My Family in the Honda Acti Van… Partridge Family Style
I’m not sure what made me want to do a post entirely about me. About my life in a sort of snapshot. Today was not a special day by any measure. It was a good day but not much more. I however feel compelled to almost do a wrap up. A post considering where who I consider myself to be came from. My body, my personality, my dreams and ambitions. You don’t have to read mind you. I have deliberately added the page break so you can skip on over if you like. This post was entirely selfish. Something I wanted to do for me.
You get those day right..? You do, great. Well here is mine.
My life up until now has been pretty rosey. I have a kind, loving family, never wanted for anything much and things just kind of showed up for me. I married a wonderful man. Belong to a massive, cohesive family unit that spans generations. Have wonderful friends. Live in a beautiful place and have visited plenty of others. It appears I was born under a lucky star. Not quite but close. I developed a knack for being creative, prone to over thinking, emotional and fat. A killer combo. I don’t know when most of it started.
My life up until now has been pretty rosey. I have a kind, loving family, never wanted for anything much and things just kind of showed up for me. I married a wonderful man. Belong to a massive, cohesive family unit that spans generations. Have wonderful friends. Live in a beautiful place and have visited plenty of others. It appears I was born under a lucky star. Not quite but close. I developed a knack for being creative, prone to over thinking, emotional and fat. A killer combo. I don’t know when most of it started.
This weekend in particular I have been pondering these things. I visited an iradologist followed by a naturopath on Saturday and it got me thinking about my life and the residue of experiences on the body. In my life there are a few moments of trauma. Some mere minutes. Others lasted longer. And as i said above there has been an abundance of bright, sunny moments too. But I wonder what imprint these moments have had on me; my health, my body, my emotions, the development of self. I get that the experiences shaped me. But do you believe in an imprint being left? An ongoing recognition at a cellular level.
*side note! Seriously. Did I just create a sentence with cellular level in it..? How’d that happen.
Someone once said to me that being overweight in most cases is a defensive tactic. A way that a person can shield themselves from other people. To create a barrier. Sure okay. I buy that. But I could never see why. Why I. Why me. I guess I didn’t put them all together. So too can over analysing be a way to keep people at bay. Did my early experiences, formed as a reaction to what was going on, stamp my physical body? It appears it did. My cells react to the way of being and are more prone to reacting the same way. Interesting huh.
Now let’s look at my personality. I know where it came from. It was built in the same way everything else was. As a reaction to what was going on, what I liked and what I disliked in others. Experiences. You know, my past. But what interests me most is why I chose to be enthusiastic but controlled, bubbly but reserved, smart but unsure, confident but emotional. What’s that about! Huh.
And if my body and personality were built based on reactions to past events why do I create my dreams and ambitions with the same stuff. Tar them with the same brush, so to say. It is almost as if I dream within the rhelm of what is possible for this personality, this self, I have created. When I say that I wanted. Who gets to talk. The reaction or me. And if it is really me when isn’t it my dream to setup a new civilisation on the moon. Or sail around the world. Or write a best selling novel (Oh wait, that could be me after all… ).
Anyway. This is supposed to be a wrap up and I am feeling more confused than when I started. What is the point? I guess by looking at all the things I have constructed. By acknowledging that these are simply decisions I made or reactions I have had I can bring myself back to nothing again. Create a space. And ladies and gentlemen (Melissa mostly, are you listening Melissa) what can you do with a big, fat, wide open space? Anything.
And that is just what I plan to do. I feel completely open to what life can offer me. I am embarking on a healthy life plan. It includes eating well, exercising, laughing more often and enjoying dreaming big. And it just felt appropriate to close the chapter. To acknowledge it and let it be.
Suger 
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