This, was the best day ever…

And on this day a little voice told me I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Something strange was happening. Something was going on. A friends mother had seen me at breakfast the week before and asked if I was pregnant. I had had vomiting and, well, the rest the days prior but was feeling fine so decided to go to dinner. And had to make a serious run for the public toilets. Vomiting followed. I thought the bug had returned. 
Now I was not so sure. 
So I peeled open the packaging on a freshly purchased home pregnancy test and summoned the courage to pee on it. It said I could use it anytime. But even an newbie at this knew it was best in the morning. Morning schmorning. I couldn’t wait. So just after lunch I did it. 
And within a few seconds there were two lines. 
Pregnant. Holy shit. I laughed out loud and shook my head at the same time. No way. No waaaaay. I went to find Hubby. He was working in the yard. I told him the news. But not to get too excited, I was going to test again. But I could tell by his face that there was no point. He was already excited! 
So I peed on another stick. Two lines. One fainter than the other but definitely there. I called a local doctor to request an appointment and he said two positives meant definitely pregnant. He’d see me tomorrow and schedule a dating scan. 
Definitely pregnant. I told Hubby. We hugged and laughed. Smiled and chatted. Later that afternoon we laid on our bed talking for hours. He laid his hands on my stomach talking to our little one as well. Though we both knew it probably didn’t have ears yet. I recall it now perfectly. That afternoon. The love. The closeness. 
And so, that simple, perfect day sticks out in my mind. Firmly planted with my wedding day, the birth of my sister, the night before I left home when through tears, my siblings and I promised each other we’d be close forever and a select handful more. A day of pure joy. With just us. My family I am building with Hubby. Just us three. It was the best day ever.   
And the saddest part. As some of you would know. Is that this perfect day was followed by some of the shittiest days, weeks and months of my life as we lost the baby and have struggled ever since to conceive again. But then. On a perfect day. You don’t know that. That’s the beauty of this memory. Only hindsight ruins it and if I block it out for just long enough, I get to enjoy that moment again. 
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16 responses to “This, was the best day ever…”

  1. Since we recently experienced a miscarriage I can completely sympathize with this post.

  2. awww. I hope you have this day again soon, without all the cruel shittiness afterwards.

  3. I'm sure this was much harder for you to write than for me to read but I'm having a little sob right now. Talk about an array of emotions. I got so excited for you when I started reading… I say a little prayer everyday for you xx

  4. I had 4 of those shitty days you mention and each time my heart had to be patchworked back together again. Tis so cruel because you NEVER enjoy subsequent pregnancies as you are always so shi* scared the same thing will happen and that is definately not how it should be. Hang in there I ended up with a beautiful, healthy bundle of perfection conceived naturally in the middle of those 4 miscarriages. Although I craved a number of children and siblings for my child having Brenton very much balmed my heart.I pray that your heart will be balmed soon.Love Kimmiexxx

  5. I've had a few of those perfect days – of course followed by lots of shitty ones.The one that stands out in my mind the most though was when we found out we were expecting at the start of 2008. It was both the happiest day of my life and the shittiest.Happy because we got our BFP.Shitty because we found out that my Dad's cancer had come back and it was terminal.Shitty because by the end of the day I had started to miscarry – I had had my "happy" for less than 12 hours.Then I had another "happy" EXACTLY 12 months later – this "happy" lasted a week. And now we're coming up to that time of the year again and all my dates are falling into line again – to the point that I could get knocked up at the same time AGAIN – 3rd time lucky? Meh probably not.I PRAY [and I NEVER pray] that this year Melissa is YOUR year, that you get your "happy" again and it sticks around.~x~

  6. I mistakenly thought this was a news post & got all excited for you. The sting at the end was palpable. I love that you have the strength to hold the moment in heart, to enjoy.

  7. Sorry I got your hopes up. I just realised I hadn't told this story before. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. Soon. Very soon. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

  8. This post broke my heart. I too read it thinking that it was new, not a retelling, so it was like experiencing the journey with you all over again. More than anything I wish there was just some magical answer, because living like this is so unfair.

  9. i've been there.and it sucks so unbelieveably.if you need a bit of hand holding … let me know.there are a lot of good posts and articles that i can send you to if you need something.

  10. I too also thought this was new. And I thought, "But she wouldn't be announcing it so early, because only the other week she was lamenting that she wasn't pregnant." But, I like that the story comes across that way. Because it makes reading it make the whole thing seem so much more real than simply words on a screen.

  11. I wish for you a beautiful double line this year, a sticky one. My first MC was the hardest and as Kimmie said above it ruined any excitement for future pregnancies (4 in total, all MC). I desperately struggled through life for years. I had no other thought in my head than babies. I finally had my daughter, then quickly after, my son. I am truly blessed. My friend gave my a fertility doll after my fourth MC. If I still had it I'd send it to you.NessXx

  12. i didn't realise that this was a blog this challenge…best feeling in the world isn't it…and i know the shitty day (days, weeks, months) all too well…thank you for telling it xxox

  13. Thank you for sharing this. It's so unfair that the best days don't always get to last forever. I hope that there is another best day on the way for you in the very near future and that this one goes on to become best weeks, months and years for you and your husband.

  14. It sucks that that happened to you when you wanted it so much, but I love your attitude, that on a perfect day you don't know it's going to end up differently.Thanks for sharing.

  15. I feel your pain, we are doing ivf and after 4 rounds we have had this happen twice in a row now. Hoping we both get a BFP soonHugs

  16. This day will come again. I'm hoping for more best days in your beautiful life together for you and your family.

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