lyrics and songwriting, to the challenges of leading organizations and Burt Reynolds. It’s amazing to me how Dolly’s songwriting and storytelling seem to be driven by a deep calling to turn toward pain and heartbreak so she can shine a light for all of us to find our way.
Listen to the Dolly Parton episode of Brené Brown’s podcast Unlocking Us here.
Buying clothes when your plus-size can suck. On this blog, its something we talk about a lot. But, what about where to buy clothes for plus size men? Are there a lot of options for on-trend fashionable pieces for the big guys? The short answer to that question is that it has come a long way from the Big and Tall shops of the past.
The idea for this post actually came from the search terms on my blog post Where to Buy Clothes for Plus-Size Teens. I realised, while there were lots of options for plus-size women in that post, by not including a few of the big guys, I had excluded those who are looking to dress in a more masculine fashion. I should have known better (I’ve since updated that post).
This is my attempt to offer some options for the plus-size guys who may find themselves here looking for fashionable clothing options. Let’s dive in.
Where to buy clothes for plus-size men!
Kel and my brother have both been roped into featuring in photos for this brand (see below). Since then, it’s where I go if Kel needs new clothes especially anything for special occasions or the sort of wardrobe staple I expect to last (jeans or dress pants, jackets etc). The price point is pretty middle fo the range and they often have great sales or special offers.
I’m happy to recommend this brand and we continue to shop there. However, I have to let you know our horrible experience with customer service over a pair of shoes that my brother purchased. They wore through (worn Monday to Friday for work) really quickly and they wouldn’t take them back/listen to our concerns as they reference the extensive wear which was the point of the concern in the first place.
To be honest I don’t remember how it was resolved as I left it with my brother. But suffice to say that it left a bad taste in our mouth. Maybe as far as the accessories go, shop the sales. 😉
I think you’re going to love the range and selection offered by ASOS. If I’m stuck and can’t find anything for Kel (and sometimes for me too) then I head to the ASOS Plus-Size Men’s range to see if I can find it there. Especially jackets, lounge or sportswear or basic tees.
With the mid to low price point, it makes for a good option for the on-trend pieces it can be impossible to find. Especially since they are added new styles and brands to their line up all the time. One of those big sellers that will become a resource for you, I’m sure.
One word on this one, Trendy! BooHoo has always boasted a low price point and up to the minute fashion pieces. Their BooHoo Men range is no different. I refer to this style of retailer as cheap and cheerful because if you’re looking for something fun or that you’ve seen your favourite wearing, this is the place to go. They’re always turning over new styles with fresh takes on current trends.
The bad news is that Boohoo is often listed as a thumbs down due to their manufacturing process and labour conditions. I won’t even make my usual joke about it being ‘not ideal’ because it’s worse than that. I do believe that with continued pressure a brand like this can be made to do better. But, always, I thought you should have all the information before making your choices. In this case, which happens too often in plus-size clothing options, for a lower price-point, this is what we have to live with.
I came across this brand when I was shopping for Kelvin recently for a wedding. This is more of a classic style, with button-ups and business casual attire then a lot of the other options. Things like sleepwear and swimwear as well. There are a lot of styles and fits, usually available in multiple colourways, but unfortunately, none of the clothing is shown on models for fit.
This is also a great spot for things like belts, suits and sports coat; the sort of staples you need to build a solid wardrobe. On my rounds, I noticed a lot of the retailers don’t merchandise a lot of accessories specialised for plus-size bodies (especially belts) which is such a missing. You can find a lot of that here.
When you head to The Iconic there is a more limited selection of men’s plus-size clothing with only a few brands featured. That said, there are some great wardrobe staple items here such a basic tees, classic polos and style jacket fits. For me, the range is a modern take on the casual classics I personally gravitate to.
The other thing that they’re great at is accessories. You’ll find an extensive range of modern, even designer, sunglasses, shoes and bags. Especially sneakers if you’re into such things.
There we go! Some great options for clothes for plus size men. Was your favourite spot covered here? I especially want to know if we missed any small retailers based in Australia or New Zealand. We love a local small business. Let me know if you have any questions as you go through, I’ll answer whatever I can and outsource the rest.
Before we go, here are a few more photos of Kel and my brother Dean looking great in Johnny Bigg items featured on the blog in the past. No brand association currently exists, but when we took these photos it was for either sponsored posts or content creation for the brand. Full disclosure, you know how it goes.
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I was in a conversation the other day about finding clothing inspiration from plus-size fashion bloggers when you’re at the larger side of plus. A young woman was looking for places to shop and inspiration; she wears a US 20/22 (AU 24/26’ish). Stumped, she had reached out to a group I’m in and asked for suggestions. Of course, I sent in my list, American-based since she is. And it made me realise, I should totally do a round-up on the blog. Obviously! And here we are talking size 22+ plus-size fashion people.
Too often we tend to see the next big thing, plus-size fashion-wise, come from Instagram’ers/Bloggers in that size 14-18 category. I’ve done a post about Australian Plus-Size Fashion Bloggers to follow. And well, great. But what about the other end of the spectrum? What about the bigger end of things? Where are the coverage and representation there? Don’t you worry, friend, I’ve got you. Here are some size 22+ plus-size bloggers that I follow. Most of them are top of the game with some of the highest content-producing Instagrams out there. In. The. World. Some still even have blogs. I know, that’s so 2015 of us. I went as global as I could with my selections, I hope you find someone new to love.
Plus-Size Fashion Bloggers (Size 22+) you need to follow on Instagram!
And there you go, team. I hope while you’re over on Instagram adding all these ladies you stop by my account @sugercoatit and say hello! I’d love to see you there. Sharing outfit photos and my personal style, hasn’t really been something I’ve done a lot of in the past couple of years. At one time, that was a conscious choice, but other times, I just haven’t been confident in the quality of content I was producing. Which, I know probably seems silly to some people. Just post the photo, right?
But my work matters to me, I want it to be good, or at very least improving. Yes, sometimes I get caught up in the idea that if it’s not right. But if it’s not good enough, then I shouldn’t use it. The real problem is when nothing is good enough and there’s really other stuff going on. I thought I’d share that as a nod to the women featured above who make things almost daily to share. That takes something, the least of all being a lot of work. My hat is off to them!
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