Grouchy

So it turns out I have moved on from cranky to a hormonal grouchy. At least this explains a lot. The whole the sky is falling feeling of last week is lifting and I’m feeling more myself. Laughing more. Less weighed down. What a relief. I haven’t suffered a major bout of depression in almost 10 years. I worried, silently for the last couple of weeks that I wasn’t going to escape another. That I was watching a coming soon preview of the way life would be for a while. It’s a relief to be relived of that pressure.

It’s a reminder that not everyone is so lucky.

It reminds me that some live with that pressure, the weight, every day.

It reminds me that once I did too.

It reminds me not to take the clear days for granted.

It’s late. I missed RUOK Day. I wasn’t ok. I was hiding out.

Today I am okay. Better than okay.

Grouchy but okay.

Tired but okay.

Loved and cherish and blessed and okay.

Today I can ask you.

Are you ok?

Suger

October 3, 2012

Personal

16 responses to “Grouchy”

Gillian James

October 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Nope.

Reply
1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 3, 2012 at 9:18 pm
  
  Anything I can do? You tell me. And consider it done. xo
  
  Reply
  1. Gillian James
    
    October 3, 2012 at 10:43 pm
    
    thanks love. I’ll send you a spread sheet and an action plan :-) Combination of crap outside influences and crap inner monologue combining to create CRAP feelings… Nothing to be done but suck. it. up. x x
  2. Melissa Walker Horn
    
    October 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm
    
    I’ll await the email.
    OR.
    How about I just think lovely, warm squishy thoughts for you. Send them over and hope they help?
    
    Big love xo
Sare

October 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Im having a sky is falling week! Praying its over in a week like yours! xx

Reply
1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 3, 2012 at 9:18 pm
  
  I’m sure it will be. Light at the end of the tunnel, hun, light at the end of the tunnel.
  
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Leisa Flanigan

October 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Glad ur better than OK. I’m going OK this week, last week was a bit off, thank you for asking x

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1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm
  
  I am. And you’re welcome. Glad to hear you came through too. xo
  
  Reply
Cherie

October 4, 2012 at 1:18 am

Oh Suger Yes Thank You I’m very much OK :)
You reminded me of the many years when I wasn’t OK. I’m a survivor, It was a long hard road … jam packed with stories. In my heart I reckon you’ll be telling similar stories to me one day.
Loving Your … Loved and cherished and blessed and okay … Me too ♥

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1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 4, 2012 at 6:59 pm
  
  I’m glad. Thank you Cherie. xo
  
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Gayel – Modern Mummy Mayhem

October 4, 2012 at 9:27 am

I love this post…thank you for being so open on your blog. I am having a biting my lip day dealing with someone who has always made me feel terrible about myself. (Have worn my awesome pink blazer though and keep thinking…say what you want…I look awesome today..lol)

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1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 4, 2012 at 7:01 pm
  
  Thank you Gayel. You’re welcome. You wear that blazer and hold your head up high. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. {Eleanor Roosevelt said that} Don’t give them the power. xo
  
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Chelsea Sutherland

October 4, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I will be ok. Life is throwing a few lemons at the moment (cat died, lost my job – thanks September!) but I’m trying to find the tequila & salt. Cat was 14 and rescued at 3wks old so while she is sorely missed, she had a good life and a better one than she would have had I not insisted the school janitor bust her out of the downpipe she was stuck in + on the job front I’m going to use the time to a) look for something else but b) try and do a bit of freelance/consultancy which is something I’ve always wanted to do but never had the time.

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1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm
  
  I’m sorry to hear of your cat. It’s hard to lose something you’ve cared about for so long. Same with the job. It can be a bit of a ripping when you finish at a job. It shifts things. Do the consulting thing. Really. think of it as the window opening. I bet that’s where you were meant to be the whole time.
  
  Reply
sheribombblog

October 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

It’s weird, this is kinda how I’ve been the last few weeks. Struggling to find the good and feeling weighed down by the bad. It’s part of why the blog has been so quite lately. Struggling to find the motivation or enthusiasm to write. But just like you, I seem to have come out of my funk. I’m glad we are both ok now :) xx

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1. Melissa Walker Horn
  
  October 5, 2012 at 1:01 pm
  
  Me too. I’ve had my head up my ass I haven’t even been to all the blogs I love. A sure fire sign that all is not well. I’m glad you’re back. I’m glad it’s the other side. I’m glad you’re ok. xo
  
  Reply