I had been saying it’s been a loooooong month. But that long month has actually been a long 6 months. I have not stopped for a decent weekend at home with sleep, good home cooked food and laid off the booze in forever. So this weekend I did. I did it because my mind was rattling with the dangerous sounds of a worn down, overused tractor. It clanked and clanged. It was deafening. I had started to make bad choices. Get emotional. Sad.
Soooooo. Very. Tired.
I was underwhelmed with my progress in life. Shouldn’t we be somewhere, be doing something by now? A bigger life, a better one, the voice in my mind shouted. Not that I agreed but I felt the pressure of all there was to do start to build up around me. Why work like I do, do what I do and be here with nothing much to show for it. I have nothing. I am nothing. It lies but I could barely tell any more. It’s the underwhelmed overwhelm and it hit me hard.
So I took my own advice. I took the weekend off everything. I snuggled my Hubby, cooked and relaxed. I prepared for this week to make it easier to head into ready and raring to go. I thought and watched movies without being on my phone. I even took Hubby to the cinema to eat popcorn for dinner. I went to bed early. And as usual it worked. I’m ready now. I feel like there’s a joke about taking my own advice in there but I’ll let it slide.
Looking around over the past few weeks I’ve seen a lot of people struggling. Personally I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes and it’s easy enough to spot it in another. I ached for all the pain and turmoil in the world. This time, for me, it was so fleeting. A by-product of an overrun body. And wish it could all be cured by a weekend at home, food and love for everyone. Maybe it could be. Not to be flippant, but don’t you ever wish it was all just that easy?
My friend is struggling right now. I do what I can but I’m sort of paralysed too. I fear for her. I fear for me watching another one I love go by the wayside. the fear of acting is common apparently. The reality of life too confronting sometimes. But she is supported and loved and safe for now. I act where I can and hope it makes a difference. But in my heart I know that sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it doesn’t make any difference at all. Sometimes you are in too deep and nothing can drag you back out.
Sometimes you lose everything. Every. Thing.
So hope with me Sugers. Hope for her and for everyone else. Hope that I can do what I can to help when and if I’m needed. Man I wish there was a way to keep people safe. That it wasn’t so hard. That numb wasn’t the only option sometimes. Hope with me Sugers, it’s been one heck of a year so far. I guess some people, they’d even ask you to pray. Do that if it’s your thing. I’ll take whatever you’ve got.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Sending love! Life can be tough sometimes, it can wear you down, but it’s good you noticed and managed to take some time for yourself. I have the bad habit of keeping everything in, I don’t talk about my problems much, and oddly enough, I share more on my blog and that then I do generally to the people I’m close to in real life. It’s hard. Hope all is okay with your friend.
Thank you Nat. All is going along well, much better than before. Big love to you too lady. We all share however we are comfortable, right? Whatever works. Communicating it makes it seem more manageable somehow.
Woefully behind on posting, but my thoughts are with you and your friend. If I had prayers you would be in them. I know we don’t really know each other but I always enjoy reading your blog 🙂
“the underwhelmed overwhelm” – I am feeling this so much right now. I’m working in Sydney and Mr Wright is a five-hour train ride away (plus 90 minutes to get to that train), and I work long hours so I can go back home every fortnight, and every other weekend I go and see my parents on the other side of the city, and in the meantime I don’t even have the energy to tidy my room and I’m so tired I burst into tears the other day at work. It’s hard when you can’t point to something concrete and say “I did this”.
Sorry for venting but you really struck a chord 🙂
Thank you Shelby. I’m glad you enjoy and appreciate the wishes. x
Gosh. I hear you. There’s nothing like a wee bit of exhaustion to turn you into a bit of a wreck. I hope you get a chance to recover soon. Take care of yourself. Stay safe. And don’t worry about he tidying {unless you feel like ti might be a nice reprieve} it’ll be there later. 😉
My thoughts are with your friend, but also with you.
I was drawn to this post as I’ve spent a lot of time lately feeling overwhelmed. And I feel ridiculous for saying it. I only work part-time but – while money is a bit of an issue nowadays – I live a lucky life. But… sometimes everything just feels so hard. I feel as if I’m on top of nothing and everything is slipping out of my control. The smallest tasks (grocery shopping for eg, or vacuuming) become huge achievements. I feel as if I have no ‘time’ but know I do.
I cut back on a few things on the weekend for this very reason. I had a local FB page and I spent a lot of time updating it with local events etc. But a few similar ones have popped up lately so I realised maybe I could step back. (And I did it. It was sad as I’d built a loyal following. I’m now deciding whether to keep the accompanying blog. I rarely post in it, but harbour constant guilt for NOT keeping it up to date!).
I’m glad you took the weekend to refresh and re-energise.
xxxx
Thank you Deb. You really do have to step back sometimes and say that’s enough, time to let go.
Sending white light. I’m with Cindy, sometimes you have to step back, at least emotionally, to offer the best support. You can try to be a ‘hope carrier’ – be compassionate and hopeful. A belief that things will get better for everyone can be so very important when things seem bleak.
Great, thanks hun, this is great advice.
First of all, I am sending all my positive energy/mojo/karma your way <3. The only other thing I have to add is this. Sometimes, when people we love are struggling, the best gift we can give them is to step to the side. Be present, but in a passive role. Oftentimes, true change only happens when the inevitable occurs. Unfortunately, I speak from experience. However, the good news is I also speak from experience. This decision changed all our lives for the best and those struggles are now a distant memory. Hugs to you!!
Thank you Cindy. I’m so glad you shared your experience.
Sending you both positive energy.You never know what can get through when yor in deep.A simple hand held with no words can sometimes be everything.I hopeit turns out better.
Thank you Michelle. I hope so too.
My hope and love for both you and your friend! I was reminded by my own family’s struggles to count my blessings and to continue to live a better life! Be strong as you can but remember it is ok to have time out to reclaim that strength! Love hugs and hope! C xxoo
Thank you Cinbec. It certainly is okay, I’ve learnt that one the hard way.
Wise words, M! I’m hoping for your and your friend and everyone who’s struggling right now. Just because and also for all the people who’ve hoped for me through the trying times.
Take care and much love
SSG xxx
Thank you SSG. Perhaps there’s something in air and hopefully it will pass shortly. x
So many people I have come by last week sighted troubles and challenges, myself included. I’ll tell you one thing last we were in the lead up to a full moon which has now passed. A full moon always sure to mess things up here. But that all being said I hear you, I understand you and totally get it, it’s important to slow down and pay attention to the signals.
We deal with the whole full moon crazy thing at work all the time. Madness. Here’s hoping that is it. I’ve slowed down for long enough {for me} it’s time to do stuff. I can totally force it, right? Haha.
Oh gosh, this has so been me the last week or so. Not so much underwhelmed but definitely overwhelmed. Pressure mounting, too many things to do and some emotional family stuff resulted in a deep tiredness, unstable emotions and turned into arguments with those closest to me. A recipe for disaster. I was too afraid to let myself cry, afraid I’d never stop. But it’s also been a valuable reminder of being able to say no, not trying to help everyone at the same time, how important communication is and how it’s ok to break down sometimes. Despite the fact that I think I have to be strong for those around me. It felt good last night to finally put my hand up and say I was struggling. Thank goodness for great friends with sweet words and a wonderful man with strong arms and healing kisses.
Gosh. Sucks to hear you too. But it’s kind of good too, you know? Safety in numbers. Big love to you my friend. Glad to hear your could call in your people.