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In the latest Suger News, I shared that I’ve been unwell mentally for a while now (read it and subscribe here). And that my tricky tricky mind had done it’s best to convince me that I was fine. Days were fine. Nights were fine. Relationships were fine. Choices I was making for myself and my life, you guessed it, FINE! Life was fine.

But I don’t want FINE; I want great.

This realisation came to me in a conversation with a friend. Someone who not only asked if I was okay but pushed and said that I didn’t seem to be. I explained that I was busy, I’d taken on a lot, and soon the smoke would clear, and I’d be able to breathe again.

Except that, well, I’d been saying that for almost two years. The smoke wasn’t clearing. It was a fire, and it was burning my life to the ground. A little dramatic, but you get the picture. My life that I’d fought for built and had LOVED so much was slipping away.

And that wasn’t fine with me at all.

I want my life, every crazy, unique, colourful, beautiful part of it. It’s important to me that I feel the highs and the lows. I want to be well enough to experience things. There I things I want for my life but they all pale in comparison with how I want my life to feel. The people I want to love, the laughs I want to have and, well you get it! I want to live, and fine just isn’t going to cut.

So I’ve made some changes. Under supervision, of course, because we all know that my tricky tricky mind can’t be trusted right now. And I’m finding my way to do and have the things I love.

If that’s a soak in the spa while the hot sun tickles my shoulders, a glass of wine or a weekend at the beach.  Or the chance to do things like say yes to time with family and friends. My goals right now are clearing the space in my head and making room for life to get in.

I’m going to make sure this life I’m living is anything but fine.

I challenge you, my friend, to do the same. Of course. you wouldn’t have expected anything less from me, right? To demand better than fine from you? But it’s because I care; trust me on that. Have that first conversation if you’re struggling. You deserve way more than fine.

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