Ahhh comment wars. You big bad horrible things. Not a day goes by where I don’t cautiously open a comment section only to have my fears realised. Hateful, hurtful and plain old bigoted comments fill the stream. Not on my blog, thank goodness, you people rock. But on places like Facebook, YouTube and Instagram.
For example, once I was clicking around videos on the subject of Feminism on YouTube when I found a video that although tagged with feminism but was about feminism as the enemy of men’s rights. I watched for a while and found some understanding in some of what was being said. Maybe empathy is more of the word. Anyway. I went to the comment field to out myself as a feminist and contribute my two-cents only to find a for lack of a better term, shit fight in there.
And I backed away slowly.
Which is actually to say I clicked out quickly, red ‘x’ come at me.
I don’t know about you, but I see those comment wars, and I click away. Even if I was there to comment in the first place, to share my opinion. It’s not worth the drama. But is it? Are there some reasonable people that we could ‘reach’ by leaving a comment that says, this isn’t ok. Or are we just assuming that our way, is the right way?
Who knows, right?
This is my problem.
I want to stand up for what is, in my opinion, the right way to behave online, the right way to treat people. I want to minimise the drama in my life and find it painful to wade into an argument for the sake of it. I want to have interesting conversations with respectful adults. I want people to be kind to each other. To disagree with respect and for the name calling and mud-slinging to stop.
But how do I action all that if I am unwilling to step into these comment wars type conversations. If we all walk away and leave the banter, the noise of aggressive and consequences-less voices, what happens then? Nothing changes in the end. No one things further than their opinion, and no one sees things from someone else’s point of view. By not participating, am I contributing in my way. Is this one occasion where my voice may be used to make a different?
So what say you? Can a conversation and sensible discussion occur online and do we need to step in to protect it from the trolls and the ugliness? Let me know your thoughts. There’s a perfectly good comment box ready and waiting for you below.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Nowadays I don’t tend to get involved in “public” discussions. For example, If Tess Holiday posts on Facebook and there’s hundreds of comments shitting on her, I don’t bother stepping in anymore because you’ve just got to accept that it’s strangers who will not change because of your comment. But sometimes, if it’s “friends” on my news feed that say something bigoted, I nearly always try to call them out on it, in a reasoned non-aggressive way if possibly (I need to work on my anger – I get pretty fired up sometimes). Both times it did have some impact – when the person knows you, they take into account what you have to say.
I think this is where is started to matter. Saying something to shift the thinking. I was triggered once by my history with disordered eating by a model’s photo shared on a blog I loved. I said, how can that be ok, I feel physically sick when I see that. The blog owner gently reprimanded me, and she was right. I was placing judgement and having a say about something I had no idea about and my own bias around. Since that day I’ve monitored my responses for that voice in an effort to retrain it. She taught me something valuable and I’ll never forget it.
“Don’t feed the trolls.” – I live by this mantra. 🙂 So what I do is I still comment, but I don’t engage and just ignore the negative people.
It’s been a thing for me too. On occasion, I’ve stepped in to say this is not right, or fair, or even kind. And I did it because sometimes people need to be told to pull their head in.
I was just thinking about this and also within the context not wanting to breathe oxygen into something that would best be relieved of it. Do you comment to express your disappointment in something troll-y and unfair, or is that just feeding the beast?
This is my thinking too. I feel like I let people down when I don’t respond and say how completely I disagree with unfair and cruel comments. But I do know that Rah is right, people like that thrive off the outrage, even mild and expressed calmly, that they create. Tough call.
Oh I am SO with you. I LONG for intelligent, reasoned debate online. But it is such a unicorn, because seemingly nobody is interested in being civil or logical. I actively avoid comment conflict for that reason, I’ve seen things just escalate out of control so quickly it’s insane. I really thing we as an internet community need to grow up a bit before this kind of conversation about real issues can be possible. Until then, I seek it out in small corners of the web where the trolls haven’t found yet.
Haha. A unicorn indeed. Finding people to have a conversation with, in the corners if need be, is the best part for me too. I won’t be pushed out though, I have every interest in making more places safe places to comment and share ideas.
I think interacting with the trolls is pointless (and it gives them the attention they’re craving). I prefer to support the blogger and write somehing supportive/nice as a top level comment instead 🙂
Agreed. Especially those there just for the purpose of entertaining themselves by being gross. This is a great idea Rah.
Monica lewinsky had a ted talk last week. It was all kinds of awesome. The most powerful line for me was this “we talk about the right to freedom of speech; maybe we need to start talking about the responsibility of freedom of speech”
I haven’t seen this yet, internet being a jerk and all that, but this is a message I believe strongly in. Free speech all over the place, I’m all for it, but you have to remember that your freedom has consequences and be responsible for that.
I watched her talk too. It was very powerful and poignant. It’s now saved as one of my favourites.It reminded me of a quote from my favourite book, A HandMaid’s Tale, “There is more than one kind of freedom, said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it” Neither kind of freedom is better than the other. Sometimes though, we forget that freedom from even exists.
Ugh. A Hand Maid’s Tale has been on my list of books to read for a hundred years. MUST get that book. Thanks for sharing this. SO good.
Oh man, this is definitely how I feel ALL OVER the internet! I think the best way to make a difference is to make your voice heard in an environment that is more conducive to progress. Our blogs are a great place to start and from there, join communities, contact your local member of politics, sign petitions, raise awareness – do as much as you can to incite the change you want to see. I think of the comments section like a bridge, a dark and dingy old thing where trolls hide. You’ll never get anywhere with people like that, so why put yourself through the drama? Channel that energy into somewhere or something that can really make a difference.
I love this. And maybe in my way that’s what I try to do here. Create a space for conversation and for issues to be discussed without people feeling like someone could pop up and be gross all over it. Great add to the conversation as always Ms. You’re so right about making positive changes in ways you can.