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The Person Formally Known as Melissa

I didn’t change my name when I got married (almost) five, yep five, years ago. There were all sorts of reasons why. It was a personal protest of sorts. A dash a laziness. It was a “don’t tell me what to do” moment. This is not a transfer of ownership situation so it’s just weird. A whole range of things. And I simply just never did it.
People would ask what my married name is. Trying not to be difficult I would respond politely that My Hubby’s surname is such & such. This seemed to work. Mostly. Except with the letter writers, they just assume and write Mr & Mrs Such & Such. I don’t mind, it’s kinda funny really.
Most of the questions are painfully politically correct. Timidly presented. Akward moments for everybody. Concerned exchanges. Such as…
“Is there any reason why you’re not taking your hubby’s name?”
“Are you, you know, a feminist..?”
“but what about your children?”
“my husband wouldn’t have allowed that, how does yours feel about it?”
And on and on it goes… And on. You know what? It doesn’t mean anything. There are no answers to the questions. I just don’t see the point in making the change. I like my name. I love my hubby. I adore his & my family. A rose by any other name and all that…
When we were discussing the wedding and our continued shared life together starting newly as husband & wife. Hubby and I discussed the name change.
He said: are you changing your name?
I said: no, are you
He said: hmmm maybe.
And a few weeks later
He said: ‘ummm, no, won’t be’.
I said: ok. What if we both change our names and pick a NEW name we can share.
He said: umm no. Stop being such a weirdo.
I said: ummm, ok, I’ll try.
And that was it. No changing of names at all. So there you are. Saturday morning discussion. What did you do/ will you do? The great name debate, bought to you by Suger Coat It! Lol.

Suger

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8 responses to “The Person Formally Known as Melissa”

  1. Kellyansapansa Avatar
    Kellyansapansa

    Ooh – interesting topic! I'm getting married in November and I wasn't planning to change my name. My fiance didn't want to wear a wedding ring, so we traded off. The main reason I didn't want to change my name was because he's been married before and I did NOT want to be "the second Mrs H". But when his ex-wife found out we were getting married she promptly reverted to her maiden name. Problem solved!

    Reply
  2. PinkPatentMaryJanes Avatar
    PinkPatentMaryJanes

    I kept mine. Few reasons – professional and because I like the way my first name and surname work together (shortish first name, longish second name – you know, ideal for book covers…)

    Reply
  3. Clarissa Avatar
    Clarissa

    My mum never changed her name – i always had to explain but i think it is cool. Funny thing though is my step-mum changed her name when she married my dad :)

    Reply
  4. alliecat Avatar
    alliecat

    I changed. Wasn't going to, didn't care either way, niether did he strangely, I thought most blokes like the possessive thing of it. I do hate being referred to as "Mrs xyz" as that is my MIL, not me! And Mrs sounds so old. In the end I came around to the old fashioned idea of taking his name as I wasn't that thrilled with the one I had, the new name was much more unusual. And I wanted the same name as my kids, as they would take his name. So in the end I was very traditional! Can def see why some people don't wanna, had never considered Kellyansapansa's reason though, but I do tend to agree there!

    Reply
  5. Katrina Avatar
    Katrina

    This is a conversation we have had many times! Thing is I like my name and dont know if I want to change it. And ours do not work hyphenated.It's funny though I never think of you with another last name and nor do I of any of close friends and family that have gotten married.

    Reply
  6. Melissa Avatar
    Melissa

    Thanks for posting. It's always interesting to hear what's going on out there in the big wide world. Trina! welcome to my Blog. A family reader. How exciting.

    Reply
  7. Melissa Avatar
    Melissa

    This will sound really horrible, I can write it here because noone will see it.(very unlike me).I changed mine. I want to carry Joel's name, it seemed like a big thing to me. Being very much a "feminist" (his family (NOT HIM) say that word like it's a bad thing). And I love having his name, and the boys having his name. But I HATE having *their* name. His family. Does that make sense? And I love most of them. But there is a growing part of me that wishes I'd kept my name. My Dad is not my biological father, my mother married him when I was 8 and taking on his name was such an important thing to me. I wish I hadn't given it up so easily, especially considering Joel never asked me to.

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  8. EleCat Avatar
    EleCat

    I like having the same surname as my husband and my children and I take pride in our family name. Don't know why, I just do. I can't recall ever thinking that I wouldn't take his name. (???…) Mainly because everyone on my side of the family is divorced and some remarried and others that never married and…. bla, bla, bla… so as we all have different surnames now, I didn't feel like there was a strong reason to keep it. I think that the main reason that I took my husbands surname was out of respect. I am not saying that you are disrespectful as I can completely understand your reasons for not taking it. My circumstance was different as my husbands father had just passed away and I felt that taking his fathers name was a sign of respect to him. I'm sure that I'm not making much sense and there are so many holes in my argument, lol! What I am basically saying is that for reasons I can't explain, for me, it just felt right! :)

    Reply

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