One of my old posts popped into my ‘related articles widget’ today while I was replying to some comments. A post titled Smile Though Your Heart Is Breaking and of course I had to click-through to see what THAT was about. It was about Christmas, our second childless Christmas {which feels like a billion years ago now} and the heartbreak of running to my car to cry my eyes out. About grief and how it hits you hard sometimes.

One of the comments said “I love how you write sometimes” and referred to the honest, gritty posts. I appreciate the kind words about my ability to share these things and it made me think that perhaps the other stuff, the other writings and rambling aren’t in the same category. Is that a bad thing?Maybe it is. In blog world. Maybe guts sell.

Guts on the page, that is, not guts over your jeans that’s a hard sell. Haha. Truuuuust me.

I feel exposed sometimes. I feel like sharing who I am really gives people the upper hand over me. That they feel the right to comment on and judge me because of what I choose to share. It reaches down into the recesses of who I am, who I hope to be and it strips it bare. I do it without thinking and then it’s out there and I question the desire that drove me to share such a thing. Where does that come from?

For me it comes from owning who I am. Sharing it with as many people as possible so that I hold the upper hand. Taking back control of who I say I am, who you see me as and acknowledging that sometimes I am ridiculous, crazy and dark. And that it is all okay. I hope to speak to that person out there who does/thinks the same thing and wishes their life away hoping for things to be different. That they weren’t that way.

Is it actually the exposure of our darkest moments, our human’ness that people are drawn to or is it those things that draw out the best of our abilities and make it something better to read. Something that reaches out to people and says ME TOO. Meeeee too. You are not alone, I do that too. I feel that too. We are connected in that moment and that makes us all feel together.

Which is it folks? A train wreck of guts on the page or a trigger to write bigger better things. Vote now. 

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