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On our street there is a house, my house…

And in my house, there is this room. It has two windows, a door and a three door built in robe. It is across the hall from my office. It is the closest room to ours, considering that all the other bedrooms are quite separate to ours. Kelvin will often call it the baby’s room. I can’t bring myself to do that. It hurts me a little. There is no baby there. Who is he referring to? In this room, with it’s very not nursery walls, lives an old double bed without a mattress. There is also a pile of my sister’s clothes that we plan to sell on eBay. And a chest of drawers. And they look like this…
These drawers, they were my Mum’s. They used to live in her bedroom. They held her treasures. Her makeup, her purfume and her jewellery all alongside some very everyday things. I used to love sitting on Mum’s bed as she went through the drawers. I can still picture the nighties. The watches. The necklaces. The array of purfumes including the one her Mum used to wear. It was special. Not to be touched. Though I think it had gone bad. It was a dark yellowish shade.
One day a couple of years ago my Mum bought some new furniture for her and Dad’s room. They were modernising. She asked if I wanted the set of drawers. And starting to furnish a house with a number of empty rooms, I said yes. And now for me, these draws, they hold something else. A small treasure of their own. A secret stash. A quiet hope. 
Yeah, ok, so sometimes we buy stuff! That’s ok right? I feel a little mad sometimes. Like what is the point..? And today as I took some photos of the latest Suger Suger project on top of the set of drawers I was a little sad. But determined to get my butt into gear and do whatever it takes to make this dream a reality. So, powers that be, you hear me, no more Mrs nice girl. And I got this strange urge to run. Like on a treadmill, not away. Can you believe that!? No, me either.

Suger

13 responses to “On our street there is a house, my house…”

  1. Miss Ruby Avatar
    Miss Ruby

    Woohoo!! You go girl!I must say you're braver than I! In our 11 years trying, I've never bought not even one thing and where we are now, I'm actually glad to be honest.BUT that being said, heaps of people buy stuff while they're trying and if they can [if you can] I say good onya! I was never able to be that strong.Bring on the treadmill eh!xx

    Reply
  2. designed to a T Avatar
    designed to a T

    One of my son's friends has been trying for ages and ages. They tried IVF, didn't work. They have since found out they are pregnant, naturally. My wish for you is that maybe if you let it go, just a little bit, then maybe it will happen…All the very very best…Terese

    Reply
  3. Babes Mami Avatar
    Babes Mami

    I think that's an understandable urge, purchase little things. We have one and are trying for number two and I've noticed I want to buy things here and there.Good luck!!

    Reply
  4. Lucy Avatar
    Lucy

    Having that stuff is good. It lets the uninverse know you are ready. Now SHOW the universe you're ready….xx

    Reply
  5. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    My friends are trying and it is about two years now – slowly they have made up their nursery, bought clothes, toys, etc…..she said it's her way of saying "HELLO I'M READY!!!!" If it feels right do it – she siad it gave her something to focus on other than her ovulation. Niether my friend nor I are religious but her mum is – her mum just gave her a statue of Mary because apparently it helps conception. Good vibes coming your way x

    Reply
  6. PinkPatentMaryJanes Avatar
    PinkPatentMaryJanes

    You do what YOU need to do my lovely xx

    Reply
  7. Stephanie Avatar
    Stephanie

    It took my husband and I well over a year to get pregnant with our first child, and I purchased alot of little things during that time, like you have. It will happen for you. Hang in there. *Hugs*

    Reply
  8. Recursively Avatar
    Recursively

    Once I saw the cutest little snuggle winter suit for a boy. It was more like a sleeping bag than a suit, but I held it, hoped, turned it over in my hands, considered, waffled, and alas, I hung it back where I found it. I do know the room. We have two little birds in one room where they sleep and listen to music when we are gone, but the room where the would-be-baby should be is a guest bedroom with a queen-sized bed and a dresser, but there is nothing baby about that room except a room that eagerly waits for one. 11 years and counting… Always hope!

    Reply
  9. E. Avatar
    E.

    Nothing insightful to say here. Just really wanted to you know that I read your post and was touched.

    Reply
  10. River Avatar
    River

    That is the most beautiful chest of drawers I've ever seen! I think it's lovely that you're buying a few sweet little tiny things.

    Reply
  11. Kakka Avatar
    Kakka

    The pain in this post touches my heart. I hope that one day soon there will be nursery walls, a crib and a sweet smelling baby occupying this room. xxx

    Reply
  12. tinsenpup Avatar
    tinsenpup

    Hope is such a double-edged sword, isn't it? I'm with Lucy though. When I was pregnant with my little one (and it took us well over two years to conceive) I had quite a lot of bleeding. I left the hospital after a worrying haemorrhage. We stopped at a mall for some reason and while we wandered around, I found this stuffed turtle that played music. I picked it up to look at it and then tried to put it back, but found I just didn't want to. So I bought it and I thought of it as my little act of faith; a tangible representation of my belief that she would be okay. She's eighteen months old now and the turtle is her favourite toy.If we hadn't had our happy ending, having that turtle wouldn't have made the devastation better or worse.

    Reply
  13. Life In A Pink Fibro Avatar
    Life In A Pink Fibro

    Hurting for you. And hoping as well.Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.

    Reply

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