There was a quote card shared yesterday that for once in my life I was like, errrr NO. Sure on the surface it seems fine, sometimes there are miscommunications and errors in translations that cause issues. Maybe it’s not worth worrying about those things. Maybe what I say shouldn’t matter to you. But should your understanding matter to me?
I vote yes.
It is my job as a COMMUNICATOR to make sure you get where I’m coming from, picking up what I’m putting down and all that jargon type stuff. Sure if you’re a mouthpiece unconcerned for your message in the world THIS is the quote for you. But I think you should care. You should care lots. Because why say anything at all if you are unconcerned by what it sounds like to other people.
Hanging in there with me?
You have no real control over what another person hears when you say something, how they interrupt it is a reflection of them and their experiences. Yes, absolutely. But you should care and exercise concern that your message is being heard. Don’t you think? Checking in to see if you’re on the same page with people, communicating the things that matter takes something.
If I say something that hurts your feelings, I want to know.
If I say something that occurs to you as judgemental or critical, I want to know.
If I say something you hate, I want to know.
Etc etc etc.
I want to know. I want to know because it matters to me if I am communicating with your effectively. It matters to me that what I am saying has been understood or at least comprehended in the way it was intended. That matters to me and I think it should matter to you too. So many upsets are caused by miscommunications perhaps we all need to take a little more care.
Yes? No? What say you? Am I responsible for what you hear when I say something?
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
I saw that quote pop up on my FB feed quite a few times – and I have to say I completely agree with you!
It’s the ONLY in it, isn’t it? That’s what bugs me most now I’ve had more time to think it over. Haha. Thanks Naomi.
Yep! That one little word makes all the difference!
As is often the case.
Couldn’t agree with you more. Intent is not always clear, especially in written mediums. But I think that quote is written for/by someone with a closed mindset, someone who really doesn’t care what messages they are sending.
It was the ONLY in it that stuck with me. Really, your ONLY responsibility is what comes out of your mouth? Naaaah.
It is always a two-way street. People listen with different filters on.
Some people have never learned to listen. I work with a bunch like that. They know everything and then ask questions about what you have just gone over.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Something that I believe. I try to listen to understand and in this world that gets me in trouble.
I love that Stephen R. Covey quote! LOVE IT. It reminds me when I start to concoct a reply to someone speaking in my head before they are finished speaking to stop. To listen. To stop filtering it through my own ideas of me too. The me too drives me batty. Great addition to the post Pat. 🙂
Could not agree with you more. Communication is a two way street….
Two way street, for sure.
I agree, to a point you are responsible for conveying your message correctly and not saying things out of malice or outright ignorance. If someone disagrees with your perspective and you have done all you can to convey your message clearly to them, then that is fine. We aren’t all going to view things the same and we all come from different backgrounds. But causing offense and then shrugging it off as the other persons fault for their reaction is just stupid.
Yes. This comment is the more concise way of saying what this post was rambling on about. Haha. Nice one. 😉
I know that in the past I have struggled with how I have been received by others and I have had to learn that it isn’t up to me to please everyone, that sometimes the best I can do is stay true to myself while accepting someone having a differing opinion isn’t a reflection of my failures.
I think that you’ve read way too much into a short quote. It doesn’t say ‘I don’t care what others think’, it says that they can’t take responsibility if what they say is misunderstood. I care but I refuse to feel bad whenever someone takes things the way that they weren’t intended and nor should you. People need to think about how something is going to come across before they say it but, if not over-analysed, this quote is ‘spot on’ and funnily enough, I think that you’ve misunderstood it
I loved this conversation on Facebook last night. Horse to water and all that.
But if the speaker uses the “it’s just a joke” justification for bigoted speech, then all bets are off and the speaker is responsible for any acts of reactive violence against them issued by the listener.
Ha! Yes well, there IS that too.
I think this works both ways – it’s your responsibility to be as clear as possible with what you’re trying to say, but it’s my responsibility as the listener to be open to your message, ask for clarification if I don’t understand, and let you know my response to what you’ve said (or what I understand you to have said) in a way that is constructive. Otherwise it’s not really a good line of communication – it’s more than one person saying something, it’s creating a dialogue between two (or more) parties. Something you happen to do very well!
Like I said to Nadine on fb last night, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink right? I guess I took exception to ‘I’m ONLY responsible’. We all need to be responsible with what we say and how it’s heard.