Are you someone who sits in the front row at conferences? Are you someone who will ASK that burning question or give the answer if you have it? Maybe you’re the person who has great ideas for your workplace or community group and just can’t seem to get them across. Maybe you’ve never even told anyone?
Well today is your lucky day.
Asking questions when I needed answers or putting across an idea came easily for me, until something happened. That happens to most of us, I think. For me the ‘what happened’ was a big fat beacon in my personal history. I was attending an event with Australia’s youngest ever senator. He was doing a speaking tour and was in my home town. My parents took us along. When the speaker spoke about what he wanted to be when he grew up he asked a rhetorical question about what WE {the audience} wanted to be.
So I answered him.
I want to be Prime Minister, I said.
He smiled, nodded and with a huge amount of kindness said, great. I love that. But the others in the room laughed. I get now that they were probably laughing at me answering a question that hadn’t required answering. They laughed because determined little old me sounded so certain. But I thought they were laughing AT me. Like, I was stupid at me.
I decided then that there was no way that I would ever speak out for myself. I would never answer questions first. I would wait and see. And a lifetime of behaviour was started. I answered questions after someone else had had a gi and failed. I asked questions one on one or not at all. I did not drawn attention to my opinion just in case it made me look stupid.
You probably have a similar version of things in your life somewhere. Do you think? So how did I get over it? Well, I didn’t really, not entirely. It helps to get that the adults in that room probably weren’t laughing AT me. There probably wasn’t a single one of them that thought what a stupid little girl. And there’s a freedom in that, in knowing that maybe my 8 year old self didn’t get the assessment of the situation right.
So now, I take that oh my gawd what if they think I’m stupid and I do it anyway! And today, your challenge is to do the same. Choose one thing that you’ve been waiting to do or say and make it your mission to say it today.
Daily Challenge: Choose a task for you to ‘stand up’ and if it can be done today, do it! Let us know how you go, don’t leave us hanging.
Hi! I’m Suger; Chief Blogger at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; love a casual ootd, taking photos + writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet; photos, create content, write copy and devise social media plans for personal brands, small businesses and bloggers. You know, living the sweet life.
You know what the sad part is for me? Nothing happened for me. There was no “moment”. No comment, no thing, no event that made me not stand up and be counted anymore. It’s all in my head that keeps me firmly planted in my seat, my hand stuck to my side rather than raised and me blending into the background rather than being at the front of the crowd. I think to myself, why would anyone want to hear what I have to say? Why would my opinion matter or count? People will just look at me and think “what makes her think she has a right to say anything – look at her”.
All boils down to the fact that because I don’t believe I have any right to speak up because of how I look, I think others think that as well. When in reality, they most likely don’t.
The funny thing about me is – to watch me out in public, you wouldn’t know that I have zero body confidence, negative self esteem and despise myself so much. I know I walk with confidence while inside I almost can’t breath from lack of it. I’m good at faking it but it’s not working because it’s crippling me more inside. It’s been a break through for me to realise that all my issues re body confidence, self esteem and self love come down to the fact that for me to have I NEED to change my body – I can’t love myself how I am because I’m not healthy how I am, this is not who I am, it’s who I’ve morphed into because of not being able to cope with other issues in my life, so it’s time to get that shit sorted and sort myself out in the process.
Oh lordy this should have been a blog post in it’s own right.
Lastly – thank YOU Mel, you know why xxx
You know me, I will continue to stand for you loving your body now, as you make these changes, taking care rather than punishing and being responsible for the choices you’ve made and the ones you are making. I hope that doesn’t sound preachy, I just want to keep acknowledging that I hope what you are looking for comes sooner, rather than later. Until then here are my biggest hugs and all the support you could ask for. I’ve got your back. Go find something challenging for yourself and make it happen.
I’ll give an answer if I have it, or if I’m asked a direct question, but mostly, I’m a listener. I leave the “shout out” to others. Unless they’re obviously wrong and then I’ll correct them. But I don’t insist on being always first, always right. I’m no Sheldon Cooper.
Haha. I love Sheldon, but I’d hate to hang out with him all the time. 😉