Sponsored by bride.com.au
When bride.com.au approached me about doing a post for them, I thought maybe they had missed the boat. My wedding was over 8 years ago now, after all. You know, before Pinterest. I’m not really in the market for wedding dresses and bridal type items. But then I was like, hold on; I know LOTS of brides. Friends, family and friends of friends… I can go all Aunty Suger on this and offer advice from an ancient bride to a soon-to-be one. I said yes, and here we are.
Five tips for brides-to-be so you don’t lose your freaking mind.
Go easy on people. Your wedding is super important, top of the list, the most amazing thing in the world, for you. Not everyone is going to feel the same way. Sure they’ll be excited to come to celebrate and see what the bride is wearing, but that’s about as far as it goes. Some of the biggest arguments to come out of planning our wedding were I can’t believe you forgot/you don’t care/put in some effort argument. It’s horrible, and later {for the most part} you’ll feel like a fool for making such a big about it.
Don’t be upset if friends can’t remember the exact date of your wedding three years out or how many bridesmaids you’re having… Think of weddings you have attended in the past, did that stuff matter to you? Until the week or two before, it probably didn’t matter that much at all to them. That’s not about you and how much they love you. It’s about life, being busy, and people having other stuff going on.
Have a clear idea of what you want to spend and what YOU ARE spending. It’s time to get your best spreadsheet skills out. Weddings can add up. You add some gift bags here and there, flowers for sprinkling, confetti {or rice, whatevs} and bit by bit, it adds up. To this day, I am still terrified to work out what we spent on our wedding. Many things will pop up along the way that you will think you can’t live without. For future reference, that’s probably not true. Stay calm and stick to your budget.
Budgeting is important, and so it is staying on track. Try a notebook to scribble down amounts or staple invoices/receipts in to. It might just help you decide between the five-tier buttercream wedding cake or the slightly more modest version. Did I tell you we forget to serve our guests the wedding cake? We totally did. Hello, three tiers of caramel & white chocolate mud-cake just for us. Winning.
It’s never going to be perfect, so stop freaking out. There is plenty of wedding dresses magazine’s out there with lots of perfectly styled, wonderfully weddings. And yes, they are fun to look at and pinch details from. But what you don’t see if the hungover groomsman in the car {Hi John!} or the paper bag lanterns catching on fire {that totally happened to me}, amongst other things. The reality is that when it comes down to it, there is no perfect wedding, but you may find it was perfect for you.
You’ll probably cry, laugh until you snort, tell someone off or all of the above during the wedding planning process. Yes, thanks for asking; you have become Bridezilla. We all say it’s not going to happen to us. But for me, my moment came when I sat on my parents’ kitchen bench in floods of tears, complaining they weren’t interested enough in MY BIG DAY. Or actually, maybe it was when the florist told me they could get white cabbage roses, but they had lots of carnations on the Thursday before my wedding, and I SCREAMED at her.
Whatever it is, chances are if you are planning the wedding yourself, paying for at least some of it, have an idea of what you want that is pretty specific, or people around you with their own lives, you will crack it at least once. Other people will nod and smile and say you were fine. But they are lying. Wait until 5 years down the track when it becomes the butt of family jokes. Then you know.
My advice on this part is to get that you may be a bit unreasonable sometimes. Try not to give yourself too much rope. The last thing you want is a lifelong bust-up with your bestie over bridesmaid dresses. It’s not worth it. Take a deep breath, do something to de-stress and check the attitude lady. You know, if you can.
And finally, don’t listen to former brides when they give advice. If it makes you feel bad, question things you love or make you feel like they are competing with you. There are many people with a lot of input out there, so choose when to listen and when to ignore. This day is about you and your partner, celebrating your love, the commitment you’re making and inviting the people in your life to share in that. Keep that top of mind, and you’ll be fine.
So there you go, folks—my top tips for surviving wedding planning if you are anything like me. Sure some people cruise through effortlessly, but I haven’t met them. Some make it look easier than others. I personally chose the champagne route and was in a sparkly bubble haze most of the time. It’s tricky business, be kind to yourself, the people around you and try to have SOME fun. It’ll be over in a moment, and you’ll be wishing you could have your time again.
Got any tips for our future brides? Put your Ask Suger hat on and share them below. Or better yet, share your wedding disaster story. They are THE BEST.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Almost 13 years ago now, the year of the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre, the overseas honeymoon went out the window, but the wedding – simple, beautiful, us, and under $10K. Listen to advice for ideas, so much advice comes your way, have a budget and stick to it and realise that that while things may go wrong its okay. Our photographer double booked herself and while she handled it and got us someone else we were not exactly happy with the photos, but we have some great shots. Would I do a few things differently now – probably, but I wouldn’t trade the last 12 years in for anything. Great article melissa. 🙂
I had the cheapest, least stressful wedding ever. $200, local courthouse, april fools day. Done 🙂
LOVE IT. I especially love that it was April Fools Day. That’s the best.
Timely advice. I’m getting married at the end of the year and while most things are booked in and planned, I still find myself panicking thinking that there is still a million things to do!
Still – very much looking forward to the day!
I’m glad! Enjoy your wedding, the planning too if you can. I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward to it. So you should be. It’s so much fun if you can find a way to relax.
Nice pics.
Just go with the flow and don’t go in debt. Remember it is your wedding and not everybody else’s. Everybody has an opinion on how to do things. Always remember that they are like butts, everybody has one and they all stink. Do what is best for you and your spouse.
Also, do not worry about people’s feelings. They will get over themselves.
I remember for my first wedding, my (now-ex) wife went bat-shit on me because I told her she couldn’t invite every relative she had in existence. I told her that she hadn’t talk to this person in the last 18 months then they should not be invited. Her step-dad got really pissed with me. I told him that since he wasn’t paying a dime for it, I am not running a soup kitchen for his family on that day. Everything her family wanted I said no unless they wanted to put in some cash. I was not to go in debt for her family to have a party/reunion and eat and drink on my dime. I know that sounds crass or whatever, but I did not want to have bills for years because of it.
Thank you. It was a gorgeous day.
Don’t go into debt is SUCH great advice. We used savings to pay for the portion of our wedding that we paid for {I was lucky to have parents in a position to contribute}. I can understand your frustration with you now ex-in-laws. The 18 month rule is a good one too.
Well one way not to turn into Bridezilla is to be organizing a move overseas, selling your house, garage sale, moving from Brisbane to Melbourne, a Christening, oh and did I mention organizing the entire wedding online and over the phone from Qld only to arrive in Melbourne, leave my bouquet in the car (the flowers were a gift from my Mum) and have the best damm wedding ever!!
We had a blast, a karaoke and the reception organizer said I was the most relaxed bride they’d ever had. It was one of the best days of my life, my husband looked incredible, we danced all night and he even sang me a song….who said he wasn’t romantic.
We kept the budget tight, had around 60 guests, no professional photographer, and everyone got up to sing! I’ll never forget it xx
My advice, your wedding is just the start not the be all and end all…..it really is just the start xxx
enjoy x
Ahhh I love your wedding/moving/christening story, it’s my favourite ever. A dream wedding in my eyes. Family, food, dancing karaoke and lots of fun. Such a win. Such a beautiful memory to have. I was always so disappointed to have stressed myself out so much I was over my wedding before it had even started. I won’t make that mistake again. Vegas renewal, here we come! And maybe an Italian honeymoon. 😉
Love the wedding pics!
My man proposed to me nearly a year ago now and we haven’t even started planning… lack of money, needing a place to live and finally getting a job have taken precedence. Even now we have less than $500 in our wedding savings account 🙁
How do I even? Haha. Aw well, we’ll get married in a few years when we have the money 😛
Thank you. Our photographer was a gem. Good luck saving hun! I know you’ll get there and have a beautiful wedding. Low cost hopefully so it can happen sooner rather than later. 😉
It is so true that you have to be true to yourself as a couple with weddings. I go to so many that are just so clearly a celebration of what the bride wanted and the poor groom is just there for the ride.
When planning my wedding it was really helpful to keep in mind what you said about bridal magazines – that they ARE styled, and even wedding blogs that showcase “real” weddings are highly selective in what they show you. Everything is pretty and lovely on the surface, but underneath you don’t see the last-minute panic about the lost ring/bouquet/buttonhole!
And really, some brides do need to question what they do actually NEED to include. The wedding industry is very good at suggest THINGS THAT ARE PRETTY AND WONDERFUL that are entirely frivolous!
It really is. Hubby wasn’t overly involved in the planning of our wedding but I think we both got a little caught up in what we thought we were SUPPOSED to be doing, you know? Never mind, we are planning to renew our vows in Vegas in 2015 for our 10th wedding anniversary and believe you me, Hubby has plenty of ideas for that.
I just can´t get over the cuteness of that first pic!
We were like 12, what can I say. Haha.