I haven’t had much to say rant wise. About the whole (using my quiet voice here) trying to conceive (TTC) thing. You see my husband and I lost a baby in September last year. I was never that sure I wanted children until that moment the opportunity was gone. Even if it was just for a time. It hit me hard. I was shattered beyond anything I had experienced before in my life. I cried. A lot.
And onwards we went, with the support of loving family and friends ringing in our ears, we are committed to trying again. And here we are months and months later. Six to be precise. And the world is being unnecessarily cruel. In my humble opinion. Since we lost our baby, there have been a massive number of people who have fallen pregnant or announced a pregnancy. Like almost 15. Don’t you think that is cruel? It feels that way to me anyway.
And don’t get me wrong, I am radiant for those that are having a baby. Why wouldn’t I be. I know what there is to be excited about. I love cute baby curls. Fat squishy cheeks. The future, the legacy, the possibility of it all. But seriously, it feels like someone, somewhere is rubbing my nose in it. Irrational..? Yeah, probably. Who am I kidding, definitely. But that’s how it occurs to me sometimes.
People, lots of them, tell me to relax. To let it happen. To get on with life. I believe them. I know it is what there is to be done.
I, however, have never been good at letting go, and letting god as the saying goes.
I am great at going out there and getting what I want, when I want it. I am a steam roller when it comes to getting my own way. Ask my Hubby or my Family. And this can only be a lesson in patience. Don’t you think? Oh gosh, what do I know.
Hang on, here is what I know… Or that I have trust in. I might even go as far as to say faith. Maybe. I trust that I will have what I want. I trust that this isn’t some cruel joke engineered by the universe (most of the time). I trust that I will be delivered the patience required. I trust that I am loved. I trust that I will be allowed to be angry sometimes and that it not make me cruel or bitter or unapproachable. I trust that the love of my husband, my family and my friends is unconditional. I trust in life.
But today, when another women I know announces her pregnancy. I am pissed at it all. Not at her, let me be super dooper clear, but at IT all. You know what..? Patience can bite my ass, I’m over this shit!
*Link to image origin by clicking on the image. Simple huh.
Suger 
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