Brace yourself folks for a random post about thoughts I sometimes have. It’s bound to be an interesting ride, as usual, into the depths of my thinking about things…

Here is the thing. I love being alone. But the prospect of waking up one morning and being alone in the world is something I have nightmares about. Relief would only come when I awoke in a lather of panicked sweat. Alone alone is a scary prospect. All alone with no sounds of a bustling world, just me and the silence. Very Castaway but without the beach.

Years later I sat watching “I Am Legend” uncomfortably as I watched my fears come to life in a darkened cinema from an uncomfortable chair. I watched as he yearned for people, to have someone, anyone, to talk to, and I realised that was me too. I recognised myself in that movie, and the fear deepened a little.

Let’s face it, just like the character in the movie I probably could have gone years before I reached that point too. Because as much as I fear being all alone in the world, I like alone time. Loooove it. Love love it. I like to be alone with my thoughts and hobbies. I love to spend time with myself.

I’m a loner. That’s what I am.

A people loving introvert who would rather be alone that in a crowd. It’s well-known around these parts that I regard people for a while before I decide if I like them. I use the backing of my rather large extended family as a buffer to developing other relationships. My life is full of people; I’m not overly interested in adding more. Yet, the idea of having no one, being entirely alone, gives me chills.

Now isn’t that interesting? Maybe just to me but I wonder about such things, you know. I assume it’s strange to be a people loving introvert with some sort of end of the world, last woman standing type fear. That makes me a bit of an oddball, I think.

Anyone want to be my end of the world buddy? It’s one thing I refuse to do on my own.

Melissa Walker Horn

Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.