Today is THE day that Mr Suger and I celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. This man that I get to share my life with is someone special, let me tell you. But this isn’t about that. Not really. It’s about what I’ve learnt so far about marriage and relationships and life. And I know that it’s something you guys are interested in, so I thought I’d take this chance and share it with you.
I’ve learnt that you have to keep talking. Even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to. You need to talk about silly things, about your day and when there feels like nothing left to say. Be in a conversation because, in the end, that’s what relationships are, a life shared.
I’ve learnt that you have to keep laughing. Oh boy, do I know this to be true? When I look at Kel, and he’s managed to get himself in some kind of compromising position, or tries hard to be funny, or shows me yet another meme he found on Facebook, I know that that laughter matters more than any argument we could have about his socks being under the couch. The fun, the joy of it, that’s what the good times are all about.
I’ve learnt that you need to be together. You need to have each other’s back and never waiver from that. My father said to me early in my relationship that we need to be on the same team. Even if it meant, we had to ‘discuss’ matters in private, but we needed to be a united front. Because support and loyalty mean a lot. Especially when the alternative is little digs and undermining side comments.
I’ve learnt that there’s no such thing as too much love. I think if you’re in love you should hold hands, snuggle, make out. I think if you want to lay in bed all day or watch Netflix on the couch curled into a ball, you should. And for me, the queen of anxiety, I think that if the way you feels overwhelms you sometimes, you need to go with it. Embrace the love and all the possibilities that come with it. Even if that means one day you may be hurt, or alone or broken. Especially because of that, you need to embrace the hugeness of love.
I’ve learnt that life doesn’t go as planned. For us, that meant our original plans for children being thwarted, then set aside. It meant selling up to pay a tax bill. It was business success and failure. It involved a honeymoon 10 years after the wedding. Life, it loves to laugh in the face of your plans so you might as well roll with it. Find the exciting, fun, joyous, madness in it and let everything else go. Plan to throw the plan out the window. That’s what I actually learnt.
And before I go, let me tell you about this one day, a few years ago now, that I was having a conversation with a friend’s mother. We were discussing marriage, my plans at that point to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and I said ’10 years is SOOOOO long’. Taking in the look on my face, she laughed and said, you’ve got a long way to go yet, lovely. I stood there. I stared at her, mouth open. I frowned. I furrowed my brow.
She was right.
Like a loooooooong way to go yet.
And on days like today, when we are going to be surrounded by my family to celebrate my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary, I know we can make it. God willing. This man, this silly, gorgeous, supportive, strong, kind, generous, open man; He makes me so happy. He’s made my life.