A couple of weeks ago, I received an Ask Suger talking about the changes they had been going through in their life and how they felt behind everyone else they knew. And it wasn’t that they were not getting what they wanted, feeling as if they were taking giant steps backwards. So, they wanted to see if I’d ever felt like that and if I had any advice. Phew, team, what a heartbreaker THAT was to read.
And primarily because, of course, I’ve been there. I promise you that we all have. Maybe it was as simple as changing a career when everyone else seemed to have worked out their dream job as a teenager. Or as significant as losing a partner, home or important career. For me, it was infertility and, later, tax debt that bought about my WTF moments. I’ve written about how waiting for something you want changes you.
Feeling left behind as your peers move forward sucks. But what I think is really at the heart of it, for me at least, was feeling like I missed out. That someone else had what I wanted, and now there was nothing left for me. Of course, it wasn’t true; with time, I ended up in a different place altogether. But while I was in it, suffering and struggling to breathe, it sure felt like it was.
And then, there was the time we sold our home to pay off a tax debt – a big one. We’d just turned thirty, and inside of settling into this life we’d so confidently been creating, it all got stripped away. Living in my sister’s home, facing the mess that I’d made for myself (we had maybe, technically), it felt impossible that I’d have to start over. But, as impossible as it first seemed, which I think was my shame and embarrassment, it took one foot in front of another and a lot of support from those around us.
I’m wandering down memory lane like this because I promise you, we have all been there somehow. Feeling that you don’t have it together or that life is passing you by is something that happens to all of us. Sometimes it is. Yes, that’s a reality check we don’t want to hear but need to hear when it’s true. Maybe, like me and taxes, you need to try harder, create better systems or learn something.
Or maybe, you’re in the middle of getting what you want, and you didn’t even realise it? There have certainly been times when things were working out exactly as they should because I was looking for another way. Maybe those backward steps redirect you to the path meant for you all along? Perhaps you’re in one of the stages of achieving your goals and can’t see it yet? Whatever it is, know that I believe you are where you are because it’s where you’re supposed to be.
And sure, it’s not always fun and not always easy. But from here, who knows what is ahead of you and what adventure awaits? Do you know that old saying about being unable to see the forest for the trees? Maybe that’s you right now? Up to the eyeballs in trees. Hopefully, it makes you feel less alone and more supported as you move forward that we’re here with you.
There’s no such thing as the life you’re supposed to be living. No place to be or perfect ‘you’ve arrived’ moment of finality (until the end). Enjoy the ride, learn from your mistakes and have patience with yourself and what you want.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
