What would you say if I told you that I don’t think your partner should be your reason for your positive body image? My boyfriend loves my body, he embraces my curves, but I just can’t see it, she said. They love my body, me? Not so much, they said. I see it and hear it all over the internet in Groups and mentioned in the comments. It’s worrying, to say the least. I worry about these people. Almost as much as the ones that say their partner doesn’t like their body.


But, my friend, your body image is NOT your partner’s job. It’s yours.


Not just because they could change their mind, leave or even not end up being who you thought they were. But because this sort of work should never be an outside job. You are responsible for doing the work to disassemble the conversation you are having about your body. Unfair, I know. You didn’t start this rubbish, and you certainly didn’t put it there. But the work is for you to do.

Your body image is not your partner’s job. Unfortunately, if you are looking for someone to deem you beautiful, it’s always dependant on them. If you need a parent or friend to tell you that you’re worthy of love; they may not be capable of that.

And yes, I think it is helpful, valuable even to have someone in your corner it can’t be the be-all and end-all. For me, when I’ve struggled to see myself, Kel has been great. He has been supportive, constructive and has never brought up my body without me starting the conversation. There are some tips in this article for helping your partner love their body when they don’t. But treat this love and support, when you get it, as a bonus.


A cherry on top of your body image.
Not the whole sundae.


We put so much stock into how our partner feels about our body we stop doing the work if I’m being straight with you here. We need to stop valuing ourselves by how attractive we are (or think we are) to someone and start doing the work to shift our beliefs around what a good body is. Spoiler alert, it’s actually got nothing to do with how it looks. Annette on the Facebook page has it right, we need to move past the idea of being seen as attractive, beautiful or sexy to someone else, even to ourselves. It’s time to start seeing the value in our body for being our feet on the ground in this world. A means to an end.


Photo by AllGo – An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash

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