I can still remember the first time I heard the saying “failure is an event not a person”. Deep in conversation about the mistakes I had made in my life, brow furrowed and jaw set hard with disappointment, I wondered if I’d heard it right. Failure is an event. The thing that happened to me, not something I am. Whoa.
There might have been tears. I was a bit of a cryer then. I cried because I was emotionally strung out; Exhausted and in need of some loving care. The type of care and kindness you can only give yourself. I needed a break from the barrage of negative words in my own head. The love of my husband and my family could hardly break through anymore.
But somehow those words did. Failure is an event.
Do you know the disappointment of having your dreams dashed? I do. Did you feel it so hard in your chest that you thought the weight of it might crush you, push you to your knees, breathless in the way only grief can make you breathless. But you don’t grieve death in the traditional sense, you grieve a life lost. Yours. The one you planned. You’re a failure. A big one.
But you see you’re wrong. I was wrong; broken heart scattered on the floor and everything. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I wasn’t a failure. I had failed. Not being a failure gives you room to breathe again. Having encountered a failure, well that sounds manageable.
It sounds like semantics. I know, I hear you. But believe me your heart and soul are listening to those semantics. Try waking every day with the words YOU are a failure and giving anything another shot. There will be no room to navigate around that. You, the failure, won’t let you move past it. It’s something you know to be true about yourself now. You. The failure. The failure named Melissa.
Take some time today if you have been through a failure event to reframe the way you are thinking about it. Think of it like a town you drive through on your way to where you are going. Fall in love with the road trip and the unexpected bumps along the way. Admire that you are still here beyond that time you failed. On your knees sure. Maybe even on the floor, but still here. That makes failure separate to you. Failure is an event, not a person. You cannot be failure. You just visited there once. And my friends, it’s time to keep on driving.
Get the hell out of dodge. Breathe again. It’s going to be ok.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
I fricken LOVE this post. There is an old AA saying that goes FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Thinking of yourself as a failure is that false evidence appearing real. The reality of it is that something just didn’t work out. So you either decide to try again in a different way or change the goal posts (woah, hey there mixed metaphors! :P) There is another AA saying that also says FEAR stands for Fuck Everything And Run. So there’s always that, you know, just in case 😉
Thank you Sheri. And SUCH a great addition to the post with this comment. Fuck everything and run is stellar advice, some of the best. 😀
Going to blog in response to your post. You really know how to flip a point of view upside down for the better. Your blogging mojo is definitely back.
Thank you. It feels like it to me too. Phew! Haha. Oh, please be sure to come back and share the post with us. I look forward to it.
Sharing the post & very chuffed you commented. xx
http://mummymanifesto.com/www1/?p=4447
Haha. Thank you. I’m glad. x
Thanks for this. An opportunity has come up for me to apply for a job I’ve always dreamed of. Instead of jumping at the opportunity, I feel paralyzed with fear. The fear of failing to get it! I’ve realised that I need to just go for it. If I don’t get it, it doesn’t mean I am a failure. It just means it’s something that’s happened to me. It’s good to be reminded! Thanks for helping me to breath again!
You’re so welcome. There’s nothing worse than not going for something incase you fail. You’re done anyway, right? Good luck with the application, I hope you nail it. Either way you win, because you were in action.
Pinned. Love this post. It absolutely hits home on what I’ve been through this past year. Thank you for sharing xxx
Thank you Justine. Here’s to some awesome coming your way this year. x
Great article Suger, there are so many articles out there about following your dreams, but not many about what happens after your dreams fall through. My little business closed down this year and at the time I most definitely felt like a failure; Not just a failure, but a failure with no future, not a nice place to be in. Thankyou xo
Thank you Caitlin. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. Sometimes these falls are the flip side of really going after the life you dreamed of. Don’t stop dreaming, one day your wounds will be healed and I hope you’ll be back on those feet chasing down what you want again. xo