Ladies and very few gents, do I have good news for you! You are who you say you are. And who you say you aren’t. You are those things and no one can take that away from you. The other side of that coin is that you decided them, so love it or loathe it, it’s all on you. Now isn’t that interesting.
I work a lot with businesses on their branding. Not the design side of things but the actual nutting it out and talking to people through that branding on social media. These conversations always start with knowing what people say about the brand.
Branding folks seem to say the same thing, your brand is what others say about you. It’s nice to have some input, but in the end it’s not up to you. Then we work from there and develop a strategy to change or maintain that perception depending on how aligned it is.
So maybe that’s the case with yourself too?
Nope. As far as personal branding (not the business kind, the being who YOU are variety) it’s different. Yes, people are still going to comment, weigh in and give their two cents. They will have an opinion of who and what they think you are. Let them, your personal self isn’t dependent on them.
When it comes to being yourself they don’t have the final say. Really, they don’t have any say if you don’t want them too. You are the head of the super powerful, well-dressed, crime family that is yourself and no one in their right mind would consider bumping you off.
Do you know what is so powerful about being the one who says who you are? It means that if you said who you are you can un-say it. You can change your mind anytime you like and say something else. And given enough time and repetition, that is exactly who you will become. The ball is in your court. All the balls are actually in your court. Every. Single. One.
So take a look at who you say you are. Think about it now. Who are you?
Most of us come up with a list of items we do such as our job description or relationship status. Look deeper team, who are you? Start to look at the traits that make up your personality. Happy, joyful, short-tempered, smart, loving, loyal… Then you get a little closer. Start to listen as well to who you are saying you aren’t. When I said smart, what did you think? Yes or no? What about loyal?
You decide who and what you are. Self is pretty much a declaration with a bit of action behind it. So think about it and choose. You want to be easy-going and loyal this week, excellent. Next week you want to add ambitious to that mix? Even better. That’s the beauty of being your own boss when it comes to saying who you are. You decide.
And you know what that means right? You are responsible for the conversation around you being a loser, not something, not enough. You are in the ongoing source of those conversations. For most of us, we didn’t start them, but we sure as heck picked them up and ran with them. It’s time now to stop doing that. You could be standing in your own way when it comes to something that means a lot to you!
So start listening. Get clear on who you are or would like to be. Start declaring who you are. Then get out there and live it. You’re the boss. Take those reins and lead the way. You will never, ever be sorry that you did. I promise you that.
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So tell me, who are YOU?
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
Noone is you-er than you. (To paraphrase the great Dr Seuss.)
Indeed. And that was some excellent paraphrasing!
Hello Melissa, Thank you for love and best wishes. You did not offend me at all. It was the comment ‘you decide’ and I merely wanted to give my point of view that even if you know who you are; circumstances or environment can have a change. I understand what you are saying in that we still get to chose how we handle these situations, however there have been times when I have had dark days and I don’t like the ‘me’ being in that place that I did not chose. Perhaps I missed the point of your blog at the time.
Oh thank goodness. I hear you. That is it right, life can change in an instant. And no, I think your point added to this post in a way I hadn’t considered. Thanks for dropping into the comment box lady. x
A wonderful blog and thanks for that. I know who I am but lately my personality changes to someone I know I am not. My husband has Dementia caused from multiple mini strokes. He lives at home, which can be challenging at times, and I cope. He is not the person he was either, always strongly independent and a wonderful gentle person. That has not changed and at time is frustrating for both of us. As a result I suffer from a mild depression and I an not the strong person I want to be.
‘The other side of the coin is that you decided them, so love it or loathe it, its all on you’
This can be true but there are circumstances beyond your control that make that decision difficult.
Hi Sandi, firstly let me send my love and best wishes to you and your husband. I’ve met first hand what can be the literal cruelty of dementia and I wish you both nothing but good days. Those circumstances are incredibly hard. You may however find that for yourself, you are already in a better place than you think you are being who you say you are. Perhaps who you are is generous and kind even when you are frustrated and grieving for what you have lost. I do think that you and I still get to choose, though your husband may not have that luxury now. I hope that clarifies my point? I don’t want to offend you. Let me know, OK?
What a great blog! And very timely for me. My in-laws (including my sister-in-law) are convinced that I am a manipulative, evil, controlling witch and that my husband, their son and brother, is a mindless zombie who follows my every instruction. I know I am not what they think I am. I know who I am, I know what I work hard to be and I am very aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I have very honest people in my life so I know I am not deluding myself! And so I know that they are wrong. My husband on the other hand, is only learning who he is, and so their summation of him is really damaging. We both put a lot of effort into showing his heart that they are not correct and, like you said, he is learning how to be clear on who he is and on taking action to make that true. It is so hard for him to change the story he has been told all his life, and to believe that he can be a someone apart from who they think he is. He is getting there though and I am so proud of him.
That alone is a terrifying thing for people to see happening, especially if they are unwilling to challenge themselves in the same way. Great work Hubby! One step at a time.
And for all that, I guess I want to reaffirm what I’m sure you already know. Be the person you know yourself to be, with an extra order of generosity for, what I assume, is a scary prospect for them (losing a brother/son).
Don’t let their behaviour impact who you know yourself to be. That includes not holding a grudge, getting bitter or angry, even when you really, really want to. Don’t give them that. You deserve better than knowing yourself as that person or allowing it to come between you both.