I added this prompt to the Hashtag Plus Blogger challenge myself. I’d been watching some YouTube {yeah, I know, same old same old} and came across a movie by Casey Neistat titled ‘Do What You Can’t’. Watch it if you haven’t seen it and have no idea what I’m on about. I knew it would be an interesting prompt. A prompt open to all kinds of interpretation. Outfits you ‘can’t’ wear. People who told us we can’t. Anything that has ever stood in your way.
So, here we are.
For my post this week, it’s a little of all of them. My outfit is very much one people have told me I shouldn’t be wearing. One that ‘requires’ shapewear. One that I should reconsider. For a moment after I saw the photos I thought maybe I should too. Too round in the stomach. Heck, too round everywhere. Maybe if I reconsidered the neckline or the fit of the skirt, or something to turn me into a sucked in sausage person, I could. But, I probably can’t.
But I’m wiser than that now. I’d say smarter, but it’s not that kind of wise. I’ve been in the trenches of being at war with my body, with allowing others to be at war with it, and I’m done. As I enter conversations with women, like I did in Melbourne this past week, I hear the same thing time and time again. Oh, I can’t. Not, I don’t want to or I’m choosing not to. No. They say, I can’t. Like there is a force out there making them.
But is there?
When you hear the voice that says you can’t, who is that!? It’s not the law, in Australia at least, there is very little restrictions on what you can and can’t wear. Sure, it could be magazines or style blogs. But meh, who listens to those people anyway. Maybe it’s the voice of your mother or grandmother, installing their idea of what it is to be appropriate so you can be safe. Maybe that voice, after it is all said and done. Or maybe it’s just you.
Did you set the rules based on something that happened once? Something you heard or the way somebody treated you. I get that. Seriously. I get that in so many ways. Hear me when I say I’ve been there. You heard me share above, and some of you might very well have agreed with it, but that voice isn’t the boss of you. That voice isn’t the one in charge and you can stop blaming it on you can’t.
Don’t want to? That’s different.
Saying you can’t. That makes it someone else’s problem. Someone else’s decision. It takes the power of who you are {and what you’re wearing, as the case may be} right out of your hands and dumps it in someone else’s lap. And that, my friends, is no way to live. Change your language and stop handing over your power to other people. Because sure, maybe you can’t, but most of the time I put to you, it’s you that’s getting in your way.
Wearing Boohoo Duster Jacket, Atmos + Here Skirt and ASOS Tank and City Chic heels {similar}. Sorry guys, most are from my wardrobe or sold out.
Link your post or photo below!
Thanks for playing along, team. I can’t wait to hear your take on ‘You Can’t’. Are you giving us some rules to play by or breaking them? Challenging someone who told you ‘you can’t or praising someone who was the voice that said you could. I want to hear all about it. See you on your blog soon!
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Love your work Melissa! Thanks for joining the Lovin’ Life Linky! Hope to see you every week. Thanks for being such an inspiration to so many of us when it comes to fashion and finding our own style groove.
Thank you, Leanne. I was excited to track down some link ups and I can’t wait to keep participating. I appreciate the generous welcome. Thank you. xo
You look fabulous! You always do! I love your confidence and take such inspiration from it. Have loved seeing you here at LovinLife too! Do come back and visit us again Melissa! 🙂 #TeamLovinLife
Thank you! That’s so generous and lovely to hear. And I’m happy to be here. I’ve made a note of the link up and I’ll be back! It’s nice to be doing the rounds of a link up, to be honest! I’ve had the best time. 😊
I love the outfit. I think that people should where what they want to wear and feel comfortable in – I just wish it was a lesson I could learn myself as I am crap at it!
Thank you! Me too, of course. Haha. And I get that, the opinion of others is a hard thing to dismiss sometimes. I mean, they basically train us from birth to do what we’re told. So, well, it makes sense.
Lovely seeing you on Lovin’ Life this week, Melissa.
SSG xxx
Thank you! I’m trying to get out more. Walk the walk of blog community rather than just talk the talk complaining it has changed. 😉
I think you look great and you always do. I find it interesting that I can look at others and think they look good but when I see myself I only focus on the negatives. However… I’m slowly working on that.
I’m keen to go to something fancy sometime soon. I’m not sure what. Perhaps a cocktail thing or a ball and I’ve seen two dresses I could wear. One is a City Chic red thing I saw on their Instagram feed – kinda flouncy, with a frill. The other is a Leina Broughton black wrap dress and my first thought was… I’d need to wear shapewear. I own a pair of cycle pant things which I wear to stop my thighs chaffing under the new dresses I’ve bought this year (I now own THREE Adrift dresses, and three dresses full stop!). But I rarely wear anything that ‘sits’ on my body and never wear anything that shows my cleavage. The LB dress would do both. Eek. But I kinda feel like I’m ready!
You are SO ready. I know it in my gut. You’re going to wear and love that wrap dress, I can tell. Because I see you in the way that you see me, differently. Outside of the lens of critic and non-stop commentary. Wear the shapewear or don’t, it really is a preference thing, just know you can.
The LB one is the ‘Diana’ dress. Though I like the Nina in the floral as well. Not hugely cocktail / ball-like but practical longer term.
Oooo, sounds perfect. I haven’t had a simple, but special occasion black wrap dress in ages. Might have to get onto that. Thanks for the tip, lady.
I like that analogy for can’t vs don’t want to…and hate rules. Hate hate hate them. As an aside, you look great. It’s like age appropriate. Don’t get me started! #TeamLovinLife
Thank you. It’s exactly like that, ugh, all these rules, who decides this stuff!? Gosh.
I think can’t is a “polite” cover people tell themselves to “don’t want to”. Maybe it’s a stepping stone for some? Hmm.
I think it is. But in the interests of clarity, I think we need to acknowledge that, even if just for ourselves, we don’t want to.
You look ace! I for one am very guilty of the “I can’t” mantra, it’s almost subliminal. But now I’ve read this post, I feel so Obama, next time I’m shopping, I’ll think “yes, I can.”
Thanks, Sam! Aren’t we all. Those messages we’re trained to hear. Time to kick it to the curb, for sure, next stop yes we can!
First of all, why WOULDN’T you wear that? You look fantastic!! That’s what I love about this prompt, aside from it’s whole rule breaking theme (which let’s face it, is right up my alley haha) is that I bet you all those who are joining in are looking around at what other’s have posted and thinking ‘They look great, I don’t get it!?’ and THAT is exactly the point! We are often our own worst critics and what we look at upon ourselves as ‘flawed’ others see as fabulous! I think there is a real lesson in that, for myself included.
Naaw, thanks Sheri. And you’re so right, you’ve hit the nail on the head for why this prompt is SO important. It’s seeing, first hand, that ‘they’ lied. They made up some rules and somehow convinced people to follow them. WE CAN. 100%