Yesterday I went to the shops. Ugh. Hold me now this time of year is madness. But this tale is not about the shops. People were generally kind, we all shuffled along like sheep through the checkout buying more plastic and crap than we could ever need. That is a tale for another, much less cynical, day. This is a story about a man. A man who I never met, who just happened to be sharing the bench with me outside Supre. A man who I had seen interact with his teenage daughters who were shopping IN Supre.
We sat there, minding our business. My nephew was having a bad day so I rocked his pram while he slept and watched the world go by. Then a woman and her son, pushing a trolley of Christmas cheer strutted past. They barely registered for me amongst the acres of long tanned legs on display. Wow to be 17 and know what I know now. Sigh. Anyway…. they barely registered for me UNTIL the woman turned to her son and loudly said
“Look at that old guy sitting there checking out all the young girls’.
She says it loudly. Obviously in a deliberate attempt to be overheard by the man. I know he would have heard. I did. The people behind me did because I saw them turn around. I felt embarrassed for the man. I flashed my gaze at him and he was doing his best impression of not having heard her. I was furious at the woman. How dare she. And I couldn’t keep my mouth shut {as usual}.
Actually LADY, I said, he’s just waiting for his daughters. I met her with a steely gaze that I hoped conveyed my disappointment, annoyance and internal desire to give her a piece of my mind. She shrugged her shoulders, grunted and kept walking straight out the sliding doors. My face burned with anger. I don’t care what her experience of men, this was so unacceptable. I thought of the men in my life. This post. My nephew sleeping in the pram.
I turned to the man and he met me with a grateful, if not embarrassed smile. I shook my head and smiled back. We didn’t say anything. He reminded me of my Dad even more in that moment. A man of few words. I could tell she had gotten to him. This mad me sad. I went back to thinking and noticed less than a minute later he had waved his daughters over. They spoke briefly and he walked off in the general direction of the food court.
In some small way that horrible woman had won. The side of judgement and cynicism had won. I sat there and wondered what the heck becomes of us when our first reaction is the assume the very, VERY worst of people we meet. What happens when our first thought is for the darkness of the world with the ‘joy of Christmas’ literally ringing in our ears. That made me sad.
So lady if you are out there, know that I won’t stand for you being like that. A lot of people I know won’t either. I hope you can overcome whatever it is that gave you the evidence to call this man a pervert when you didn’t know him from a bar of soap. I hope you do that before the man YOU are raising is impacted by your opinion of men. I hope he knows that men aren’t all dirty, uncontrollable or lustful above all else. I hope that you find peace this Christmas.
And I sort of hope your son accidentally pushed the trolley into the back of your ankles.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
I think that is a reflection of her views and perhaps the men in her life! My Mum assumes every man is having a perve and that is because she was treated badly by her husband and he was a looky lou!
However, to actually say something out loud is very rude.
I lived with my Dad when I was a teenager and one of my best memories is shopping for bras with him. He took me to Myer and was all embarrassed waiting for me outside the change rooms. The ladies there made him feel comfortable and soon he was laughing and having a great old time, playing up the single Dad angle. We shopped together for the rest of the day with Dad holding up hideous items saying “this is nice” while I would laugh and tell him to stop it. I just hope this man goes out again with his girls and mets some lovely shop assistants like my Dad did years ago. Well done Melissa. I often think of something to say to people like this woman way too late. Getting rammed in the ankles is incredibly painful, hopefully this happened a few times in the way out.
I’ve been having a bit of annual leave from my blog and reading my love, so apologises for not popping in for a wee bit. But I read this post and I’ve just got to say go you. Good on you for saying something. I feel so sorry for that fellow, in those words she has robbed so many. She robbed him of those moments watching and waiting patiently for his daughters, who knows what that may or may not mean to him to do that. She robbed those girls of their dad just being there. We won’t know if it affected or concerned them. But words and incidents like these can undermine so many and on so many levels. Not to mention with attitudes like she has what she is robbing her child of as well.
Good on you for saying what you did, because despite the fact she shrugged it off and will likely not stop being so rude, at least you made it known publicly assumptions like that are inappropriate.
Love your big protective stand up for others heart. X
As a mum to 3 young boys, I was quite upset by this post. What the hell goes on in people’s minds that they would think that every man over a certain age is a pervert? I have actually seen an increase in this “man bashing” recently which is really sad and what kind of message is this sending to her son? My dad often sits or stands out the front of the shops waiting for us, do I have to tell him to bring props with him now eg a newspaper or magazine so he doesn’t get abused by ransoms? Great post Ms Suger.
Sorry that is randoms not ransoms (autocorrect)
I hear you Lisa. As a woman surrounded by great men it makes me very sad indeed to see this rise in the whole dumb man/silly daddy thing. Even worse when men are treated as predators. So wrong!
I can’t believe she said that. The ego on it?!? I mean, that is the definition of trashy behaviour, isn’t it? I think I would have been too shocked to react, so good on you because I doubt there’s anything the poor man could have said to defend himself in that situation. It’s also the sort of comments from strangers that some people find hard to shake off.
It is better all round to be kinder to people around you because clearly there are enough people who aren’t thinking like that.
It was horrible. One of those punch to the guts sort of things. Poof. Air sucked out of you. To be honest I’m not sure where that reaction can from. Perhaps it was that he couldn’t say anything to defend himself tha tmy voice showed up.
It IS. I absolutely agree.
Amen and God Bless You for this post.
It put a huge smile on my face.
Being a divorced dad, I have judges question why I wanted to be with my kids more.
Again thanks.
Thank you Pat. I’m sorry to hear that your motivaes are questioned. The simple fact that they are your kids and you love them is enough for most of us.
This is so powerful. Thank you for saying out loud to this mean, self aggrandizing woman exactly what the man could not say for himself. Women complain that men do not take a larger role in parenting, but with bullets to dodge like this woman, I can see why they would feel dubious about something as simple as going shopping with their kiddos at Christmas. sigh….. Women can be our own worst enemies.
Thank you. And I agree, I totally agree.
Makes me sad to hear things like this. I just don’t understand why people are so nasty? Glad to hear you stood up for the man, and I hope she learned something 🙂
You know what I’ve been thinking? I’m sure she felt completely justified and that she was just protecting those girls. Too bad she was way off. We all think we are doing the right thing in the moment we are doing it. I have empathy for that. I’ve been judgemental and hurtful in my past thinking I was completely justified. Now I know better, so I do better. Maybe now she does too. Fingers crossed.
Thank you for standing up for what was right <3
You’re welcome. Thank you. x
Well done you for saying something to that woman! So often I hear people say the most unfounded and judgmental comments and I never feel brave enough to stand up to them. I find it sad that people think they can make themselves feel better by making others feel like crap. Where’s their Christmas spirit?
Thank you. I don’t always speak up, sometimes the opportunity has passed by before I can gather myself. This time it worked out. Phew. And yes, Christmas spirit indeed!
Wow, that has got to be one of the most random judgemental things to say. I’m glad you said something to her. I guarantee she will be watching her words more carefully at least for the rest of the year.
Hopefully a little longer than that – fingers crossed!
Fingers crossed!
Random, right? She was just so disgusted and convinced. I can still hear the tone perfectly.
It has literally made my day to read that you stood up to this rudeness, especially on behalf of a stranger. I hope all the goodness come back to you in return.
xxoo
Thank you Tully. As sick in the stomach as it makes me to do it (despite some words to the contrary, I’m not out there looking for a fight) I’m glad I did.
I know I don’t know you, but after reading this I just had to say that I am so very proud to know that there are people like you around. Not many would say something in defence of someone they don’t know, but by doing so you may have planted a seed with that woman to realise sometimes your perception of truth can be very wrong! Well done and I hope you enjoy all that Christmas can bring, you deserve it.
Thank you Trudes, much appreicated. That is my hope too. Someone once pulled me up on one of my assumptions and it has forever changed me. All we have is the way we have always seen things, unless something happens to change that.
That’s really nasty! I hate people who make assumptions! Just because some men are arseholes, doesn’t make them all that way! I’m impressed with you for sticking up for him! Hats off to you too. Hopefully he knows there are more people like you who will stick up for him when nasty people like that lady say things that are not true.
Thank you. I hope so too. And I hope, for that moment even if she didn’t show it that she reconsidered. Fingers crossed.
Wow, what a nasty thing to say. I’m sure we are all guilty of the odd horrible assumption but I like to think that for the most part we keep them to ourselves instead of humiliating and publicly embarrassing people. Good job sticking up for him!!! 🙂
We are, absolutely. A passing though, a question in our HEAD. In our head lady. You just said that out loud. haha.
Thank you.