There are times in every girls life that she needs to take stock of who or what is running her life. Where has the power gone. Who or what has it. And why the hell did you let it slip through your fingers. And it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with your life. There may not be anything that isn’t even particularly not working about it. But you may be reaching for that thing that you want and falling short.
And then you know it is time.
And for me that time came a week or two ago. I realised that try as I may I could not force myself. Couldn’t bribe, motivate or trick myself into getting out of bed earlier to go for a walk. Or resist the food van for that matter. And I thought hold on, something is running me here. Something else is in charge. Not me. Because I would never do this. I am committed to health, well being and babies. And whatever this was, well, it was being a jerk.
And so I took a look at my habits. The baaaaaad ones. And at the forefront is this one. {I’ve got others, I’ll save them for next week!}
My evenings go a little like this; I arrive home. I have usually bought a six pack or bottle of wine. I pour a drink to wind down. I then skip the afternoon walk to have a second or sometimes a thirs. I would than eat too much at dinner {because lets face it, I am a bit pissy by now} followed by staying up until all hours of the night.
And in the background. The motivator behind such detrimental behaviour? And all this was run by I’m tired, it’s too hard, I deserve it. Recognise anything from here?
And so to break the cycle, as you may have heard, I decided to participate in OctSOBER. And I haven’t had a drink since Saturday night. And I didn’t realise how much I would grab a drink or two to steady the nerves after work. Sad, but true. Or how shouting at the ref on footy final day was no where near as much fun without a bundy or two. Or that it had all gotten a bit out of hand lately, if I am being honest, all in the name of I’m tired, it’s too hard, I deserve it. And I didn’t know because you just don’t know what you don’t know.
So now when my old friends I’m tired, it’s too hard, I deserve it show up. I politely ask them to leave or sit quietly in the corner. And I do the things I know to do. Because there is something powerful about knowing something you didn’t know that you didn’t know. And knowing means that it no longer has the hold it had before. Would you agree?
Suger 
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