I’m unwell, you might have noticed me mention that, I’m a terrible sick person. I could almost deal with it and just keep slogging on if being sick and sad didn’t focus such a bright shining light on everything that I feel like isn’t working in my life. And you’ll find, under a blinding, unflinching light there’s a lot of faults and flaws to be seen.
Balls dropping to the floor.
Deadlines eyeing me knowingly as they loom.
Suitcases left unpacked and open on the floor causing injury and harsh words.
I live a blessed life, I know that, and sometimes I feel like I am drowning in it. Drowning in the tasks to do and the expectations I put on myself to fulfil the many requests that come my way. I’m well, mentally, for the first time in a while. I feel steady and sure. But life, well, it got a little messy and the lines of what I want, what I can fit in and those who matter overlapped somewhere.
Forget blurred, that’s why overlapped works.
They just became this messy, one on top of another pile of things that make up my life. And there I was at the bottom not knowing who or where I am, and in the midst of writing a challenge about confidence, barely hanging on to mine in the face of my serious opposition. Lessons to be learned and relearned apparently. So I keep on going. Moving forward and hoping that when the fog clears, I will feel in charge again.
I’m not even sure if this post makes sense. If you’re reading it I’ve probably come back and tidied it up a little so it kinda of does. Today I just wanted to write. Write about things and how they always seem worse when you have a cough you can’t shake and a red nose from blowing. I wanted to remind MYSELF that it’s not as bad as it seems. And that letting go or saying goodbye isn’t always a bad thing.
And writing about it, well, that’s always helpful too.
And yes, I’m aware I pinched the title line from a Paramore song, I like to think they wouldn’t mind at all. At least I didn’t force you all to listen to me sing it loudly and badly…