In a conversation with Samara for the podcast the other day, I shared that I’ve been feeling a little off. Not sick (for once! That’s Mr Suger’s job this week) but off balance, out of whack and a little wobby. We talked about it for almost an hour, I’ll make sure I share the episode when it’s done. For me, there’s an impact to who I am when I feel like that.
Feeling a little off, it makes it hard to share yourself.
I can’t be myself when I don’t feel myself. Do you get that? I’m sure you do, you guys are always so good with getting this kind of thing. For months I’ve been feeling a little out of my depth with the new things I’m learning and challenges I’ve been tackling. I’ve been stretching myself and that is always difficult.
Even after all these years blogging, I didn’t know how to process that in a way I could articulate. Isn’t it strange how the things we SHOULD say gets lost when we need to say them the most? That’s always been the case for me. The words, usually so abundant, disappear and I’m quiet.
I know that turning inwards don’t serve me. Sure, in my head, I know that. But my gut, well, it was a little bit behind. It forgets that when this sense of overwhelming anxiety kicks in, that I need to reach out. Turning inwards makes me feel alone, on the edge and entirely left to my own devices. So, that conversation it broke the dam. I found the words I wanted to say in that chat and now here.
I found the words to say, find the words.
Then, I opened a package from a friend and found something to wear. After that I found an afternoon free, a schedule cleared, to wear it in. I’m finding my feet again. Maybe because the stretching is becoming easier. Or maybe because I found the words to share that struggle with my body and my self. It felt good.
Sometimes you just have to pull on a cute AF dress, some ankle boots (just like old times) and eat some sushi. Without a plan or a concern other than did you bring enough cash to pay the bill. Which is a genuine concern if you have ever hit up a by the plate sushi place with the always hungry Mr Suger. Even a post-flu version.
Life’s good, team. I have to find the time to remember that sometimes.
cue dress pics
Wearing 17 Sundays Geo Print Shift Dress and City Chic Boots
And that my friend, is where I’m going to leave this one. It’s getting late and this girl is determined not to get sick (like the Mr) so I have to get to bed. I hope you’re doing okay out there. I hope you’re well. I wonder about you on the other side of that screen sometimes. As weird as that sounds. Look after yourself. Drink your green juice, yeah? Haha.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.