A lot of traffic comes to the blog for a post about where to buy plus-size clothes for teenagers. Teenage girls, predominately, with a couple of stores thrown in that would work for the guys too. The search terms got me thinking about my adolescent self and what I would say to her as an adult; if she’d listen to me. Not just about body image and hanging in there through what was to come, but about growing up. About ‘making it and the harmful effect that distant goal had. I’d want to talk to her about finding her way, happiness, and opening up.

It’s been over 20 years since I finished high school, so the memories fade. They dull a little at the edges, and the concerns I know I had. It’s easier to see those thoughts as silly or something I would get the better of. But I’d want her to know that they’re valid, and she was right not to trust them. I’d like her to know that being different and always a little outside the group isn’t something to be ashamed of. To be different, even when she struggles against it, is a gift. I’d love for her to see that sooner before she started to pull back and hide.

I’d want my teenage self to know that following good feelings isn’t as selfish as others told her it was. That being teenager is the best time to try stuff on for size and see what fits. Read the books alone in your room or the sunshine surrounded by water. Climb that hill, ride that bike and test your limits. Please do it now, don’t be scared of what others will think of you; try to put that aside. Now is a perfect time; I try to remind myself of that same thing. Stretch and grow, listen to your body and shut out the opinions of others. Stop covering your mouth when you laugh.

I’d wish her to know that her faith in herself isn’t misplaced. Yes, she’s already old for her time, but that will feel less like a gap to be closed over time. But, please, girl, stop believing that you have to be serious, ticking those boxes, to be a good daughter and a success in this life. It’s not true. Yes, drive and dogged determination brought you some fantastic experiences and things in life; a husband, first business and home. But it’s not the only way to get those things. And I hope you will learn to find patience, to stop forcing yourself and those around you forward.

And finally, there is one last thing to say to you, my teenage self. And I would be grateful if you could listen carefully to me now, friend. Time will pass, and the years will go by as fast as anyone ever told you they would. But there’s plenty of space to live your life in the moments and days to come. You have the freedom to grow, change, fail, and start again. Time hasn’t run out on me yet. So, trust yourself when that little voice says it needs more time to go slow or to look before you leap. But don’t wait too long, either. Don’t be afraid to take a risk. Your family have always had your back. A small group of friends too. Trust them, but mostly, trust yourself.

That’s what I’d tell my teenage self; what would YOU tell yours if you got the chance?

Melissa Walker Horn

Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.