If you’ve been around this blog for a while, or know me at all, you’ll know that I’ve been married for a million years in modern terms. 10 years and counting. Haha. But there are always occasions when this husband of mine surprises me. This weekend we had a surprising conversation and it did what surprising conversations do best and surprised the heck out of me.
Now the details are private, gosh you nosey people, but the crux of it was that we both had things that had gone unsaid for a while and during this conversation they were said. We communicated about stuff and this man that I love and adore surprised me with his humility, humour, his acceptance of who I am and the way he loves me.
Sometimes I get asked about our relationship. Things like how we make it work, how supportive Mr Suger is of the blog and how we always look like we have so much fun together. I rarely answer these questions. We aren’t experts, we don’t have some magical formula for having a relationship we love. And we sure as heck aren’t perfect or resemble remotely a perfect example.
But I think that’s the point.
We aren’t perfect but we work perfectly together. I’m often distracted and don’t pay attention to him. I’m moody and have a tendency to be a needy, whiny mess when I want to be. And he tends to spend our money without discussing such things, be generally disgusting and not listen very well.
But we work because when we decided to get married six weeks after meeting each other, we said then that we were all in. Faults and all. And we meant it. Those 20-year-old kids, they meant it with everything they were and now in our thirties, we reaffirm it every chance we get.
Thank goodness because those faults, they can be annoying as fuck when you’re this many years into a relationship and the charm of the quirks has worn off. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you get me. I’m absolutely sure you get me.
But is that a secret to a relationship? Is it the magic formula for success past that first decade together? Who knows. One thing I know is that while we continue to have conversations that surprise me, I’m in this thing. While this husband of mine allows me to grow and change and try new things and I allow him the same freedom, I know we will make it work.
Because sometimes, all you need is to be surprised by the person you love. And if it’s during a conversation that uncovers some things previously left unsaid, then even better. Life is, after all, always changing and the goal posts move. I think in relationships you need be to flexible enough to move with them.
That’s what works for us.
Even when I want to murder him. Especially when I want to murder him. Which happens too often, bless his heart that man can be a terror. But I’m a lover, not a fighter.