Look, I kind of want to say dump them, but I won’t. Not yet, maybe later. If your partner doesn’t like your clothing choices it can be tricky to navigate. Everyone wants to be attractive and getting approval from the person who loves you is always nice. But what happens when they don’t ‘get it’?
That’s what I want to chat about. It’s something that comes up in questions and conversations often enough. Heck, just this week Kel told me my dress looked like a sack and I should consider a belt. I don’t know why or where it came from, but apparently, he’s Anna Wintour all of a sudden. Haha. But in the end, he knew and I knew, it was none of his business.
Sometimes he weighs in.
And, sorry Kel, but I rarely listen.
He has never really weighed in on my appearance. Not my body, my style, my hair… None of it. There have been times I’ve asked for his opinion and genuinely wanted an answer (perhaps this is where this newfound confidence to weigh-in comes from, haha). But other than that, he does him and I do me; together. It’s gone a long way towards how comfortable I am in my own style. He saw it all, from peasant skirts and peplum to sporty sneakers and pencil skirts.
As you find your style, there are going to be people who get on board with it. They will support you and cheer you on. Then, there are people who are one hundred per cent NOT going to be on board with it. Maybe it’s different to how they saw you, from what they like or it’s a big change from what you were doing before. Change is hard for some people, that’s their thing.
But what if that person is your partner? How do you navigate that when you’re learning what you like for yourself? First of all friends, no one has a right to tell you what to wear. Ever. Let’s get that out of the way; EVER. You should stop listening. Altogether. It’ not about them and, there is no requirement for you to dress to please them. Learn what you like first, make it about you. That’s an okay thing for you to do, you know?
Starting by doing this one thing; stop asking people for their opinion.
Seriously, are you insane? Unless you are actively asking them to lie to you (and what good will that do?) then what is the point of you doing that? You are looking to them to validate you and your appearance. It happens, we are all bred with some level of wanting approval from others. Hello, I’m the firstborn, I’ve got it in spades.
But when the feedback from the outset was that they weren’t into it, you won’t win. You can’t. It’s either false praise (and you’re going to know it is) or it’s not what you want to hear. It’s a big ask, but you have to stop looking outside of yourself for the approval of others. Stop asking if they like your dress, your shoes, your hair and find other ways to have them validate you. Make them buy you presents and tell you you’re pretty. That would be cool
And if all else fails, head over to Man Repeller; an entire blog started on the idea that sometimes, dudes just don’t get fashion but we wear it anyway. Sounds like fun, right? It is. It’s the best, easily one of my favourite blogs turned media businesses ever. Practice your rebellion with the team! And in the end, when you’re faced with criticism from a loved one, there’s only one thing to do.
Check-in with yourself, what do you want? Do that.
There is, in the end, something else to say about this. If your partner is controlling what you wear, making selections for you and only ‘allowing’ certain items they approve of then you’ve got a problem. Maybe they withhold money from a joint account so you can’t buy them, pout when you choose things they don’t like or simply demand your compliance. That is controlling, manipulative behaviour and you need to look closer at that, maybe with a professional if it feels like it’s getting worse. And most importantly, if you are in a situation you would like assistance to get out of, please go to this link and see what they can do for you (Australia). They have an ‘escape’ page option so that it’s there if you need it too.
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Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
So on point! It think it has to go both ways too. Unless your partner is asking for advice, don’t give it.
It really does! I realised I was super critical of Kel’s clothing choices when he literally wouldn’t get dressed until I chose something for him… I mean, he’s a grown man. That must’ve been SO frustrating.
I’ve found the best way to get away with buying more clothes is to make sure I pick stuff I know the hubster will love (leather jackets, denim, anything that shows off my ahem… assets)! I do like it if he likes what I’m wearing too, but as long as *I* love it, that’s the main things. Sometimes guys just really don’t get fashion!
Haha. Play to the crowd, huh? In the end, I think as long as they make YOU happy to wear them, making your life easier is a good plan. A nice compromise, which let’s face it, is what relationships are. But agreed, sometimes they don’t get it. It’s not for them, so that’s okay.