Easily the most prominent catchphrase of the last two years that I’ve been working to establish my business. It has taken every minute of spare time, even time I didn’t have to spare. And the rest of it was spent crashing out because my brain, eyes and body was tired.
The open house policy closed, the gym membership got cancelled and all of a sudden I was seeing people a couple of times a year. I had isolated myself in a way that everything in my life felt like it hinged on eat, sleep, work, repeat. Nothing more than a basic survival mode focused on getting shit done.
And life, well, it keeps on happening around you whether you participate or not.
My parents, siblings and cousins do what they do best; have extraordinary lives. The kids are older, and part of me feels like I’ve been missing it. That childhood, right? So fleeting in the scheme of things. Friends have started new phases of their lives with new challenges and new paths; things just keep happening.
It happened for me too. My relationship developed and deepened in a way I didn’t expect it too after so many years. Our house is our home, for all the things still on the list to be done, it’s ours now. No doubt about it. I even managed to spend more time sitting than standing and sleeping combined. Time keeps on rolling by.
And business, the central theme of all things, has never been better. For once I’m not afraid of what that will mean for me. I’m seriously considering a team and bringing on more people. Which is something that I’ve stayed away from since the pancake cafe days. The responsibility of it. But it feels like time.
I’ve started creating a vision of what all that looks like moving forward. Things are good.
Except that I’m on edge. Taking the time to do what I know to do to care for my health both physical and mental hasn’t happened. My greatest fear is that one day, it will break. It’s been over a decade since my last serious episode, and I fear it making a return. And it could because this is how it happens for me.
For me, there are triggers for being mentally unwell. Not that any one of them is a signal that it’s happening, nor that when avoided I’m guaranteed health. They’re signs. Pain points that when I stray from the path, tend to mean I’m putting myself at risk. One of them is being physically unwell; the other is being ‘tired’. Red flags that I know better than to ignore and have been.
This post isn’t about saying oh man, I did it again. I got busy and I forgot to take care of myself. There are plenty of posts like that on this blog. I’ve had a decade of trying too hard and not caring enough about myself. This post is here because I decided that in order for me to be sharing tools to live a balanced, successful and prosperous life with you, I had to come clean that I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not even sure having it all figured out is possible.
But for now, all I know is that I have to get out more.
What’s YOUR one thing you know to do to keep the balance in your life?
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.