I drive a lot. Likes, heaps, a lot. Mostly I drive from Gympie to Brisbane. Approximately a two hour trip to the northern side of Brisbane. And back. And then, back again. And back again. Sometimes up to three times a week. Up & down the highways and motorways I go. Zoom, zoom. Often I drive at night. Mostly in fact. Which gives me plenty (emphasis on the plenty) of time to think. To try and stay awake. To hatch a plan or two for global domination. It also causes people to ask me;

So I thought, since you asked, I’ll tell you (and yes, I realise you, personally, may not have asked but someone asked, so whatever). And I was thinking about this on my way home today. From Brisbane. In the pelting rain. And I have decided the best way to tell you is to break it down. Minute by riveting minute. Well sort of.  Are you ready? Excited? I knew you were, let’s go.

2 Hours 15 Minutes from Destination – It occurs to me that an orange fuel light being on won’t work. And I consider where the nearest service station is. I spot one on the left. Chuck a left and I’m in. The driveway that is. So dude in a massive 4WD thingy is pulled up in the driveway considering which fuel tank to use, I assume. Or how to bring about world peace. You know, whatever. I spot that the station has a maccas next door. I contemplate grabbing something to eat. The decision is to wait until I get home having only eaten less than an hour earlier!

2 Hours 15 Minutes from Destination {but 25 minutes later!} – I have fuel. I have a diet coke. I have a new pack of gum. I’m off. I head onto the inner city bypass. I don’t think much as I mindlessly head out of the city. You see all the best thinking happens once you hit the motorway.

2 Hours from Destination – As I merge onto the motorway I begin to flashback over the day I had. Fortunately for you, I already wrote about it here. And I laugh to myself and begin planning world domination in form of getting myself in print. I plot and plan a portfolio type document. A covering letter to kill all others.

1 Hour 50 minutes from Destination – It occurs to me that I might need to pee. Quickly forget this fact and slurp on my water bottle having finished the diet coke a while ago. Where is that gum. I search through my bag with one hand while driving with the other. It occurs to me that my phone has been a bit quiet. I wonder where I put it. Hope i packed it…

1 Hour 30 minutes from Destination – As I whiz past the last clean toilet stop for half an hour it occurs to me that actually I really badly need to pee now. Shooot. Oh well, too late now. Back to plans for getting my writing in print. I think about some glowing compliments I have received. And of the negative. I cringe. I made a promise to go after this. But awwwwah. Do I have to. Geez. I really do need to pee. Uncomfortable. And it starts to pour. Pelting rain hits the windshield. It rains so hard I can barely see. I slow down. I hate driving in weather like this. And seriously, what sort of cruel joke is this on someone who needs to pee sooooo bad. Mean!

1 Hour 10 minutes from Destination – Hubby calls. I guess that answers that question. I chat to him for a while and ask if he would be terribly upset if I peed in the car. He says he would be. And why didn’t I use the toilet at {insert name of dirty, dirty service station here}, he asks. Because I whinge. He knows very well. And plus I say victoriously. I’m almost there. I chat to him quickly about what the plans are for the evening, tell him I love him and hang up. I’m almost there. And gosh. I love that man.

55 minutes from Destination – Success. I have made it! Clean toilets. Bless. I stop in the shop as I have this guilt type thing about using their toilets only and not purchasing anything. Do you get that feeling? So I popped in and grabbed some lunch forgoing an earlier decision not to eat on the road today. As I hop back into the car I think about the week I’ve just had. How since visiting the natropath on Saturday I have lost almost 3kg and how much energy etc I have. I think about my sister and how it was the most amazing birthday present. She;s pretty good at this present thing. Actually I don’t think I have ever see her go wrong. I attempt to find an example of a crappy gift from her.

30 minutes from Destination – I sing along with the radio. Loudly. I wish my iPhone would plug into my car. I wonder about the extras I could buy that probably do that. Then I can’t help but think about the choose the hits jelly radio that is often on as I drive home during the night. Digital radio where you can vote online for songs, get them played and get them taken off air. I like this show. I hate how many adds they have. I wonder if it is on during the day. I relaise that I have finished my second can of diet coke and my 1.5L water bottle. Geez. Where do I fit it all..? I am in the single lane and traffic sign tells me I am speeding. How does it do that I wonder? Sensor I assume. Answering myself because, well, there’s no one else there.

15 minutes from Destination – I am thinking about my pile of unfinished scrap-booking pages on the kitchen table. Then I think about Lincraft. Haven’t been there yet. Might just go and check it out.  I call Katrina and leave her a message saying get your butt to Lincraft when you get this. I’ll be there. With bells on, you know. Until I got there. And relised there is no toilets. And once again, thanks to the copious amounts of fluids I have drunk, I need to pee. I divert myself past the cleanest toilets in town.

You have reached your destination {2 hours later} – Having shopped and chatted with Katrina (who got my message and met me at Lincraft later) I reached home. I had a pile of snacks. A few $7 pens. A paper mache K and a matching M.

See. Riveting huh. Well, you asked. Aren’t you glad you did! Haha. And now, ladies and gentlemen it is time for me to shut up and drive. Bris-vegas, here I come.