My entire life up until a few years ago, I knew three things about myself. I was responsible, I was serious, and I was stupidly large for a girl {tall, large feet, large hands, large size!}. Now the first and the last are not what this is about. This is how I got un-serious.

I was barely 20 when I decided to get my serious life together. I moved back to my hometown, husband-to-be in tow. I organised engagement parties and twenty-first birthdays. I purchased a cafe. We renovated a house and booted tenants out of another. We even had something of a retirement plan. I’d carefully planned and structured a version of my perfect life.

My serious grown-up life.

And I experienced the worst depression of my adult life. In my renovated home in the centre of town. In my spacious, grown-up marital bed. I would cry — soul rattling cries. I would gasp for air, and at the same time, I would hope it wouldn’t come so this could be over. Suicide might have been an option, had I not lost so many from my life already. I was sad and broken in the serious life that I’d built.

I told you once that my Dad would come; talk to me, hug me and plan a future for me. Kel would hold me, panda to me, humour me. And mostly to love me, though there was nothing he could do. Nothing FOR him to do. I talked to someone and got a prescription from another.

And bit by bit, I un-serious-ed myself.

I gave in to the laughter and humour that was as much a part of me as anything. Something that had been relegated to the not grown up enough box. I studied some more. Quit again. I went back into Real Estate, drank some wine, sang and danced. In our home, we bought family and friends closer and closer. I learned some more about me.

And one day I got the joke. I got that being a grown-up had very little to do with being serious. Like I imagined it did. I got that it had everything to do with me accepting me and being that. And let me tell you, the first day I tripped a little in the street and laughed loudly, mouth wide open, and head flung back, I knew I had become a grown-up.

And that I had successfully un-serious-ed my life.