When I was a little girl I filled notebook after notebook with stories, poems and diary entries. I was completely obsessed and would write list and notes to supplement the extensive writings. I was in love. I would dream of being a writer. Of having my name on the sleeve of a book cover. Of creating something that out lived me. You see I was also a bit of a doom and gloom type child very aware of my own morbidity and that there was an end and it was inevitable. I guess I saw writing as way to live, or at least be around, forever.
When it came to writing…
I loved it. I was good at it. For a twelve year old anyway. I won a national prize in fact. And I was thinking the other day about when and why I stopped. What happened that I shelved such a big part of my life, my dreams, my future. I pin pointed a few moments. A few small decisions I made that changed the whole thing. Like, I’ll never be good enough. It’s not what people expect of me. I probably wouldn’t make it anyway.
So with that in mind… Very front of mind, I might add I relegated writing to my depressing and always negative teen journals. And after that, it was gone. Sometimes I missed it. I tried not to think about it.
And one day I was on a mission to lose weight yet again and a friend suggested a blog. I considered it. I even opened it and started the first post. And than I got afraid and stopped. I didn’t want to expose my life and my concerns, or my hopes and dreams to the world. Actually, afraid was probably an understatement. The idea that someone I knew might see the visaed slip was terrifying.
And then…
Somewhere over the past months (let’s say, since November… for example) this changed for me. I wanted to share myself. I wanted to formulate and tell stories about life. About people. About love and happiness and family. I wanted to write! So I started with what I know best, my life. And here we are. Years after I shut it into the little box we call experience and grown up’ness, the dream is reawakening. I am considering signing up for some kind of creative writing course or something. I am dreaming again of what is possible. And geez it feels good to be back in the game.
So what about you… did you rediscover a love for writing when it came to blogging? What dreams have you given up as silly when you were a kid? Do you have a secret dream or fantasy that you want to declare to blog world?
Suger 
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