Sometimes when I talk about the things I’ve learned or the mistakes I’ve made, people rush to my aid. They tell me that it’s not that bad, that I’M not that bad. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys for that. Your generosity with me knows no bounds. But because of that, I wanted to clarify something and hopefully offer you a new way of processing things that move you forward.

I’m not being critical of myself, I’m self-aware.

When I talk about this stuff, it’s not to beat myself up. Or to show you all how crap at life I can be. I’m trying to be self-aware and share the lessons I learn from that. Removing judgement of myself and my actions long before it gets published. What does that mean? I try to look at it/me objectively, remove the emotions and state it as what is so.

Take the Instagram example from yesterday. I had to get over being embarrassed and ashamed of not succeeding in order to see clearly what caused that failure. Separating myself from my wins and losses to view them more as things. Things that live over there, not attached to my very being. Then, without making it part of who I am or adding a whole bunch of weight to it, I state it as something that is just so.

The sky is blue.

The grass is green. 

I fucked that thing up. 

Simple. 

Being able to talk about the ways I’m not perfect enables me to reach out to you. If I was constantly cutting myself the slack you give me, there wouldn’t be ANY lessons learned. Because self-awareness is the reward. The reward for being willing to take a long look at yourself. To get to know what you are, and what you are not. By being aware of myself, my behaviour and how I operate, I can progress. From there, I start to build on my strengths and bypass my weaknesses. I learn my habits and quirks; what works for me and what doesn’t.

And so can you.

But you can’t skip over the part where you address how you FEEL about things. It’s not practising self-awareness when you’re just there beating yourself up about something. That’s the being critical part. Maybe a little more like self-pity too. For some of you, this might come easily; for others not so much. But it’s a practice and over time you will develop the ability to work through these things that aren’t working quickly and get to the core lesson. You’ll get to know yourself and in that awareness is power and strength. Works for me, I know it’ll work for you.

Melissa Walker Horn

Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.