Random things like birth order. The number of nieces I have versus the number of nephews. The amount on either side. Often I keep looking until I can find a symmetry. I’m sure that’s some sort of disorder but it helps to make things make sense for me. I like patterns. I like numbers. I like lining things up. I know it’s odd because when I share my WOW moment with others they give me a look like, oh that’s lovely, and move on. And I want to throw a parade.

That feels like a big revelation, like an insight into the depths of my mental health or something. Or not. Maybe it’s just a weird little tick. Who knows. All I know is that as I went to send my second message for the morning to someone who I’d seen a pattern for I realised I needed to tell SOMEONE. And you guys are my someone. So thanks for that.

You know what else there is to say? How nervous, excited, bored, hopeful and sick in the stomach I am about the workbook release. The crazy part is {like I said to a friend this morning} I know you like the content. It’s already been unleashed on the public. I just hope you like it, find it valuable and all that in its NEW form. That makes me nervous. I am however sick to death of looking at it. Writing about it. Using the word budget. Looking at my own face on the cover. That may have been a mistake. Haha.

The boredom is what tells me it’s time. Time for it to be launched into the world. And soon, I hope {for the subscribers at least} it will be. The official release date is the 1st of November. Which is today a week away. So there’s not too much time for worrying about how it will be received. And by it, I mean me, of course because that is what the concern really is. That people won’t like me. That I will have failed. That I will put myself out there and find that I was faking it this whole time and have now been revealed as the loser I truly am.

Ahhh that little jerk that resides in my head is having a field day today. Funny how that happens. I remember writing the Confident You series and every single post dragging up some feeling of inadequacy in me. I had to face every lessons learned again. Choose to be confident again. It’s like that. I feel exposed. Especially since I didn’t keep my whole hipster if it works it works, if it doesn’t it doesn’t, I don’t care façade up very well. Hipster fail. Hand back your tortoise-shell glasses. You see I care. I care very much.

Being out on a limb, weird patterns, eBooks and all is the best place for me to be. It reminds me, I’m alive.

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