I spoke to a lady. Who is breaking up with her partner. This lady, she is known to me, but not well. At most we’d be acquaintances. I don’t even remember her partner’s name until she says it. Then she goes into detail of him losing his mind {my guess is undiagnosed bi-polar given her description} and what a jerk he is. I am already attempting not to screw up my nose at the rath of unwanted or needed information when as calm as a cucumber she says…
Well you had better believe I am not keeping his kid. Thank god I made the cut off. I’m booked in tomorrow. And bye bye. No way. And if it sorts out, we’ll make another one. IF. And that’s a big if, he sorts his shit out and starts acting normal again.
{I read this back and it seems insufficient. It barely describes that I was left with the feeling that this women was using this unborn baby as leverage in a battle. And how, disposable she was regarding it. Gag. But there is something of the tone of this conversation that does not convey via the written word. It was shocking}
I stared, mouth open. And nodded. Attempting to look understanding or empathetic or anything expect freaking shocked to be hearing this from a virtual stranger. And I wanted to punch that women in the face. Sure don’t have a baby with an unstable man. And don’t have an unwanted baby. But really, that child is here, it exists, in whatever form… It is not a pawn. {shudder}
So I quietly walked away. Assumed there would be a lesson in this for me. SOMEWHERE. And quietly mourned the child that would not be born. And the child I lost, so desperately wanted. I wondered if it would always be this easy for her to fall pregnant, if she would ever regret this choice made mostly in anger {I believe} at the baby’s father.
Mostly I hated her. Quietly. Secretly. Jealously. Easily. She had the baby that I want and she was literally throwing it away.
…..
side note: I am pro-choice. In theory, it turns out. Until pro-choice gets grey and I get swirly in the stomach. Apparently.
…..
Suger 
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