This one is easy, as far as choosing one thing every day to be grateful for, because today is Kelvin and my 16th wedding anniversary. Go, team. It feels like so long ago that we first met, and yet, not simultaneously.
There we were, just a couple of kids with no idea. The night you casually dropped by our house sticks in my mind, even now. Even if we can’t remember the year or the date or anything helpful. The heat of the day had finally burned off, and the evening, or perhaps my skin in response to the loss of heat, felt cool. But the drinks were cold, and the casual gathering on the front veranda started gathering steam.
So, with a pack of Angel cards at the ready, I declared it time. Time for each of those assembled to take turns drawing cards. The focus was simple; we were young and broke. Tell us our futures! The circle drew closer, and one by one, everyone selected their cards. I started, then shuffled and allowed the next person to draw. Repeating over and over around the circle until it was your turn.
You selected the same three cards from the pack that I had despite numerous shuffles and people in between. We laughed it off. But you and I would continue to draw variations of the same cards, matching each other at every step, the entire night. They were my cards, and even I didn’t believe when they indicated that our futures would be entwined from that point on. I mean, one of my cousin’s friends who slept until noon in bright red novelty boxer shorts? I don’t think so.
But those angel cards weren’t wrong. After almost two decades together, sixteen years of which we’ve been lucky enough to be married, here we are. Entwined. With a home, a couple of businesses and a veggie garden that now grows more flowers than veggies. Adventures and quiet nights in, long chats and text messages that read like a meme sharing page with requests for milk or takeout at regular intervals. A whole, full, bursting at the seams with gratitude life.
As each year passes I find even more things to love about you. And a couple more things that drive me crazy. I’ve never met anyone as generous as you; you’ll always find a way to help out if you can. No one has made me laugh as hard as you do. Sometimes not deliberately. Your love of mixing patterns, though rarely on purpose, never fails to make me smile. It’s a weird and wonderful time being your wife and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love you lots, Kel. Here is to many more years together, quietly living this life we’ve created for ourselves.
Today we’ve been married for 12 years and in a relationship for 14. So wow! Happy 12th wedding anniversary to my husband-type-person. I really am blessed to share this life with such a generous, kind, warm man. To celebrate this momentous occasion, let’s take a look at the things I’ve learned about relationships. Even though I’m not an expert, the fact that we got here after the last year, well, I must be doing something right. Probably.
We’ll see, shall we? *wiggles eyebrows*
I often write about the funny things that happen in my relationship. Less often now, but it used to be a significant factor in the blog; Sharing the silly or the annoying things Kel does. And there is always plenty. That’s sharing a life and house with someone, right?
Then, sometimes I’d break character and share something sweet, like the way he always kisses me goodbye in the mornings even if I’m asleep. Or when he slept on a mattress on the floor at the foot of the bed while I was sick. Or the time he surprised me with a new knife because I was complaining about the old ones. And, you know, a million stories just like those. I was thinking about it the other day. Thinking that the teasing, the fun, sweetness and laughter that we tend to share online, it doesn’t cover off one essential thing.
Relationships are hard work.
I wasn’t a girl who dreamed of her future husband or wedding. I didn’t plan for children and a household to manage. So nothing surprised me more than falling in love and wanting to marry. As time went on the shock of actually wanting to commit my life to someone wore off, and I settled into the relationship.
Over time, we found a balance and would constantly look for ways to make it work. I cannot imagine that I am an easy person to be married to. And by “cannot imagine I am”, I mean I’m not. I don’t think anyone is. We laughed, cried, fought and spent those horrible times silent when no one would say a thing. I came to realise that this marriage was for life which was a brain bender in itself. I was talking to a friend, telling her that Hubby and I had been married for ten years next year (old story, obvs) and that it was AGES. Such a long time. Soooo long. Ages. She just laughed at me and said ‘honey, you’ve got a long way to go yet’. And it hit me. I do. A long time.
A long, long, long time. God-willing.
Looking that permanence in the eye and deciding that I could continue to be pissy about the pantry door always being left open, or I could be happy. It was time for me to choose. And some days, let me tell you, I don’t choose happy. That cupboard door thing drives me INSANE. Haha. I’ve found that to be married successfully you have to be all in. Open and free with communicating the good and bad and never have one foot out the door. So, a cupboard door can’t be a deal breaker, right? You can’t let it be.
I’m great at relationships that ebb and flow and rise and fall. Ones I can ‘escape’ from. I like space to do my own thing and be on my own without involving them. That’s how I have always made friendships, relationships with my family and colleagues work.
But, I’ve found that you can’t do that in marriage and have any success long-term. You can’t just lock yourself off for extended blocks of time. We are heading very quickly towards me being married for half of my entire life. Not just half of my adult life, MY WHOLE LIFE. Mind blowing. For me, as the years go on, one thing becomes more and more necessary even as I dedicate time to physically and emotionally be ‘with’ Kel.
Being myself!
My point is that when you’re with someone for a while, you have to keep checking in and making sure that YOU are still there. Do you still have interests and relationships aside from your partner? Do you have a hobby or interest that is all yours? My Mum taught me that. Be your own person, have your interests and continue to come back to your partner with new ideas, inspiration and excitement. She’s a wise one, that woman, and not too shabby at this marriage thing after 40 years.
Kel and I have found a good balance when it comes to this. We certainly aren’t the couple that spends all our time together. That works for some people. You know who you are. I think that it’s the finding of what works for you that is the most important. For me, there has been no winning formula that I have been told or shown as an example that perfectly works for us. We found a way that works for us and that my friends, is what it is all about.
Otherwise, it’s a long, long, long, LONG time to be trying to make something fit into an idea you have of marriage. And in my experience, those who are having ‘the perfect’ marriage, with ‘the formula and lots of lines in the sand are the people who find themselves in situations where they can’t forgive the small things. They can’t look at their partner as a whole person with flaws and faults and will one day have that bite them on the butt.
Don’t be that person.
Find your way. YOUR WAY. Work together, keep your feet firmly planted in your relationship and don’t sweat the small stuff (spoiler: It’s all small stuff). Most of all find a way to be married that works for you both and have fun creating a relationship just like that. Do it with lots of love. And sex, always lots of sex. *wink wink*
And now, because it’s Sunday and Sunday is VIDEO DAY, below is 20’ish Questions with Mr Suger to celebrate. Enjoy. If you can give the video a thumbs up, please do so! And if you’re into the YouTube thing, make sure you subscribe. I’ve got a bonus video coming this week that you’re not going to want to miss. How are you going with the videos? The mail opening one is almost at 100 views! Which considering we are like two weeks in, I’m taking as a win. Go team.
Today is THE day that Mr Suger and I celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. This man that I get to share my life with is someone special, let me tell you. But this isn’t about that. Not really. It’s about what I’ve learnt so far about marriage and relationships and life. And I know that it’s something you guys are interested in, so I thought I’d take this chance and share it with you.
I’ve learnt that you have to keep talking. Even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to. You need to talk about silly things, about your day and when there feels like nothing left to say. Be in a conversation because, in the end, that’s what relationships are, a life shared.
I’ve learnt that you have to keep laughing. Oh boy, do I know this to be true? When I look at Kel, and he’s managed to get himself in some kind of compromising position, or tries hard to be funny, or shows me yet another meme he found on Facebook, I know that that laughter matters more than any argument we could have about his socks being under the couch. The fun, the joy of it, that’s what the good times are all about.
I’ve learnt that you need to be together. You need to have each other’s back and never waiver from that. My father said to me early in my relationship that we need to be on the same team. Even if it meant, we had to ‘discuss’ matters in private, but we needed to be a united front. Because support and loyalty mean a lot. Especially when the alternative is little digs and undermining side comments.
I’ve learnt that there’s no such thing as too much love. I think if you’re in love you should hold hands, snuggle, make out. I think if you want to lay in bed all day or watch Netflix on the couch curled into a ball, you should. And for me, the queen of anxiety, I think that if the way you feels overwhelms you sometimes, you need to go with it. Embrace the love and all the possibilities that come with it. Even if that means one day you may be hurt, or alone or broken. Especially because of that, you need to embrace the hugeness of love.
I’ve learnt that life doesn’t go as planned. For us, that meant our original plans for children being thwarted, then set aside. It meant selling up to pay a tax bill. It was business success and failure. It involved a honeymoon 10 years after the wedding. Life, it loves to laugh in the face of your plans so you might as well roll with it. Find the exciting, fun, joyous, madness in it and let everything else go. Plan to throw the plan out the window. That’s what I actually learnt.
And before I go, let me tell you about this one day, a few years ago now, that I was having a conversation with a friend’s mother. We were discussing marriage, my plans at that point to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and I said ’10 years is SOOOOO long’. Taking in the look on my face, she laughed and said, you’ve got a long way to go yet, lovely. I stood there. I stared at her, mouth open. I frowned. I furrowed my brow.
Holy shit.
She was right.
Like a loooooooong way to go yet.
And on days like today, when we are going to be surrounded by my family to celebrate my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary, I know we can make it. God willing. This man, this silly, gorgeous, supportive, strong, kind, generous, open man; He makes me so happy. He’s made my life.
Well, it was only a matter of time, the dude came and took over my blog. People love Mr Suger, Kel is super popular with the ladies. Especially the blog ladies when they find out he can wield a camera and isn’t afraid of a parking lot outfit change. Maybe I should hire him out as a blog husband? This post is probably the next best thing! Haha.
And yes, I let him spend some of the sponsored post fee on fishing equipment. Sort of. Or I will. Maybe.
So the team sent the man of the hour two adorable outfits, perfect for his casual, laid back style. This man and polos got way back. There is one polo based outfit and one open shirt for that whole, I’m so casual I didn’t even button up my shirt vibe. Which, wait until you see it, Mr Suger pulls off like no one’s business.
Because it wouldn’t be a Team Suger photo-blog without silliness.
The thing about Johnny Bigg is that it caters to a market of men similar to the women that read this blog. Maybe you’ve got a brother, a friend or a partner who could benefit from some super stylish, yet classic, mens wear that starts at an XL and goes from there. And there’s a tall section, Mr Suger doesn’t need tall, the short ass. HA. Though in his defense, it’s probably comparably. I am pretty tall.
And don’t think it’s just about casual clothes, that’s just Mr Suger’s thing, nope. The brand stocks suits as well, tailored shirts, dress pants, shoes, all the things. The whole deal. So whatever the man in your life needs, they can probably help. And that’s the point right? We want our plus sized man friends to have the same access to awesome clothes that more and more we have access to. So share the love. Here’s outfit two from Mr Suger. Poser.
Since we are enjoying checking out the blog husband types, check out Mr Wait Until The Sunset, Benjamin in this killer post they also produced for the brand. What can I say, the urge to be blog stars is strong in these boys. Thank goodness for that. Have a great weekend team. Until then, let’s dance!
