And on this day a little voice told me I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Something strange was happening. Something was going on. A friends mother had seen me at breakfast the week before and asked if I was pregnant. I had had vomiting and, well, the rest the days prior but was feeling fine so decided to go to dinner. And had to make a serious run for the public toilets. Vomiting followed. I thought the bug had returned.
Now I was not so sure.
So I peeled open the packaging on a freshly purchased home pregnancy test and summoned the courage to pee on it. It said I could use it anytime. But even an newbie at this knew it was best in the morning. Morning schmorning. I couldn’t wait. So just after lunch I did it.
And within a few seconds there were two lines.
Pregnant. Holy shit. I laughed out loud and shook my head at the same time. No way. No waaaaay. I went to find Hubby. He was working in the yard. I told him the news. But not to get too excited, I was going to test again. But I could tell by his face that there was no point. He was already excited!
So I peed on another stick. Two lines. One fainter than the other but definitely there. I called a local doctor to request an appointment and he said two positives meant definitely pregnant. He’d see me tomorrow and schedule a dating scan.
Definitely pregnant. I told Hubby. We hugged and laughed. Smiled and chatted. Later that afternoon we laid on our bed talking for hours. He laid his hands on my stomach talking to our little one as well. Though we both knew it probably didn’t have ears yet. I recall it now perfectly. That afternoon. The love. The closeness.
And so, that simple, perfect day sticks out in my mind. Firmly planted with my wedding day, the birth of my sister, the night before I left home when through tears, my siblings and I promised each other we’d be close forever and a select handful more. A day of pure joy. With just us. My family I am building with Hubby. Just us three. It was the best day ever.
And the saddest part. As some of you would know. Is that this perfect day was followed by some of the shittiest days, weeks and months of my life as we lost the baby and have struggled ever since to conceive again. But then. On a perfect day. You don’t know that. That’s the beauty of this memory. Only hindsight ruins it and if I block it out for just long enough, I get to enjoy that moment again.
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Suger 
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