What if I told you there is a secret to being happy? Even better, it’s something you can start doing today, won’t cost you a cent, and with some practice, will become second nature. Great! Get those switches in your head ready to be flicked because it’s as simple (and as difficult) as not comparing yourself with other people. 

Which, as an adult type being, will be something you’ve heard before. It might even be disappointing to hear.

Maybe you were hoping for something not requiring effort that happens instantaneously or was just easier. Something that you haven’t heard before! Anything but stop comparing yourself to others. I get it. Me too. But this is the secret sauce. Once you master this, you’ll be unstoppable, unflappable and unprecedentedly happy! Let’s talk about how.

 

How do you stop comparing yourself to others? The things they have, the lives they live and the people they are. 

 

Firstly, you start by stopping looking at people (IRL or online) that bring out the worst in you. You know what I mean, right? The ones where you immediately spiral into a longing for everything they have. Just mute them for a while. Maybe you can come back to them later, after some practice. And maybe you won’t want to. 

Next, you need to take a hard look at your habits for judging or ranking other people. Most of us only find it upsetting or frustrating to compare ourselves to others and lose. But how often are you comparing your life to someone else’s to get that score? Maybe, what needs to change is how judgmental you can be, not just about your life, but the lives of others. That’s judging and comparing.

 

How do you get over the ‘you’ve been weighed, measured and came up lacking’ feeling? 

 

I remember that I am the type of person who cheers for other people to win. So, celebrate that. If your first reaction is a twinge of jealousy or a pang of envy, change it up and send love. And love can be in whatever form you like; excitement, gratitude, appreciation or joy. Celebrate that the things you want exist out there, and people have them. I find that can be a great way to assure myself that my time is coming. 

While you remember things, remind yourself that sure she may have what you want, but that doesn’t make it any less possible. Something I had to face while we were trying to conceive many, many moons ago was that just because other people fell pregnant didn’t mean they were taking our turn. Maybe you’re in the same boat? 

No matter what I initially felt, I would remind myself that there was no allotment of pregnancies to be filled. They would not just get to a number and be done, at which point you miss out. Not that I believe anyway. So, instead, refer back to the previous point and see it as proof that what you want is possible and be grateful for that. 

 

But most of all, you practice.

 

Identify your triggers; what are the things that make you feel like your life sucks? For some, it will be Instagram scrolling or digging through a former classmate’s Facebook page. Maybe it’s movies and tv, magazines or other media. Where and when are you finding yourself in the action of comparison most? Social media will be a massive trigger for many of us, and being aware of that is important. Knowing when you’re shifting from feeling good to feeling bad is the first sign. Look for it. Seek it out. The more you know, right?

Then, and maybe finally, you move your attention away from thoughts of comparison, judgement and have-nots and on to what you do have. Focus, as the old saying goes, on your own grass. Or was it lane? Either way. Anytime I find myself feeling bad about the things I have or where I am in my life compared to someone else, I switch to gratitude. Practice it over and over again. When you feel it coming, change what you’re doing to thinking and move on.

What about you? How do you stop yourself from comparing yourself to others? (that was a lot of yourself for one sentence – haha). Is there a trigger that you recognise that you find best to avoid, or is it a practice of shifting your thoughts on to something else? Let me know in the comments; I think we could benefit from having as many strategies as possible.

 

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Photo by Billie on Unsplash