Considering I was in my office this morning before 6 am, you’d think I’d be ready to roll with this email early, right? Apparently not. I got caught up making a few changes to the blog branding I had a dream about last night. Saying it came to me in a dream seems a little out there, but that’s kind of how it went.
I’ve been bringing the look of the blog and socials into 2022 and generally tinkering around behind the scenes for a while now. But I feel like I have found the final piece to the puzzle (along with some stuff I have happening behind the scenes). But why bother, right? I post sporadically at best; it hardly seems worth it.
Well, because I love it.
I love that it gave me this ‘job’ and life that I love. It’s shaped the way that I communicate and learn. So, it remains important and part of how I express myself. Something which I feel myself coming back to over and over again even as it stands quiet and neglected on the public side.
I know now, and trust, that it won’t always be the case. And sure, maybe there are not 100k likes or follows in my future, big brand partnerships or producing content for money. But maybe there will be space for me to find my feet again after a strange couple of years. Maybe there will be room for me to stretch what I know about myself and this thing I do there.
And yes, I am aware that this is a topic you’re probably sick to death hearing about.
Do it or don’t, you scream in the emails, do whatever you want, we’re good. But it is what mattered most to me this morning—sharing the spark of creativity, the bud of a blooming flower that marks the start of something new for me. It’s been a while since I felt free to express who I am.
Yesterday I posted the image above to my socials, and I meant it. I think we all do better and feel better when making something. Whether baking a cake, writing again for the first time in years (go Shae!) or finding new ways to do the things we’ve always done, it’s too easy in our day-to-day lives to get caught up in what we should do; the to-do list or workload.
But what if you gave yourself a moment to draw, paint, sculpt, bake, craft, write, sing or perform? To make something.
Thanks for always giving me the space; I hope you feel you are given the same room to create something too. If not, let me hold some open for you to fill. Consider this your challenge this week, find something that you can make, that you LOVE to make, and do it.
I was hoping you could find the time, I know your life is busy, but it will be worth every second. Express yourself, friend; it’s the only way to live this big, fully self-expressed life we’re going for over here. Go big or go home, right?
A couple of weeks ago, I received an Ask Suger talking about the changes they had been going through in their life and how they felt behind everyone else they knew. And it wasn’t that they were not getting what they wanted, feeling as if they were taking giant steps backwards. So, they wanted to see if I’d ever felt like that and if I had any advice. Phew, team, what a heartbreaker THAT was to read.
And primarily because, of course, I’ve been there. I promise you that we all have. Maybe it was as simple as changing a career when everyone else seemed to have worked out their dream job as a teenager. Or as significant as losing a partner, home or important career. For me, it was infertility and, later, tax debt that bought about my WTF moments. I’ve written about how waiting for somethingyou want changes you.
Feeling left behind as your peers move forward sucks. But what I think is really at the heart of it, for me at least, was feeling like I missed out. That someone else had what I wanted, and now there was nothing left for me. Of course, it wasn’t true; with time, I ended up in a different place altogether. But while I was in it, suffering and struggling to breathe, it sure felt like it was.
And then, there was the time we sold our home to pay off a tax debt – a big one. We’d just turned thirty, and inside of settling into this life we’d so confidently been creating, it all got stripped away. Living in my sister’s home, facing the mess that I’d made for myself (we had maybe, technically), it felt impossible that I’d have to start over. But, as impossible as it first seemed, which I think was my shame and embarrassment, it took one foot in front of another and a lot of support from those around us.
I’m wandering down memory lane like this because I promise you, we have all been there somehow. Feeling that you don’t have it together or that life is passing you by is something that happens to all of us. Sometimes it is. Yes, that’s a reality check we don’t want to hear but need to hear when it’s true. Maybe, like me and taxes, you need to try harder, create better systems or learn something.
Or maybe, you’re in the middle of getting what you want, and you didn’t even realise it? There have certainly been times when things were working out exactly as they should because I was looking for another way. Maybe those backward steps redirect you to the path meant for you all along? Perhaps you’re in one of the stages of achieving your goals and can’t see it yet? Whatever it is, know that I believe you are where you are because it’s where you’re supposed to be.
And sure, it’s not always fun and not always easy. But from here, who knows what is ahead of you and what adventure awaits? Do you know that old saying about being unable to see the forest for the trees? Maybe that’s you right now? Up to the eyeballs in trees. Hopefully, it makes you feel less alone and more supported as you move forward that we’re here with you.
There’s no such thing as the life you’re supposed to be living. No place to be or perfect ‘you’ve arrived’ moment of finality (until the end). Enjoy the ride, learn from your mistakes and have patience with yourself and what you want.
I’ve always loved the glossy pages of a magazine. Not literally, the glossy pages drive me nuts with fingerprints, but you know what I mean. Whether it was about fashion or home decor, far off adventures or food. A lot of why I wanted to be a writer when I was a child was because of magazines. Later, the ads captured my attention just as much as the stories, and it led me to university for Marketing and Advertising. Not that I ever finished that degree, but that’s another story. Haha.
As my Marie Claire was jammed into the mailbox, partially ripping the cover, again. I muttered to myself that it’s no wonder no one subscribes to magazines anymore. Which is a misdirected criticism of magazines that should be directed at the delivery service, for sure. But it got me thinking, wondering as I do.
Do they? Do you subscribe to magazines anymore?
When I restarted that forgotten Marie Claire subscription, it kick-started something in me. Since then, I added Frankie and Peppermint to my regular deliveries to make a grand total of three. As we get closer to renovating the house, more may be added to that list. But why them and not my former favourites like Vogue? It’s pretty simple. Like many magazine readers, I’m tired of the content that I ingest not being relatable. I wanted something made closer to home with stories that were relevant to me.
And so, month after month, as they arrive at my doorstep, filled with inspiration to write, to take photos and to make stuff, I smile. Because sure, I could go to their website and get a lot of the same vibes. But there is something about having that physical magazine in my hands that I love—especially the creamy, matte paper pages of modern magazines.
Ten points for being able to read with snacks. Haha.
So, I flip through the pages, soaking up the article, photos, and people and their stories. Broadening my perspective through others sharing theirs, learning to see things differently. Which has to be part of growing up and essentially staying in a small town like mine. Growing up was easy enough. But, learning to think critically and develop self-awareness and empathy for others doesn’t always come easily.
Without that widening of my interactions, it would be easy to become closed off, fixed in the ways of the people around me. Magazines (and books, too) have been a way to expand beyond what is in front of me. It could happen to you anywhere, I’m sure. Small towns cop the brunt of the stereotype. But I love my people and town, but that will never mean I have to think the same way as anyone else. That’s why I read all I can, from as many different people as I can, as often as I can. What about you?
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The Queensland floods hit the peppermint magazine offices. Please consider supporting them in this challenging time through visiting their website, sharing their content or subscribing to the magazine; head over here to get started.
Starting the year out rushing to get back to work with emails flooding my inbox wasn’t ideal. I was overwhelmed, and on the brink of panic most days, I got on with things. And when asked? Of course, I was fine. Tired, but fine. Busy, but fine. I know all about being fine.
Being fine is such a default response for so many of us—especially the busy, doing it all types who are juggling many balls in the air. I’m fine, you’re fine, we’re all FINE! Who doesn’t remember Ross Geller and his squeaky fine in that margarita fueled episode of Friends. So why do we do that?
Why do we say we’re fine when we aren’t?
Look, short version, I don’t know. Here’s hoping there’s a professional out there that can tell us all. So, I’m learning to identify the moments that I’m not fine and use my words to express that instead. To say that I’m struggling or articulate what I need. To be clear and do my best not to try to determine whether the other person is judging me and my request or not.
It’s not always possible. Sometimes that flight, fight or freeze instinct kicks in, and I’m stuck in the moment of fine. Honestly, I think women are taught to nod and smile our way through almost anything, often to our detriment. As we’ve seen lately with local and international personalities, speaking up is often met with criticism. No one wants to be the one to bring the room down or look foolish.
But the other side of that coin is that when we break through the “fine” and share what’s real, the results are empowering, engaging and can be a relief to those around us. We must acknowledge that finding the words to declare ourselves not fine is a win. It’s the work there is to do for a lot of us. To stop and consider your answer for a moment when asked.
Recently I was watching Sex and the City and as a thirty-something trying to do her best to run a business, live life and prepare for the future I found myself adding up the outfit changes and designer pieces, the apartment and meals, not to mention the taxis.
Sure, I don’t know much about living in NYC, but I know what everyone knows. Something doesn’t add up here, financially. With all this money was being spent on clothes, what happens next? With her money right where she likes it, in her closet, I couldn’t help but wonder, was Big Carrie’s retirement plan all along?
Was marrying money her only plan to take care of herself in her retirement years? And, after years of working for myself, with very little super to show for it, am I relying on the same plan? Though I’m very happy with the husband I have, so maybe the marry rich ship has sailed. Haha. But I’m talking about the STRIKE IT RICH retirement plan. The one where it doesn’t matter what I do and spend now, one day I’ll be rich (through marriage, inheritance or luck) and it will all be fine. It doesn’t exactly sound like a safe bet, does it?
Women and Superannuation in Australia, let’s talk about that.
It makes you think, right? Especially given that stats say 44% of women rely on their partner’s income as the main source of funds for retirement. (the study does not distinguish the sex of the partner). Half of all women aged 45 to 59 have $8,000 or less in their superannuation funds, compared to $31,000 for men (source articles linked below). Let’s break that down a bit.
This shortfall is due to a number of factors including providing care for children, being paid less for work they do and increased levels of working part-time and therefore being below contribution minimums. An estimated 220,000 women miss out on $125 million of superannuation contributions as they do not meet the requirement to earn $450 per month (before tax) from one employer (as many women work more than one part-time job).
I’m not an expert, by any means.
Living in the regional area that I do, with a mother who sold real estate, buying a house was one of the first things I ever did with my money. Chalk that one up to privilege in so many ways. And during my relationship with Kel, there have been times that we were able to own multiple properties at once.
Ultimately, retirement for me right now looks like paying off my house then trying to save as much as possible when I’m done. That’s not advice, but the way, I’m not in any way a professional or in a position to offer advice to you. It’s the reality of my current position. And I’m one of the lucky ones in the sense that I have a home and I’m in a position where I have the means to pay off that home.
For now anyway. What if the worst happens?
Something that women in my position, myself included, need to consider is what we would do if we lost our partner through death or divorce. Especially if that partner happens to be an income-earning male. What happens then? All the articles I read recommended getting quality advice from an accredited professional that you can trust (my brother is a financial advisor, talk about the best of both worlds).
Next is to start saving super early especially if you are able to co-contribute or increase the standard rate. This is where good advice comes in so handy, take your payslips or latest tax return and get advice on how and where you can increase your superannuation savings. Recent statistics show that the gender pay gap is currently at 17.2%, which means females only earn 83 cents for every dollar earned by males so we need to make what we have stretch longer.
And keep in mind, those statistics are based on the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS), Cat. No. 6302.0, Average Weekly Earnings – Trend data, February 2011 (released 19.05.11); there are plenty of women, including black women, women of colour and trans women who these figures are even worse for. Whenever and wherever you can safely ask for that raise, support your fellow workers to do the same and call out these inequalities when you see them.
Lastly, it’s important you choose the right fund for you, your income type and how you plan to contribute to your super. I can give you the right answer here, but again, that’s where good advice can come in. It’s also important to consider the type of places your money will be invested and whether that fits with your principles.
My final thoughts
Phew, that was a big one. This post was rolling around in my head for a while and I needed to share it. Mostly because I know that a lot of you are in the same position as me where you are working for yourself, part-time or are in the position where you are caring for others or yourself and not earning an income outside of the home. We are often overlooked in the conversations around retirement and saving money. I didn’t want this blog to be another place that happened.
So, team, I hope this gives you some food for thought and a kick in the bum if, like me, you need it. So, I’ll end this post there, but remember what my mum used to always say if you marry for money and you’ll earn every cent. We need to be standing on our own feet when it comes to the financial aspects of our lives as much, if not more, than in other areas. Financial security is the ultimate freedom, in my opinion, so let’s work together and develop that muscle together.
Some links to read about women and superannuation in Australia
When I say that I’m all about working less and living more, what does that mean to you? Books such as the 4-hour workweek springs to mind or every single clickbait online ad for making money while you sleep. And no, this isn’t some passive income post. However, I would highly recommend finding a way to leverage that in your life. There is a multitude of different things that could be coming to mind for you. But for me, it’s about buying back my time. For what, you might ask? For freedom, thanks.
It’s about working fewer actual hours to enjoy your life more (with those extra hours).
You would know that I’m a strong believer that sitting at a desk isn’t the same thing as getting work done. Or that time spent equals work produced. I’m not too fond of the hourly rate, and it’s a big reason, I guess, that my work is often billed at a project or retainer rate. It’s about doing more with less time spent on the work. Not cutting corners, but streamlining what you can finish sooner.
Producitiy and time management have become the sort of catchphrase we are exhausted with hearing about. But the appeal for me has always been how do I take these tips and turn them into an extra hour at the end of the week. Or an extra day to my weekends, perhaps. And so I use checklists and plans, drafts and templates, and I do my best to avoid distraction. Always a laughable challenge in this place. And I find that without too much effort or strain, I can do the work that I need to do in about four hours or so a day, maximum.
Because yes, in my books, working less does make you happier.
Especially if you can maintain (or increase, but I said this wasn’t about passive income, haha) your income. Who wouldn’t want that, right? Working for myself, it’s easy to schedule work at times that I know I’m most productive. Some of those hours happened a solid two hours before I even started work at previous jobs. I trust myself to wander sometimes because I know I’ll come back clearer. And the work gets done. I have space for other things. For days off to do other things or time for personal projects.
But, it’s not just for those who work for themselves. Easier, though, perhaps than having to explain your tendency to wander to a boss who expects you at your desk. I know many people who have negotiated shorter workdays or weeks on the promise of delivering what they are supposed to deliver. The work gets done, and that’s what matters, right?
If you’re interested in making a shift to your lifestyle, start there. Is there a request you could make? Could you start earlier and finish sooner if that suited you? Are you able to work from home where you know the loud music and occasional kitchen based distraction that is your ‘process’ won’t distract anyone else? Work four days instead of five, two instead of three? Longer if need be or more based on achieving what needs to be done rather than filling a seat. Come up with a plan, be prepared to be accountable for it, and ask.
Because life is too short to live for work.
Trust me; there are so many better things you could be doing with your time. Quit your job and run away from home might be a little much for you, but what would your life look like if you owned more of your free time to be free? That’s the real question, right? The best news is that the answer is anything.
On Monday, I shared a meme (I’ll drop it below) on Facebook, and it was a mood. It certainly seemed to hit a nerve with you guys too, and it’s still getting attention even now. That meme told me one thing about all of us – we’re tired. T. I. R. E. D. My plan to combat that is to encourage you to join me in a self-care weekend. That’s your challenge, should you choose to accept it and now, let’s talk about that.
Firstly, as much as I love a good book, a face mask or a bath as my form of self-care, it doesn’t have to look like that for you. Maybe you even resisted clicking on this because self-care as a term doesn’t speak to you at all. I get that. It’s another of those terms, like body positivity, that was corrupted on Instagram.
But, for me, it can mean any number of things that you do for yourself. A self-care weekend could be big or small, if they take you half an hour this morning or all Sunday to implement. It doesn’t matter, the outcome is simple. You must feel cared for, and you must do the caring. Why is that? Well, you know best what you want or need. That’s why it has to be you. speaking of which, you DO know what you want, don’t you?
For some of you, that may mean going slow and cooking your favourite meal, including something delicious to start and a decadent dessert to finish. Others may find comfort in some quiet time to plan their next move. To reflect and journal, to brainstorm some ideas and get it all down on paper.
Whatever a self-care weekend looks like for you, it is fundamental to living a life that works for us.
We humans can’t just keep going until we drop. I can’t, you can’t; none of us can. Self-care can be rest (do nothing, stare at the ceiling or nap, rest), or it can be active, but you have to listen. When you listen to yourself for a moment (in the shower, sitting on the edge of your bed or slumped on the couch), what do you really, really want? What do you need right now? And can you give that to yourself? That’s important work.
A short disclaimer here, my friend. I’ve been in the position numerous times in my life when I’ve been numb to that. Numb to what I want or need and to how to get anything for myself that I wanted. If that is you, be kind to yourself and don’t push. You don’t have to have anything figured out. I believe that ‘the numbness’ is a protection, and you can’t force your way through it. Go slow, keep asking, and find your way.
Because caring for yourself is crucial. In every big or small way that we choose to do it. Maybe you’ve been taught to put others first, and this will be uncomfortable. But, with love, it’s time to get past that. Remind yourself of all the sayings about filling your cup, applying the oxygen mask first, and happy wife, happy life, and break free.
You deserve this time to care for yourself. Are you willing to give it yourself?
I wanted to talk about goal setting and planning your life. But I didn’t want to be one of those people pushing the whole new year/new you bullshit. You should know that from the start. But I’m all about creating my life, and I want that for you guys too. No matter the time of year or your experience of where you are right now it’s a perfect time to set some personal goals for yourself, your life and go for it.
The idea for this came to me as I once again sat on the floor of our living room surrounded by mixed media paper, pens, markers and coloured pencils, scribbling ideas and notes, thoughts and doodles on the pages. Smart goal setting is something we do around here whenever the urge takes us. We sit down and plan whenever the urge takes us to dream big and lay out our hopes for the year.
So, I want you to start there.
We talked about what to do when you feel like you don’t KNOW what you want — when your dreams are small, squashed by the reality of failure. I’ve been there. Don’t get down on yourself for being vague about what you want. Read that post, chip away at that wall you built up between you and your hopes. I promise you it gets better.
But if you’re feeling a little bit jazzed about what this new year has to offer, then grab out whatever inspires you to dream. For some of you, it will be making a collage or a vision board. Others will be like me and want pages of multiple coloured lists and mindmaps. Or maybe you’re into lists (who isn’t!?). Whatever it is, grab a bit of space and empty everything of your head onto the page/whiteboard/notebook.
I highly recommend the coffee table strategy, but a dining room table works too; wherever you’re comfortable and less likely to be sucked into doing something else. And a bonus for those with kids around, I’ve found my nieces and nephews love this activity. Can’t beat them? (School holidays? I know, hang in there). Let them join you.
Of course, you can scribble and doodle your way through this (there’s no right way to enjoy goal setting), but I also included some prompts to think about as you go along;
Completing what’s happened
What am I grateful for?
What’s been my proudest accomplishment/moment?
What did I do this year that I never thought I would?
What surprised me this year? Good/bad/other.
What didn’t go to plan this year? (decade? Haha).
Am I proud of who I was when things went wrong?
Who am I?
How would you describe yourself as a person?
How would others describe you? (the ones that matter, of course).
Would you describe yourself as happy with your life? If yes, why? If not, why not?
How do I feel about my life right now? What feelings come up when you think about your current situation.
Dreaming about what’s next
What am I grateful for?
What matters to you most?
What makes you smile?
What’s important to me right now?
What do I want for myself? (This year?)
What do I want for my family?
What does my ideal day look like? How would I spend it, what would it feel like, where would I be, and who am I with?
Taking the next steps;
If I could change one thing about my life/situation/job, what would it be?
How do I feel about my life imagining it with that change implemented?
What do I need to do to make that change?
Who or what do I need to succeed?
Are there steps to take to get that one thing?
Can I take them now? If not, now, when? What do I need?
I think if you start imagining, writing, drawing, collaging with those things in mind, you’ll be in a pretty good spot. Not just to make a workable plan (let’s talk about that below) but to get excited about what’s to come. I love sitting down and first reflecting, then imagining what could be possible for me, then starting to look forward. Try it; I want to hear all about it. Email me or share it in the Confident You Facebook Group. I often use the group to talk about the newsletter as it comes out – join in.
Now, let’s start goal setting!
Now, it’s time to take those scribbles, mindmaps and lists and turn them into a workable plan. A workable plan is something that inspires you and keeps you on track. Sounds good, right? It’s pretty simple, really. We take the outcome of your last activity and narrow it down into a few focused goals. I would limit your number here. There’s always time to come back and add more when you’ve kicked these in the butt. But how do you do that?
Planning the work.
I find that within my notes, there are usually themes. Ideas and thoughts keep popping up. Maybe you want to move to a new area or house, learn something new or take up a new hobby to get you out more. Whatever it is, as you ponder the year ahead and the prompts I gave you, a few key ideas will pop up. Write those down!
These are your goals; and, funnily enough, will be the foundation for the goal setting to come. Wishes, dreams, or whatever makes you more comfortable, but I’m going to stick with goals for the sake of consistency and not doing my head in. Haha. Sticking with the house idea, I don’t want you to write down ‘MOVE HOUSE’; I want you to really get into it. Something more like “I want to move in THIS SPECIFIC area into a home with lots of natural light, good transport access and a yard for a dog”.
Trust me. The specifics will make this whole process go a little easier. Speaking of making this easier, if you head over to the blog via the link below, I have uploaded some goal setting worksheets there to help you along. The first page is a list of the prompts I gave you last week. The next will help you with this next task. From there, you can work through the pages as I direct you here. Want them now? Grab them on our RESOURCES page anytime or download the pdf goal setting worksheets here.
Whether you have one item on your list or you added something to all eight boxes, it’s time to move on. From there, we work out what you would need to do to GET that one thing. For you to HAVE it. And again, there is a sheet (two in this case) for this.
For demonstration purposes, back to the house example.
Your HOW might look like; I need to make sure my current rental/loan history is good, get two impressive references and know my budget. From there, I might search for a suitable property in the area, speaks to a local agent, loan broker or trusted advisor (etc. etc. etc. etc.). Got it? The HOW are all the things that you can do to get there and make it smooth sailing (the groundwork).
This list may grow and adapt over time. There might be things that you don’t know you don’t know about getting what you want. For example, if you had never baked a cake, you wouldn’t know how important eggs are. Or greasing the pan. These are things you find out along the way, either through mistakes or talking to experts. Add them to the list! But then, I don’t want you to stop at making a list of things to do.
After you’ve done that (or done for now) I want you to add a due date or a deadline to each of them. Be reasonable. You may want to put a week to prepare your references or find an expert. I see it time and time again. Yes, you want to be optimistic, but this isn’t about daydreams. Ground your timeframes in what is actually achievable, and you will have way more success than if you don’t. It’s like having a savings goal of $15,000 when you earn $40,000 a year; it does not compute, you know? Reality bites.
With that said, and you gave free rein to write down some ACTUAL deadlines, go for it. I want you to genuinely consider how long it will take you, goal setting in the real world, to do these things and write that down next to them.
Working the plan.
Now you take all those tasks, those milestone events, and you add them to your planner/calendar or however you manage your life. Don’t have a way to manage your life? Get one. You’re going to need it. Haha. Because none of this happens if it stays a bunch of scribbles on a page. using this time to set goals for yourself is your chance to take it from there to something that lives in your future reality.
For some of you, this is the time to get someone to hold you accountable. Someone that will hold a POSITIVE space for you to go after what you want. But I will also call you on your shit if you’re slacking. I know I work better when I have someone to check in with and have always found Kel to be my biggest champion (and butt-kicker, as required) in this.
For you, it might be a friend, a relative or even us. In theConfident You Facebook group,We will hold that space for you to achieve the goals you are setting for yourself. Whatever you need. And make sure you take me up on that offer if there’s no one else in your life to keep this space for you.
And by the way, that’s not your fault. Sometimes people can’t see where we are going, and we don’t need them to. If they love us, they’ll come around (or not). Please don’t stop your journey or get stuck where you are for someone else or their approval. That will never work out well for YOU. For them, maybe. But not for you. And now, it’s time to move forward with that plan you made. We are going to talk more about what it sometimes takes to work that plan.
That it’s not really what you want.
Are you just box-ticking? I’ve been guilty of this more than once in my life. Sometimes with big stuffand sometimes with small things. If you look at the steps towards making your dream a reality, and it doesn’t do anything for you, that’s okay. You might have gotten caught up too. Spend some more time with the coffee table prompts. Slow down, stop imaging the things you think you SHOULD want and see what shows up AFTER those things.
Missing some steps or weren’t specific enough.
If you looked at your steps, you were excited, motivated, or any version of inspired, great! But then you feel something else; this could be you. Your goal setting or plan has holes, and you’re falling right through them. Successful goal setting is about covering all the bases; take a little more time to be more thorough.
Maybe you’re someone who needs to know how things go, and you can’t see the path. I have bad news for you, friend; you have to give that KNOWING EVERYTHING thing up. It is an excuse, and it’s holding you back. Life is weird and twisted, ever-changing and surprising. You will NEVER know how it’s all going to work, happen or unfold. But trust me, that’s the exciting part too.
Or maybe you skipped through this part of planning too quickly. Are the little things on your list? Is there something that you can work towards ticking off while the large tasks take time? Give yourself more to do. In my opinion, there is nothing more motivating than giving yourself a checkmark. Find more reasons to do that, as well as steps you may have missed, and you might find yourself moving forward.
Afraid of what might happen if you get what you want.
I put this one third because if you’ve tackled the first two, maybe this is what’s going on. All kinds of things could be going on. These things don’t have to stand in your way. Not forever. Not if you’re brave enough to tackle them head-on.
People say they are scared of success (will it change them or the people and life they love?), afraid of trying and failing (maybe being in the middle isn’t so bad), fearful of looking stupid in front of family and friends (avoid at all costs!). My running commentary aside, it’s time to ask yourself now, what am I afraid of? Too direct? Try thinking about what would happen if you got everything you wanted?
Think about the people around you, your experience with them and strangers, what you have, and how that makes you feel. Is there anything in all of that imagining that makes you feel uncomfortable? Anything that when you think of it doesn’t make you LIGHT UP?
Start by looking there. I think the thing getting in your way is in there somewhere. Be patient with yourself and be kind when you uncover what there is to find. The good news if there is something there, it becomes a whole heap easier to put that CRAP to the side. And putting it to the side is the perfect place to move past it.
Worried your family won’t love you if you make more money than them? Or maybe you’re afraid your partner will leave you if you start demanding more of them? Or a million other things that are personal to you. Some of them pretty crappy.
Maybe you’re right? To be honest, some of them might be true (people can be shitty sometimes). But when it is all said and done, it’s YOU or THEM? Seriously. Are you going to let everything you want for yourself go because it might cost you someone who doesn’t support you anyway?
I know the answer to that, but you need to figure that out for yourself. Draw your line in the sand. Reclaim your dreams for yourself and do it for yourself. Nothing will empower you more to go after what you want than that.
That’s my goal setting 101 guide, phew!
Motivated to get started? Ready? Well, what are you waiting for? Get out there and start ticking things off your goal setting list. Go back to the start of these planning emails if you need to (link in the top right) and start again. That’s the best part about any plan is that you can scrap it and start again anytime. You can change your mind, direction or intention ANY OLD TIME YOU LIKE. It’s your life. It’s your story. Today, we write it.
What if I told you there is a secret to being happy? Even better, it’s something you can start doing today, won’t cost you a cent, and with some practice, will become second nature. Great! Get those switches in your head ready to be flicked because it’s as simple (and as difficult) as not comparing yourself with other people.
Which, as an adult type being, will be something you’ve heard before. It might even be disappointing to hear.
Maybe you were hoping for something not requiring effort that happens instantaneously or was just easier. Something that you haven’t heard before! Anything but stop comparing yourself to others. I get it. Me too. But this is the secret sauce. Once you master this, you’ll be unstoppable, unflappable and unprecedentedly happy!Let’s talk about how.
How do you stop comparing yourself to others? The things they have, the lives they live and the people they are.
Firstly, you start by stopping looking at people (IRL or online) that bring out the worst in you. You know what I mean, right? The ones where you immediately spiral into a longing for everything they have. Just mute them for a while. Maybe you can come back to them later, after some practice. And maybe you won’t want to.
Next, you need to take a hard look at your habits for judging or ranking other people. Most of us only find it upsetting or frustrating to compare ourselves to others and lose. But how often are you comparing your life to someone else’s to get that score? Maybe, what needs to change is how judgmental you can be, not just about your life, but the lives of others. That’s judging and comparing.
How do you get over the ‘you’ve been weighed, measured and came up lacking’ feeling?
I remember that I am the type of person who cheers for other people to win. So, celebrate that. If your first reaction is a twinge of jealousy or a pang of envy, change it up and send love. And love can be in whatever form you like; excitement, gratitude, appreciation or joy. Celebrate that the things you want exist out there, and people have them. I find that can be a great way to assure myself that my time is coming.
While you remember things, remind yourself that sure she may have what you want, but that doesn’t make it any less possible. Something I had to face while we were trying to conceive many, many moons ago was that just because other people fell pregnant didn’t mean they were taking our turn. Maybe you’re in the same boat?
No matter what I initially felt, I would remind myself that there was no allotment of pregnancies to be filled. They would not just get to a number and be done, at which point you miss out. Not that I believe anyway. So, instead, refer back to the previous point and see it as proof that what you want is possible and be grateful for that.
But most of all, you practice.
Identify your triggers; what are the things that make you feel like your life sucks? For some, it will be Instagram scrolling or digging through a former classmate’s Facebook page. Maybe it’s movies and tv, magazines or other media. Where and when are you finding yourself in the action of comparison most? Social media will be a massive trigger for many of us, and being aware of that is important. Knowing when you’re shifting from feeling good to feeling bad is the first sign. Look for it. Seek it out. The more you know, right?
Then, and maybe finally, you move your attention away from thoughts of comparison, judgement and have-nots and on to what you do have. Focus, as the old saying goes, on your own grass. Or was it lane? Either way. Anytime I find myself feeling bad about the things I have or where I am in my life compared to someone else, I switch to gratitude. Practice it over and over again. When you feel it coming, change what you’re doing to thinking and move on.
What about you? How do you stop yourself from comparing yourself to others? (that was a lot of yourself for one sentence – haha). Is there a trigger that you recognise that you find best to avoid, or is it a practice of shifting your thoughts on to something else? Let me know in the comments; I think we could benefit from having as many strategies as possible.
In our house, Sunday is always used to set up our week for the big wins. Implementing these Sunday habits for a productive week has changed how we relax and recharge on the weekends and how easily our week unfolds. It’s something we’ve done for a long time now and it works for us. You can read more about how and why we started our productive Sundays in a previous post on the blog.
This post isn’t about living that hustle life. Nope, don’t even start with me on that one. This is about creating a life that you love, so if what you want for yourself is a slow Sunday with a long sleep in and Netflix on the couch, I’m here for that. This post is for anyone who wants to use Sunday to set themselves up for the week ahead. We’ve found that by shifting our routine a little, adding a few new habits, our week runs so much smoother. Want that for yourself? Let’s get into it.
13 Sunday habits for a productive week
1. Try not to sleep in; try getting out of bed whenever you wake naturally. Hop up, grab your breakfast or your morning beverage of choice and check a few things off your list. I use this hour or two to go to my desk and enjoy the quiet of the morning there. Not that different from my usual routine to be honest.
2. Skip the drinks on Saturday night. It sounds simple, but waking with a hangover, no matter the size, will make Sunday way less productive and set you back for the week.
3. Catch up on the chores around the house. Booorrrring, right? But it helps to start the week with a fresh environment. Start with something simple like clearing the kitchen or doing the washing. Clear the decks; it’ll be worth it.
4. Do some meal prep; whether that means actually cooking some meals in advance or just coming up with a plan and ordering click and collect groceries.
5. Take the time to review your calendar/to-do list for the week. Make updates and changes as needed and lay it all out in a planner or bullet journal, to-do list or online calendar. Whatever works for you! Add notes or reminders now for the week ahead.
6. Open up your space and let some fresh air in. Whether you have a room, apartment or house, it doesn’t hurt to throw open the windows and doors and let the house breathe. This is a great way to start the day and a simple task to do when you first wake up before you’ve had your coffee.
7. Nap, if you’re feeling worn out or drained from the week. Another option, if day time sleeping doesn’t work for you, is to head to bed earlier than usual (no phone, team).
8. Have you considered outfit planning? If you find yourself without a lot of time in the morning, take some time out to plan your outfits for the week. Hang the outfit together on hangers so they are easy to access.
9. Practice some self-care. Sunday is the perfect day to do little multi-tasking by applying a face or hair mask while you do other things. And yes, self-care is more than a face mask but it can be a simple way to reconnect with yourself.
10. Connect with the people you love in a way that recharges you. I say that because for some of you that will be meeting up or something in person. For others, it will be sending a message or making a phone call. Whatever works for you, this is the perfect day to embrace doing things in a way that works for you.
11. This leads me to, it is okay to say no to invitations that don’t work for you. Yes, even if it’s to do nothing. Yes, even if you have nothing else planned. Protect your time, you have every right to do whatever you want to do on your weekend (or time off). This is an excellent habit to develop and bring into every single day of your life.
12. Have some fun, rest or downtime. I put this close to the end of the list because it’s important with all the little tasks and suggestions adding up it can be easy to forget to use the time for what it is (for those having a standard week).
13. Bonus points if your fun/rest/downtime activity includes getting some exercise or low-impact movement. In the same way that we opened all the windows to let some air in, we’re going to take advantage of getting the blood flowing.
We all know that we should measure ourselves before online shopping. But it’s a pain in the butt. But like a bandaid, rip it off quickly and get it over with. This is my basic guide to how to measure yourself for online shopping. After all, I’m pretty into online clothes shopping because going to “the shops” is a no for me. Sometimes it can be a little hit and miss, and mostly that comes down to not measuring myself correctly.
I mean, once I ordered three full sizes larger than I am.
It went that badly. But as time passed, I got better at measuring myself and thought I should share my tips with you. Measuring yourself is tricky, and if you have someone on hand that can help, awesome. You’re reading how to measure yourself, so finding someone else to help probably isn’t an option. But if it is, some of these measurements are easier to get with an extra pair of hands.
Another general tip for measuring yourself is that most retailers suggest that it’s best to measure over your undergarments for more accurate results. Plus, keep in mind that you should always hold the measuring tape level and firm but not tight. If you measure yourself, it can help to position yourself in front of a full-length mirror so you can assess if the tape is level or not.
The big three of how to measure yourself; bust, hips and waist.
Bust – The most accurate bust measurement is achieved by measuring under your arms and over your bust. If holding the tape is tricky, it can be easier to tie a piece of string around you and then measure the string on a flat surface. This is one of the measurements that if you can get someone to do this for you while you hold your arms out to the side-even better!
Waist – Measure around your natural waistline. A way I do this, as someone without a huge variance in waist/hip measurements, is loosely hold the tape under your bust and let it fall. It will land at the start of your hips. You can see, too, that I’m really long in the torso, so normal suggestions for locating the waist place it way higher than it naturally occurs. You might be the same, or maybe you’re normal (lol).
Hip – Measure around the fullest part of your hips, usually about 20cm down from your waistline. If you’ve got a larger belly sitting or hanging a little lower, make sure you include it in the measurements. Realistically, if it’s going to fit inside of that area of the clothing, include it.
There are some great resources online with video content, including this one, if you are still a little stuck on where and how to measure yourself. This is meant to be a speedy and easy guide to getting the measurements yourself. What about you; do you have any suggestions on how to make this easier? Let us know in the comments.
A lot of traffic comes to the blog for a post about where to buy plus-size clothes for teenagers. Teenage girls, predominately, with a couple of stores thrown in that would work for the guys too. The search terms got me thinking about my adolescent self and what I would say to her as an adult; if she’d listen to me. Not just about body image and hanging in there through what was to come, but about growing up. About ‘making it and the harmful effect that distant goal had. I’d want to talk to her about finding her way, happiness, and opening up.
It’s been over 20 years since I finished high school, so the memories fade. They dull a little at the edges, and the concerns I know I had. It’s easier to see those thoughts as silly or something I would get the better of. But I’d want her to know that they’re valid, and she was right not to trust them. I’d like her to know that being different and always a little outside the group isn’t something to be ashamed of. To be different, even when she struggles against it, is a gift. I’d love for her to see that sooner before she started to pull back and hide.
I’d want my teenage self to know that following good feelings isn’t as selfish as others told her it was. That being teenager is the best time to try stuff on for size and see what fits. Read the books alone in your room or the sunshine surrounded by water. Climb that hill, ride that bike and test your limits. Please do it now, don’t be scared of what others will think of you; try to put that aside. Now is a perfect time; I try to remind myself of that same thing. Stretch and grow, listen to your body and shut out the opinions of others. Stop covering your mouth when you laugh.
I’d wish her to know that her faith in herself isn’t misplaced. Yes, she’s already old for her time, but that will feel less like a gap to be closed over time. But, please, girl, stop believing that you have to be serious, ticking those boxes, to be a good daughter and a success in this life. It’s not true. Yes, drive and dogged determination brought you some fantastic experiences and things in life; a husband, first business and home. But it’s not the only way to get those things. And I hope you will learn to find patience, to stop forcing yourself and those around you forward.
And finally, there is one last thing to say to you, my teenage self. And I would be grateful if you could listen carefully to me now, friend. Time will pass, and the years will go by as fast as anyone ever told you they would. But there’s plenty of space to live your life in the moments and days to come. You have the freedom to grow, change, fail, and start again. Time hasn’t run out on me yet. So, trust yourself when that little voice says it needs more time to go slow or to look before you leap. But don’t wait too long, either. Don’t be afraid to take a risk. Your family have always had your back. A small group of friends too. Trust them, but mostly, trust yourself.
That’s what I’d tell my teenage self; what would YOU tell yours if you got the chance?
