I can’t really share a full photo of what I’ll be wearing Valentine’s Day here. The whole make sure I’m wearing clothes on the internet personal rule forbids such things. Haha. But I’m okay with that. It’s meant to be a surprise anyway. A little hot pink something something from the City Chic lingerie line has that side of things in the bag. So now what, right?

Last year I wore this for a dinner date with Hubby. The lace skirt and layered heart necklaces was a romantical win. I’m not feeling overly romantic this year {and people who have to look me in the eye after reading this, maybe look away now! Haha} I’m feeling sexy if I’m honest. Recent developments in my relationship have led to all kinds of wonderful things. Lots of them. And so I don’t want cute. I want HOT. Writing that, declaring it and feeling it, well that’s a whole can of worms for some out there I’m sure. And I’m not stopping there.

Lately I’ve been considering sexuality and the messages sent to girls. Don’t want sex, certainly don’t take the lead in such things and whatever you do make sure you keep your man on a short leash in terms of frequency. It’s ridiculous the things we are taught as women about sex and our bodies. It’s a way, I think, of attempting to keep us out of trouble in our teens {or in our ‘place’ perhaps} when decision-making isn’t all that crash hot but the side effects linger.

To be a woman, of whatever age, and feel like you aren’t in charge of your body and sexual experience is dangerous. If not you, who? That’s the real question. I’m a big encourager of teens when it comes to sex. Not that they DO IT but that they be aware, ask the questions they need to and get genuine answers. Sex is an amazing thing and too often it gets minimised into this battle of the sexes.

It is okay to have and enjoy sex. You should trust the person you are having it with to take care of you. There should be open communication. Communication is the only way to lead yourself past the most rudimentary sex. Feel the power and the strength of your body doing what it does and enjoy that. I think that’s important. All of it when it comes to being empowered about sex and the sex life you have.

If you are in a sexual relationship and you feel obligated or disinterested then we need to talk! A-SAP. I know interest in such things peaks and troughs but if it’s ongoing and you’re not being satisfied in your relationship then it’s time to ask some questions. Maybe start with that short list above. You, as a woman of whatever shape, size, age or orientation, are allowed to have, instigate, enjoy and talk about sex. You are. They lied. Big surprise. 

So what was I wearing this Valentine’s Day? Well here’s a little sneak peek but the rest is between me and my hubby. Sorry folks.

plus size city chic underwear-1 plus size city chic underwear-2

Underwear from City Chic

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  • HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!! This looks great on you babe, I hope you and Mr Suger had a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

    Great post, by the way. I think that sex should be talked about more!

    xo

    • Thank you Meagan. We had my sister and her family over for dinner and celebrated Saturday on our own instead. A great weekend.

  • YES! It often feels like sex is talked about in a big scary fashion, and when you are young, sure it can be, but sex seems to be still such a taboo subject. When you’re in a relationship, sex (usually) is a part of that, and while I understand man people like privacy, I believe sex isn’t something you should feel ashamed or scared to talk about.
    Also, daaaamn, your husband is one lucky man!! xxoxx

    • Thanks Nat. It took me a bit to write it, then go ahead and publish it. Eeek. But it’s worth it. It had to be said and I’m sick and tired of the rules and requirements placed on woman in this area. Over it!

      HA! He is, right!? 😛

  • Mahina Anderson

    Well of course you felt sexy 😛 Look at you! Oh yeah and the soft lighting of the shot and the pink that you’re wearing make your bright blue eyes totally pop! Love it.

    Personally, I think that sex is both overrated and underrated simultaneously. Western society and the media create these unrealistic, unattainable concepts when it comes to sex and its all extremely intimidating. And I am totally with you on how important communication is. Communicating with your partner about sex helps make it better! And talking about sex with people you trust helps to cut down the intimidating ideas about sex and being sexy. Sexy isn’t just the fit models they use to sell cars. Sexy is also a beautiful woman on Valentines day doing something special for the one she loves. Sexy is having confidence and loving yourself and loving someone else and creating something wonderful together!

    • Haha. Thanks Mahina. You’re a gem. x

      I agree, the idea of BEING sexy is craziness. So many ideas wrapped up in it that certainly don’t appeal to me. The idea that it’s something someone else has to say you are, the thought that there’s just one way to be sexy and that it’s revealing and immodest etc etc. Gosh. Apparently I can just go on and on. Thanks for your comment. I loved it!

  • Rachel GeeBee

    LOVE IT – this colour looks amazing with your skin and hair. And the message is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Bow chika wow wow lady.

  • mscate

    What a wonderful post! When I was a high school student, there was so much emphasis on (biologically) safe sex but nothing about the emotional elements of sex or intimacy. Sex is so much more than just the physical act!

    • Thank you Ms Cate. I agree, the emotional education around sex is seriously lacking. Here’s hoping more conversation around the subject improves the emotional IQ at the same time.

  • Trudie Bristow

    You’re the best babe, and so right on the money and can I say hottie hot hot.

  • SpiikerKat

    you look hot! and that second photo is just so beautiful!
    Awesome post – there is still so much taboo attached to talking about sex, which is ridiculous!

    • Thank you Katie. There really is. Especially sex and women’s role in it. Ridiculous.

  • Emily Furlong

    I honestly don’t know if anyone could have said it better. I’m soooooo sick of hearing gasps of surprise and scandal when I make a comment about my sex life. Seriously, last time I checked I didn’t live in a convent!!! Sex in whatever form you choose to perform it is a perfectly wonderful thing as long as you and your partner are consenting adults (age of consent reached) then that’s all that matters. Black, white, male, female, other…. I don’t care. As long as you’re having fun and being wise about it.

    • Thank you Emily. I’m glad you think so. And yes, thanks for sharing your story. The more we do that, I think, the more it becomes the norm for women to have and enjoy sex and becomes less of a thing that we don’t and it’s something we have to be talked, bribed or cajoled into.

  • Let’s elope.

  • PrincessEatsPeaSoup

    I do like the colour of that bra, looks great. It’s a pity City Chic don’t make them up to my size.

    I am all for being empowered in sexual relationships. It’s a very long time since I thought there was any other way. I think maybe the Scandinavian countries teach their teens better than we do and I definitely felt like I had to overcome my upbringing to find my feet sexually. It’s also a long time since I thought size, shape or age had anything to do with having a fabulous sex life. Think outside the box? There is no box 🙂

    Thanks for sharing xx

    • Thank you! Such a shame you can’t get one for yourself. I hate when that happens.

      Out of the box/no box indeed! LOVE.

      You’re so welcome. x

  • Mel M

    Great post! You look beautiful xx

  • Awesome post! it resonated with me quite strongly. Thank you!

    PS. you look so lovely, feminine and natural in those photos. Gorgeous!

  • Alycia Ann

    This was great for me to read Melissa. I agree 100% with everything that was said about sex. Plus you look stunning! Well done beautiful!

  • Sparkles and Lace

    Very pretty you saucy thing you 🙂 xx

  • David

    All I have to say is, WOW, sexy, HOT and with an imagination can be provocative. Your hubby is (or was at this point) a very lucky man.

    • Thanks David. He’s a very lucky man. And smart enough to realise it. Haha.

  • Scott

    Woah!! You look very sexy and feminine!!
    I’ll bet the rest is just as enticing!

  • Great words, 100% agree. Nothing more needs to be said. x