I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I have the best family in the world. We work hard to get along, hang out together and try our best to get over upsets quickly so it doesn’t drag out. It’s great. I grew up with extended family around me, cousins coming out my ears and I loved it. I find my centre when I have my family nearby. No one makes me laugh harder, shout louder or care more.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I have the best family in the world. We work hard to get along, hang out together and try our best to get over upsets quickly so it doesn’t drag out. It’s great. I grew up with extended family around me, cousins coming out my ears and I loved it. I find my centre when I have my family nearby. No one makes me laugh harder, shout louder or care more.
This thought occurred to me as I sat, smiling across the trampoline yesterday afternoon at my Hubby. My brother and his wife on my left. Their daughter in his lap. My sister, her partner and child on my right. My Dad pushing my other nephew on the swing. Life’s good. Family matters. More than any passing concern. There is very little that my parents or siblings could do that would make me give moments like that up for long.
And it reminds me that I want that for myself. Something I had started to shrug off and declare old news. I want to be a part of that as the next generation grows and comes together. I want my piece in the puzzle there on that trampoline. I used to want three or fours kids, did you know that? These days I’d take one happily. I used to think boys would be the best. Now you won’t see me being choosy about something so insignificant as the sex of a baby.
I’m proud to say that trying {and failing} to have a baby have made me a better person. I think you have no choice actually. When you have to find grace in the worst of circumstances and you do, then you are forever changed by that. When you stare desperate loss in the face and find a way to smile gently, you’ll never step back into old habits and demands no matter how hard you try.
Do I think you can learn these lessons other ways? Yes. Sure. Of course. But I wonder sometimes if I would have. Stubborn and often selfish I think it takes something to shift you. Something big. Something like being born into a family of prolific breeders and being a total fail at it yourself. Who would have thought we would still be here trying. Still in love. Still surrounded by family. Still doing the same things expecting different results.
Not me. That’s for sure. I was always pretty darn good at getting what I wanted.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Hi Suger,
I realise that I’m probably the last “type” of person you’d like to hear from…I have five beautiful boys who spend most of their time trying to send us crazy! But…it saddens me to read the longing in your words…
…if things don’t work out as you’d ideally like, please don’t underestimate the importance of the couple who can love all of our children. Your nephews and nieces (and close friend’s kids) will actively search out such loving arms when their own parents stresses are blinding them to their children’s needs. You will be the person they choose to discuss their hearts desires with because of the unique, loving relationship you share…and, quite frankly…what a funkalicious Auntie to have!
Btw…what a revelation your blog has been! I’m a relative newbie to the plus size blog movement! Thank you!!!!
Oh Ruth, all comments as lovely as yours are always welcome. Five boys or not. Though if you ever offer to give me one {and not mean it} then I’ll kick you in the shins. Virtually. HAHA. Don’t be sad, I long but my life is full of wonderful things.
I love being an Aunt. It’s such a special, fulfilling role. It’s the best. I think sometimes that maybe, just maybe I could be happy as Aunty Suger with no kids of my own. It gave me an insight into the world being okay without our own kids. I’m still not willing to let go of the idea just yet {maybe for a while} but I can see me being okay if it never did happen for us. You know, probably.
I’m glad! Welcome Ruth. Welcome. x
I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to go through that. Fingers and toes crossed for you.
At least you and your man have each other and are very much in love 🙂
I have that, indeed, a life filled with blessings. Thank goodness for that. Thanks Sam. x
Not that I am IN ANY WAY able/qualified/whatever to speak on this subject, but I’ve noticed in a few stories from others (and the odd biography) that when people have had trouble having kids, it’s always after they’ve been through hell and given up on the idea that it happens. It seems like such a strange timing thing.
Don’t you sometimes wish we don’t have to go through hell to become stronger people?
xox
Indeed, it would be easier if there was a textbook to be like read this and be strong, awesome and totally well adjusted. Someone should write that book. No baptism of fire and pain needed. 😉 It’s like Rach says below, there’s really no rhyme or reason to it all. Sometimes I think it’s just sheer dumb luck. Nuts.
I feel like I’m at the beginning of your journey, staring into my future and knowing that whatever I do (different or the same) isn’t going to work and it scares me. I know though that One thing won’t change and that is the love that I share with Daniel. It breaks my heart to watch you going through this Suger because there are so many people out there like you and I that I know going through the same thing. Much love! xoxo
There are just as many happy tales, promise. Not everyone makes it this far down the road without success. Good luck to you lady. Enjoy that man of yours, have a big life and when it happens for you it happens. x
I have my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you lady, too many fabulous women I know are in the same boat as you, and I just think its not fair!
Heres hoping that this dream comes true for you and that 20 years in the future that there are some fantastic adults out there who were lucky enough to have been born into your & your hubbies family, and are chuffed, pleased and proud to call you MUM.
In the meantime, Miss poink has it right – Aunty is also a bloodty fabulous title and I am sure that you ROCK at it!
xxK
Thank you KP. It’s a tough boat, but one you can’t feel alone in unfortunately. Unfair infeed. I promise to do my very best not to screw up any future children of ours but you never know, I could be so darn happy they are here I spoil them rotten and turn them into a nightmare! HA. And yes, Aunty Lissa is a ROCK STAR. Let me tell you.
I could not wish for a baby for a more deserving woman. When you become a mother you really will be the most kick ass mum. In the meantime you keep rocking your fantastic Aunty status, but I hope a baby is closer in your future than you expect xx
Thank you Miss Pink. I appreciate that. And I figure sooner or later all this wishing and hoping on our behalf has to turn into some form of magic.
“Not me. That’s for sure. I was always pretty darn good at getting what I wanted.”
And that’s the kicker – it truly is out of your hands. You can do this treatment, that treatment, eat the right food, exercise your heart out, wear boxers [hubby not you! Well unless you want to ;-)!], take this supplement and that one but I truly believe that pregnancy comes down to sheer damn luck. Some of us have it in spades – be it naturally or with some help of the medical/science kind and some of us don’t. You hear stories of people trying everything and nothing and then out of the blue, it works and yet nothing was done differently – it’s just a change of luck; in fact I know of another blogger right now who is living this, she’s nearing on 20 weeks pregnant and has been at it for as long as Guv & I and this time *poof* it just worked!
Aside from how much you love your family and vice versa and how blessed you are to have such a great relationship with your family, what really stands out in this post, is this:-
“Who would have thought we would still be here trying. Still in love.”
SO.MUCH.THIS. Jackpot. So many couples don’t survive the journey and I think the ones who do, whether they end up with the “prize” at the end or not, are the truly lucky ones x
Even if your arms are never filled Suger [which you know I hope they are], your heart will always be overflowing with the most fulfilling and craved commodity, love.
xx
Thank you for this Rach. It really is the kicker. The kick in the guts kicker. Life, I thought I had it all figured out. Haha. I appreciate the kind words of spport my friend. I am a lucky girl indeed.