No, this isn’t a sports related post. This is a post about love, relationships and marriage. When my Hubby and I announced our engagement to my family, my dad had a few words of wisdom to impart. There were some that stood out for me. Being so prone to being judgmental and all that. And they were simple.
Always be on each others side. At the time I thought, well derrrr. I love him. When would I not be on his side.
Well this must have been reflected in my face. Dad must have seen it. Wise person that he is. Because he elaborated. I have seen couples, he said, that pick each other to pieces. They do it in public. I can only imagine that they do it in private as well. Little jibes. Comments. You know the kind. A simple ‘Oh don’t say/do/wear/think that’ or ‘Honey, you don’t know what you are talking about’. And it undermines the person, belittles them and cracks the entire relationship. They don’t even know it is happening but it is there. Breaking them apart.
Well this must have been reflected in my face. Dad must have seen it. Wise person that he is. Because he elaborated. I have seen couples, he said, that pick each other to pieces. They do it in public. I can only imagine that they do it in private as well. Little jibes. Comments. You know the kind. A simple ‘Oh don’t say/do/wear/think that’ or ‘Honey, you don’t know what you are talking about’. And it undermines the person, belittles them and cracks the entire relationship. They don’t even know it is happening but it is there. Breaking them apart.
And he said it again. Always be on each others side. It will make you stronger. As a person and as a couple. To be entirely supportive of who your partner is, is a gift beyond anything you could ever dream of giving. And you may never know when you will require the same grace for yourself. I nodded. I was twenty. What else could I do. I didn’t even remember it until…
My Hubby said something I thought was ridiculous. It was in a room full of people. Some friends, some strangers. And I went to say it. My mouth opened. And I went to say “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard…”. Then. My Dad’s words flashed into my mind. And I thought about what happens in that room when I, the person who matters most to him, calls him, the person who matters most to me, stupid in front of these people.
And I thought maybe, his heart would break a little.
And I didn’t say it. Later I bought it up. Asked for clarification. Found out more. But I refused to belittle and undermine him. I chose to be on his team. I only wish that every time the opportunity arose that I remembered as quickly. That I have the grace to let my Hubby be who he is without censoring him or adding a heaping of my personal judgments on him. After all, Dad must be doing something right. He and Mum have been married for almost 35 years and together for longer. And hey, you shouldn’t mess with a winning formula!
What’s you winning formula?
Suger 
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