Do you say sorry, a lot? I was thinking about it, and I do. I like to be polite, but sometimes I say sorry and I think, what the heck was that for? My question in this all is when does it stop being about politeness and start being apologising for existing. Sorry to have taken up too much space, to have been opinionated, to have made you notice you’re not the only person in the world.
I first became aware of how often I would apologise for myself, my ideas and my thoughts under the wing of an employer focused on personal development. He said to me once that I should stop being so sorry for myself and take notice of how often I said it. He was right, I said it A LOT.
Part of me was apologising for myself.
Apologising for being big, for being a woman, and for being stupid (which I thought I was). Mostly I was quietly apologising for drawing attention that I clearly, being such a failure in life, didn’t deserve. My early twenties were rough, to say the least. I met and married Mr Suger; we had a lot on our plates with seriously grown-up things to manage, and I was dealing with the worst depression of my adult life. So I said sorry for existing to anyone who would listen.
Sorry for daring to exist, world.
Sorry about that.
It’s no way to live, but we do it all the time. It’s something that I highly recommend that you watch your sorry. Being polite matters to me, I’ll always apologise first in the supermarket run in, the brush past, the times I mean it. Always. But I won’t and don’t apologise for who I am anymore. I won’t apologise for taking up space in this world and being who I am. And neither should you.
That’s why this post is called stop being sorry. I want you to stop being sorry for the things that make you who you are. Stop being sorry for existing and take up all the darn space you need to take up to be the shiny, excited, loud, determined, awesome version of you.
That’s what you owe the world, not your apology.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
I’m not sorry and I’d do it again! ( I have to repeat that to myself sometimes, and it makes me laugh at least)
Perfect! I had a little chuckle.
This post really hit home. Being in my 40’s I still find myself saying/being sorry when I know I shouldn’t. Don’t know why it’s difficult to break that habbit. I used to think it was because I was trying to be humble, but being humble, and being sorry unnecessarily are 2 very different things. Thank you so much for sharing this…
You’re so welcome. I thought I was being polite, accommodating and I was, to some degree, but then I wasn’t. Try the excuse me, it’s been working for me since Dee suggested it. Love it. Changing my language, changing my mind.
Excellent idea! And yes, it’s changing our language does help to change the mindset. 🙂
It absolutely does.
Soooo damn true. I spent all of my 20s and almost half my 30s saying sorry, being sorry and ultimately feeling sorry for myself. Why? I have no idea. I was in hospital two years ago with major postnatal depression and didn’t tell my best friend I was there because it was her birthday and I didn’t want to ruin her day! I just turned 35 and it has only been in the past 12 months I feel like I have finally come into my own. It’s amazing!
It’s insidious this whole sorry thing, it takes away so much. I imagine your friend wanted to know, desperately and you could have used her support. That’s where the little sorry in the supermarket takes on a whole other level. So good Dayarne. I hope you’re well now. x
Hey Love. I have bouts of the sorry’s and When it happens I can feel it in the moment that it’s not about them and it’s about me. I don’t like it when it happens but I do try to pick it up pretty quickly and realise a talking to myself is required, because something has gone awry to revert back to that type of behaviour.
It’s a tough one to break. A good talking to certainly sorts me out. Haha.
Ah so much I can relate to no more sorry! Not even sorry NOT sorry! Love debs advice and also taking it in excuse me is my new sorry!
Me too KP, it’s such a good tip to reframe the language we use.
I am that girl also. I have always been too polite and use the words “Sorry” and ” I don’t want to bother you.” I have tried to be better and still sometimes find myself for apologizing for someone stepping on my toes. Lol Great Post.
Thank you. And yes, oh dear. Been there. Haha.
Great post Suger…and yes, I do find that I say sorry for existing…in fact I have often questioned why I even exist too many times. I need to stop thinking that way. I have in some ways and it’s a long process but I know we will all get there.
Thanks for sharing that Norlin, I know I’ve felt like that and others have too. It’s a habit you need to break, that’s all. It just happens to be on the level of difficulty with quitting smoking or something. Haha.
Yep, feel like I apologise way too much for lots of different things. Heard a great debate on the radio about saying sorry to people for the supermarket brush past. They said if you’re an over apologiser you should start to say “excuse me”. I’ve been doing this for the last few months and it’s my own wee therapy ;-).
OMG! This is such great advice. I’m going to take this on. Excuse me instead of sorry for all those whoops type moments. Awesome Dee, thank you.
I’m such an over apologiser. I have been very aware of this tendency lately and I really want to stop doing it. I even apologised on my blog last week for posting too much. Crazy!
Ahhh Michelle. I find myself going to apologise on my blog all the time. Posting too much, too little, saying this, thinking that. Our blogs are the place we can be and do whatever we want. Go nuts!
I’ve been paying attention to this lately too. TOO MUCH SORRY, RAH.
Toooooooo much! xo
Another overapologiser here. I am aware of it but after a lifetime of doing it it’s not easy to stop. Very timely post and one that has really resonated with me Melissa – thanks for the much neede vote of confidence x
You’re welcome Kirsty, glad to be here when you needed it! x
Love this so much! I say sorry all.the.time. For anything and everything. And there’s nothing to be sorry for!! I think when we over-apologise, we can’t be true to who we really are. x
Thank you Sasha. It really gets away from you sometimes, right? Just keep an ear out for it and you’ll be right to rein it in. Nothing to e sorry for at all.
Ah yes, this is a biggie for me. I’m constantly making excuses for myself. Explaining why I’ve gained weight. Apologising for my size. (I get in first so others know that “I” know it’s a problem!)
In general… Apologising for not being ‘enough’.
xx
And you need to stop that lady! Now or never time. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.