How taking small steps towards your goals will change your life

How taking small steps towards your goals will change your life

by | Oct 14, 2015 | Personal

One foot in front of the other, that’s what this post is about. How taking small steps towards your goals will change your life forever, starting now.

Ever been told to look for the silver lining? Look on the bright side, find the positive or be grateful for what you have? Yup. Me too. And I’ve said it myself, a million and one times. But the thing is that when you are being knocked on your ass time and time again, that’s easier said than done.

So how do you then start to take steps towards being positive when all you can feel is ick? I have a few thoughts on that. Some ideas that I’ve garnered from years of being told to cheer up and really, really, REALLY not wanting to.

First of all, you have to spend some time dropping your bundle. Times are tough, and the world is against you and in all seriousness you just need to have a good cry about it. Awesome. Do that. Decide that for an entire day you will be a fragile, sobbing mess if you feel like it. Relish and wallow in the injustice of it. Life sucks. Celebrate the suckiness of it.

My personal favourite way to do this is to watch heartbreaking, tear jerker movies one after another. I follow this up with a bit of eating of my feelings. General wallowing and loads of sighs. The thing to remember is that you don’t have to have it together all the time. You don’t have to be brave, strong or in charge all the time. Put your adult hat aside and carry on like a toddler for a while. I give you permission.

I’ll wait here while you schedule that time. Just me and my elevator music and weird humming.

climb out of that funk sq

Ready? When you’ve done that. When you’ve cried and wailed and sobbed and stamped your feet for long enough, then it’s time to take the next step. And you’ll know it’s time, you’ll feel it in your gut that enough is enough. Don’t have that feeling? Book another crying hour, or another day. But when you’re ready to move on, fully aware that life just kicked your bum, and it’s not fair, nothing is, and then it’s time.

Time to admit one thing to get yourself back on track. There are people, lots of them in most cases, who are having their bum kicked way worse than you are right now. And worse, they are probably happy about it. If you’re reading this email on your computer or device of whatever sort, with access to the internet, then you, my friend, are way ahead of the game. Your life, though complicated in whatever means it is, is a cake walk compared to some.

No buts, no ifs, no maybes. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this is the only way I know how to tell you this. You are a lucky son of a bitch. You have more than some people ever dream of. And you need to brush yourself off, get up and try again. Because you can. Because you’re not dead yet. Because I’ve got your back, and I know that whatever is facing you right now is in front of you because you have the guts to handle it. No question.

Don’t make me call you warrior because I can and will do that.

You can do this because of all you have and all you are and who I know you to be. But Suger, you may say, you don’t know me, I’m a person of the internet that you’ve never met. But that’s where you’re wrong. I do know you. I AM YOU. You are my sister. My friends. My husband or the lady who works across the hall. I know you because all people are, the good ones anyway, the same. When you get right down to it, we are all the same. And we, my friend, are gutsy as hell.

Go on, take that first step. Then take the next one and the next one towards looking at things differently and then you tackle your life head on. Suckiness and all. Because you remember the good days, the happy times, the gifts you have right in front of you. You have always, always been taken care of and loved by whatever force out there you believe in.

Up and at ’em team. Time to try again.

how taking small steps towards your goals will change your life - Suger Coat It

Confident You: What are you afraid of?

Confident You: What are you afraid of?

by | Aug 10, 2014 | Confidence

When you’re a child, and you peer off into the night, the cool of the evening settled in your room, the curtains rustle, and you know that there is a monster in the corner. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt to your very core that this is the end, that monster is going to eat you and so you scream.

Then the light comes on. A parent stands in the doorway. You are coaxed out from under the covers, probably sniffing and have it revealed to you that there is nothing there. The imminent death you imagined is no longer. The fear lets go of your body, and you drift off to sleep comforted.

Being an adult can be the same sometimes.

I was afraid of being found out. Afraid people would discover that I was hiding this giant secret that I was, in fact, stupid. Imagine that. Not traditionally beautiful or good at anything much, the idea that I was also stupid was this quiet fear that lived in my chest.

My fear that I was stupid pushed me to prove myself. To myself mostly but to others as a way to keep it hidden. For it to stay private. I choose my path, committed to things and failed, in the same way, over and again all because my fear drove me. I would avoid situations and make choices based on that fear staying hidden.

But they never stay hidden for long. They can’t, not if that’s what you believe about yourself. If it is what you fear most, it has a funny way of showing up for you over and again. Over and over I found myself either looking stupid or hiding from being stupid… What a life. What life?

When I learnt to stop doing that, to ask for help when I needed it, to read for joy and learn for pleasure not to get somewhere or prove something, life changed. Everything from education, my ability to learn and the way I voice my opinion, even how I share on this blog, changed. I had the freedom to not know; to learn and make mistakes. Freedom to breathe and fail. That space was, simply, everything. The best.

Do I still look stupid sometimes? Sure. Do I feel stupid? Sure. But am I afraid that it’s something that identifies my entire self to the world? No, not at all.

When it’s all dark, and you’re alone your fears about yourself, feel big. They feel like maybe they are so big that we won’t get past them. Insurmountable and such. But fears can be broken down when you face them. When you turn on the light, gather your people to you and see what turns up with some clarity.

Fears disappear in conversation with those who don’t share the same fear as us, people who see clearly and can counsel you through. Beware though, two kids in a dark room filled to the brim with monsters are both afraid. Don’t surround yourself with people who share your fears and doubts. You might just find that your fear multiplies. In fact, I’d almost guarantee you that.

I challenge you today to stand and face those things you fear. Open your eyes and see them for what they are. Stories mostly, predictions of the worst case scenario.

What are you afraid of?

You don’t have to tell me here, but you can. Think about it for a minute and take my challenge to let it go. Too big? Maybe just loosen the reins a little.