So if I am really, really going to do this, this time, I need to get some stuff out of my system. Like the million times I have tried and failed to loose weight and keep weight off. I think Miss Lucy would agree. It is time to clear the shelves of my mind of those ideas I have about what is possible. So here is some of my mental clutter. I’m dumping it into the internet because I don’t want it any more. Now just promise me that you’ll be careful, not to get any on you!
My first dieting memory is my mother. I remember the stockpile of cottage cheese and grape fruits. The smell of bacon and eggs in the morning as she dived head on into Atkins. The weekly booklets as she weight watcher’ed. The repetitive cycle of dieting. And I decided that loosing weight is hard, keeping it off is harder and nothing works. And so I have lived into this.
I have dieted on and off since I was very young. I remember being put on a diet by my parents. And being pretty darn upset about that. To be singled out. I felt named and shamed in front of my siblings. My family. I don’t hold this against my parents. I was a fat kid. They were doing what they thought was best. What I decided right then, was that I was a disappointment. A failure. The one child, out of three, they were ashamed of. And so when I have tried, I tried for them. To make them proud. And, in time, I failed. Just as I knew I would. I was a failure.
I remember being bigger than other kids. Always taller, wider. Bigger feet and hands. Even a bigger head. My family has a saying that you don’t get Shetland Ponies out of Draft Horses. In some ways, genetically, we are big. In others, we band together and support each other in bad habits. Not exercising, eating badly and too much, drinking too much… And I worry sometimes about not fitting in, if I do what it will really take to be fit. Really. Like they wouldn’t love me as much or something. Crazy talk. But strangely convincing in the confines of the mind.
So there you go, Fat to Fit’ters. I’m here. I’ve aired some of my dirty laundry. That totally makes me one of you. Embrace me and give me your best secrets. If you please. Especially if you have an ultra speedy way to magically drop 40kg. I would be particularly interested to hear that. Not joining in but like too? Click that little button below and off you’ll go.
Suger 
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