I’m going to hazard a guess and say that right now you are lying to yourself about at least one thing. You just aren’t telling yourself how it really is. Guaranteed there’s at least one thing. I know, because it starts with the small things. Things like shopping when you’re hungry even though you said you wouldn’t do that. And it builds. Then you delay a project when you know delay probably means to shelve it indefinitely.
It was a white lie, a small tale that you told yourself about how things are going to go for you. Then one day when you make a commitment to yourself you hear back loud and clear, yeah right. What the heck self, get with the program, you might say back. But the thing is that you have told so many fibs and white lies, broken so many promises TO YOURSELF, that you just don’t trust yourself anymore.
I know because it’s happened to me. It is happening to me if I’m 100 percent, lay myself bare honest. It started with cancelling my gym membership but saying I’d go to classes instead. Or when the alarm goes off in the morning for a swim and I say I’ll go tomorrow. Every time I made that bargain with myself and didn’t follow through I taught myself that I’m a liar. Sometimes, but often enough.
Bit by bit I eroded myself as someone who was honest with myself. I became untrustworthy to myself. I spoke about it in a newsletter recently. I’d dropped the ball on my overall well-being and I could no longer tell the stories I told to myself, and by extension others. There was nowhere left to go. The proof was very much in the pudding.
Lying to yourself, making promises you don’t keep and keeping the truth about things from yourself leaves a big hole that needs to be filled. And that hole craves food, or sugar, or bad relationships… All that. And I know this because I am this sometimes.
You probably are too. And great, if that’s what you want for yourself I’ not going to stand between you and the fridge. But let’s face it, to get out there and create a happy, exciting, fulfilling life for yourself you need to have YOURSELF on your side. so you need to identify the ways that you are lying to yourself. Identify those fibs and stories you’ve made up and now seem more fact than fiction.
I can hep with that. Look for examples like mine above. The promises you make yourself you never planned to keep. The delays and the bargaining. Start by looking there. It’s where this slippery slope begins. From there you might find bigger, more direct lies about who you are, what you’re capable of and other in your head kind of conversations. Then look at the promises you aren’t keeping to other people. Whether spoken or unspoken.
What do I mean by unspoken promises? Well those things that someone would, and probably could, reasonably expect you to do. Like, file your taxes, pay for your groceries before leaving the store and other things that it is assumed that we agree to, not by our express consent, but through our lack of saying otherwise. Those things.
These are some of the ways that we try to hide the truth from ourselves. Start to find those little fibs, the big fat lies and the stories you are using as excuses for not going after what you want in life. You have to find them and stop using them by basically casting them aside. One at a time, piece by piece disregarding them. Your life awaits.
For some of you these self-improvement moments aren’t about having the biggest, best, brightest life ever known to anyone on the planet. You want something smaller, closer to home, something more you. Well, the good news is that no matter the size or wow factor you are after, taking these few simple steps to eliminate the B.S. will leave you feeling energised and yet somehow peaceful in whatever life you choose for yourself.
This habit of pulling about the stories serves those in search of peace. And I’m betting that IS you.
Want to tackle the rest of those stories you tell yourself and start telling yourself how it really is? Pick up my new eBook for $4.99. The title, dealing with yourself when you’re being a loser has been confronting for some, but in reality this book is a big warm hug disguised as a kick in the butt.
Chief Blogger at Suger Coat It; An Australian lifestyle blog for women who work for themselves. Melissa is a social media consultant & lover of stripes. Most weekends you’ll find her at the beach or home on the veranda kicking back. Around here, they call her Suger. Feel free to do the same.